Perception

The following was emailed to me by a friend recently, and it's maybe something to think about...  

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately two thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:
  
the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk..
  
6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
  
10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
   
The musician played continuously.  Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace.  The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
 
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell had sold out a theatre in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
 
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:  If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

Another year gone

Goodness gracious, is it really three whole years today since I started this Blog?

Yes, it is actually.

And the sentiment I expressed in my third post, on my first day of posting, still holds true.

Follow the link to look at it if you like, but the whole sentiment is contained in the image on the right.

Random thoughts

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Layclerk, happy birthday to me!

Meh!

I've pretty much stopped counting them (not through vanity, I really don't care), and this year's is no more significant than any other. In three years though, well that's different. If I'm spared. Deo Volente.

In that year, 2012, I will be fifty years old, as will several of my friends. They know who they are so I will not mention them by initials here and now. But mark my words. We are going to have a fuck-off sized party at some point in the middle of the year. Or at least I am if no one else will.

I have a confession.

This post was a long one, and was typed a few days ago and scheduled to appear here at the appointed time today, but as I typed it it developed into a bit of a sad one, and I don't want to feel sad right now. So I've hived off the sad stuff and saved it as a draft which may or may not ever see the light of Blog-land. Probably not though.

So, suffice to say,

Happy birthday to me.

No longer ranting

A good friend pointed out to me last night that I haven't posted since 21st January, which is a week ago, and my last post was a rant.

Well, OK, I take your point, thank you, so to change the tone somewhat, here's a picture of a cat from the site I can has cheezburger which is the "lolcats" one featured in my links to the left.

If you don't like cats you're unlikely to find it funny, and in fact if you don't like cats what are you doing here, be off with you!

Anyway, I've been on a training course in Edinburgh this week, and it finishes tomorrow with an all-day exercise, so that should be interesting! During the course of the course, so to speak, I had a conversation about blogging and during it I pretty much reminded myself why I started this Blog and why I continue to write it.

It started because I was going through a bad time in my marriage, which came to an amicable end fairly soon afterwards. The marriage that is, not the bad time.

I found the experience of putting my thoughts, and sometimes my random stream of consciousness, down on virtual paper to be a useful and enjoyable thing to do.

So I continue to write this primarily for myself, and if no one reads it then that doesn't matter, although I'd be lying if I claimed not to get some pleasure out of knowing it's read and sometimes even enjoyed by other people. It's nice (usually) to get comments on posts as this is a good way to find out what people think about what I write, and it's also good to hear, as I sometimes do, that people read it regularly. But at the end of the day, it's still written mostly for me.

I'm a performer!

Thank you to Kelvin for pointing me from his Blog in the direction of Typealyzer, which, when you enter the URL of a Blog analyses the writing style of the author and slots it into the Myers-Briggs typology.

So, apparently in my Blog writing style I am type ESFP, a performer! Specifically:

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

They enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

Hmmm, not sure about the soft fabrics and sweet smells bit, but the rest is scarily recognisable. To me anyway, perhaps those who know me in real life may disagreee of course!

According to Wikipedia:

ESFPs live in the moment, experiencing life to the fullest. They enjoy people, as well as material comforts. Rarely allowing conventions to interfere with their lives, they find creative ways to meet human needs. ESFPs are excellent team players, focused on completing the task at hand with maximum fun and minimum discord. Active types, they find pleasure in new experiences.

ESFPs take a hands-on approach in most things. Because they learn more by doing than by studying or reading, they tend to rush into things, learning by interacting with their environment. They usually dislike theory and written explanations. Traditional schools can be difficult for ESFPs, although they tend to do well when the subject of study interests them, or when they see the relevance of a subject and are allowed to interact with people.

Observant, practical, realistic, and specific, ESFPs make decisions according to their own personal standards. They use their Feeling judgment internally to identify and empathize with others. Naturally attentive to the world around them, ESFPs are keen observers of human behavior. They quickly sense what is happening with other people and immediately respond to their individual needs. They are especially good at mobilizing people to deal with crises. Generous, optimistic, and persuasive, they are good at interpersonal interactions. They often play the role of peacemaker due to their warm, sympathetic, and tactful nature.

ESFPs love being around people and having new experiences. Living in the here-and-now, they often do not think about long term effects or the consequences of their actions. While very practical, they generally despise routines, instead desiring to 'go with the flow.' They are, in fact, very play minded. Because ESFPs learn better through hands-on experience, classroom learning may be troublesome for many of them, especially those with a very underdeveloped intuitive side.

How Others May Perceive ESFPs

Others usually see ESFPs as resourceful and supportive, as well as gregarious, playful, and spontaneous. ESFPs get a lot of satisfaction out of life and are fun to be around. Their exuberance and enthusiasm draw others to them. They are flexible, adaptable, congenial, and easygoing. They seldom plan ahead, trusting their ability to respond in the moment and deal effectively with whatever presents itself. They dislike structure and routine and will generally find ways to bend the rules.


That said, I did one of these online tests a while ago, on another Website, and according to that I was an ESTJ, and according to Wikipedia:

ESTJs are practical, realistic, and matter-of-fact, with a natural head for business or mechanics. Though they are not interested in subjects they see no use for, they can apply themselves when necessary. They like to organize and run activities. ESTJs make good administrators, especially if they remember to consider others' feelings and points of view, which they often miss.

According to Keirsey, ESTJs are civic-minded individuals who dedicate themselves to maintaining the institutions behind a smooth-running society. They are defenders of the status quo and strong believers in rules and procedures. ESTJs are outgoing and do not hesitate to communicate their opinions and expectations to others.

To be honest I can see perhaps more of myself in the ESTJ one, although there are bits from both that I'd consider relevant. Just goes to show that nothing's ever clear cut!

Useful condescending phrases

Shamelessly stolen from the wonderful wonderful resource that is t'InterWeb:

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Auspicious date

Today is 07/07/07.

Well well. It must be considered lucky by somebody I'd have thought.

The 48 hour rule

You must have heard of the 48 hour rule, right? No? OK, well let me give you an example:

You are chatting with a friend, and randomly into the conversation comes a subject you don't usually talk about such as "What was your favourite sweet (candy to any American readers!) when you were a youngster?", to which the reply was "Curly Wurly". Within 48 hours you will have heard Curly Wurlys mentioned by someone else, on TV, in a newspaper or whatever. That's the 48 hour rule. Any questions? Good.

So why do I mention it? A couple of days ago the subject of the software Sibelius cropped up very briefly in a conversation with a friend and I mentioned that I had another friend who was a close friend (are you following this?) of the brothers who originally wrote the software Sibelius. I also mentioned that this friend and his wife now live in her native Germany and had done so for a few years. They had both sung with me in Glasgow Chamber Choir and we had subsequently been amongst the founder members of Glasgow Renaissance Singers (who for some bizarre other-worldly reason are now called Cathures). End of conversation.

So I was walking down Byres Rd in the west end of Glasgow yesterday morning, thoroughly enjoying not being at church, and heading for a coffee shop when I noticed that blocking the front door of said emporium was a pushchair as its unseen owner was presumably in the process of leaving. As I reached the door I was prepared to administer a loud EXCUSE ME when I looked straight into the eyes of the pushchair owner who was my German friend and her husband (the friend whose friend wrote Sibelius)!

Spooky or what?

They were in Scotland only for a couple of days while doing some house-related business.

The 48 hour rule. Never fails. Sometimes.

Diet advice

I got the following from t'Interweb a while ago, but unfortunately I can't remember from where so can't credit the source. Let me know if you know the origin & I'll add the necessary attribution.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

No pain, no gain

It didn't actually hurt!

Despite gleeful assurances to the contrary from several people beforehand, on Friday when they moved the angle of my ankle from the equinus (tiptoes) to the semi equinus (not quite so extreme tiptoes) position I felt no pain at all. Nausea and lightheadedness, yes, but no pain. And the nausea is apparently fairly common when a cast is removed and was there well before anyone moved my ankle. Very strange.

And there was good news too. When I had the accident the A&E doctor told me I would be in a cast for about six weeks. The following day the orthopaedic doctor told me it'd in fact be twelve weeks (three months). But on Friday I was told that having had the first cast on for 5 weeks instead of 4, the next one could be reduced to 3 weeks in the semi equinus position. I replied that this would obviously be followed by another cast but was told that I might have just a heel lift for the remaining time. I'm not 100% sure what that means because at the time I assumed it'd be something put into my own shoes to decrease the length of my tendon (i.e. lift me kind of onto tiptoes) but since then I have heard a credible suggestion that it will still be some sort of cast/bandage/whatever so I don't know for sure. I'm also guessing and indeed hoping that the crutches will no longer be necessary but I'm expecting to use walking sticks for a while. That's speculation though.

I've spoken to work, and they have offered to get me collected and taken back home every day while I can't drive (I had assumed that as soon as I get the heel lift I'd be able to drive but I've since been disabused of this notion!) and they will also put measures in place so that I can work in a downstairs office to save having to tackle the stairs. This is really good of them, and is much appreciated. So the bottom line is that I may well be back at work about a month before I thought I was going to be, albeit still unable to walk or stand normally.

Various plans I had to fill in my time (family tree research, scanning old photos and updating my website amongst other things) might now be returned to the back burner. But I'm happy to do this if I can get back into some sort of normality. Having recently had lots of time to sit around and, perhaps rather worryingly, think, I have realised that I have been subconsciously reassessing what things are important to me and what things aren't, with somewhat surprising conclusions. Surprising to me anyway.

I've now had a qualified acceptance of my offer on a new flat. It could still technically fall through (although this is hopefully unlikely) so I will still hold back from providing fuller details.

I like the sentiment in the image in this post.

Uisge Beatha

I think the image on the left sums up the effect malt whisky had on me recently! Good stuff though. It was an Islay one, but I can't remember which. Bowmore I think.

Anyway, soon I should have news either way about the potential house hunting. Fingers crossed.

Yesterday's decision to sit and do nothing seems to have done the trick as I feel a lot better today. Much less upper body pain. If you've never had the misfortune to need to use crutches you are lucky, but until you do have to use them you just don't appreciate the effort and pain involved in getting about, and the fact that everything takes twice as long to achieve.

Gents, next time you are in the toilet, try standing on one leg while you are doing it (aiming carefully, of course!) and see how easy it is to do while being unable to put any weight on one of your legs. Ladies, next time you are doing the dishes, cleaning or ironing, try doing it on one leg (only joking!)

Simple things we usually take for granted shouldn't ever be taken for granted. Be thankful for the ability to get about unaided and unhindered.

Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or an elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

DILLIGAF

DILLIGAF.... this is the word we should all be using, it's a new buzzword courtesy of that great antipodean entertainer Kevin Bloody Wilson and it stands for

Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck

Well, do I?

Take my advice boys!

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognise the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for wussies and Asian ladyboys.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words 'fuck you,' and grab the other girl's arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tyre yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some bird". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop whingeing about the cold right now, you're going to be whingeing about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the toilet (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like holding beer.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

22. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a bins day leave the bin open and have the present visibly sticking out of it. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

24. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her that when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny!

Be yourself

As long as you know who "yourself" actually is! Me? I'm not always sure. What do I want from life? Sometimes this, sometimes that. It varies depending on my mood and what's going on around me at any particular time. Like most people probably.

For various reasons I'm largely out of my comfort zone both professionally and to a much lesser degree personally, and it isn't pleasant.

There are some very good things going on in my life right now, but the karma is balanced by some not so enjoyable things, all of which are outwith my direct control. All I can do is hang on for the ride and hope that at the end of it all it'll turn out for the best. If it doesn't, then who knows ........

Adipocyte parking

And in case you're wondering, Adipocytes are cells present in adipose tissue, specialised in storing energy as fat. Apparently.

I've posted the image, which I found today, after a recent conversation with a friend, who shall remain unidentified, during which we both agreed with the sentiment about obesity and disability. The gluttony/lust reference wasn't mentioned! I got the image from a site which has so much inappropriate imagery that I'm not going to link to it, like I normally would. I don't want to completely corrupt your morals dear gentle reader!

Spread the word

A Moral Tale

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE U.K. VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel’s taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel’s food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain’s apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel’s food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper’s drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END

Children in Need

I'm good in bed

I've posted the image on the right simply because I'm so tired right now it is entirely appropriate!

Here's a brief synopsis of my timesheet this week:

Monday: started work at 0745hrs, and was soon asked to assist elsewhere and outwith my usual workplace for the foreseeable and unspecified future (few days, few weeks?) and so I finished at quarter past midnight.

Tuesday: started at 0715hrs, finished ten past midnight.

Wednesday: started at 0720hrs, finished at half past midnight.

Thursday: started at 0720hrs and finished at 2100hrs which actually felt like I was having a half day!

Tonight: started at 0715hrs and finished at 2100hrs (ditto half day feeling).

I am also working tomorrow, and Sunday and Monday etc etc, and all will be the same sort of hours (the after midnight ones that is, not the early 9pm finishes!). Ah well, I chose my career so I shouldn't complain

Anyway, here's something which was sent to me tonight. I think it's rather good, if a bit schmaltzy!

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read them straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last 5 winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.