Arrrrr!

Arr, another year be over, and it be Talk Like a Pirate day again.  Arrrr!

Arrrrr!

Well, another year be over me hearties, and it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day again.  Yarr!

Thanks to Icanhascheezburger for the image below, which I saw a year ago and decided to save rather than link to it just in case the original site had disappeared in the meantime.

English Language trivia

• No word in the English language rhymes with month.
• Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters mt.
• The word set has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
• Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters und.
• The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in -dous : tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
• The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
• The only other word with the same number of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
• There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, therein : the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, here, ere, therein, herein.
• No words in the English language rhyme with orange, silver or purple.
• Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
• To testify was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
• The combination ough can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.
• The verb cleave is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.
• The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
• Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

The National Anthem

'God Save The King' was a patriotic song first publicly performed in London in 1745, which came to be referred to as the National Anthem from the beginning of the nineteenth century.  The words and tune are anonymous, and may date back to the seventeenth century.

In September 1745 the 'Young Pretender' to the British Throne, Prince Charles Edward Stuart, defeated the army of King George II at Prestonpans, near Edinburgh.   In a fit of patriotic fervour after news of Prestonpans had reached London, the leader of the band at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, arranged 'God Save The King' for performance after a play.  It was a tremendous success and was repeated nightly thereafter.  This practice soon spread to other theatres, and the custom of greeting monarchs with the song as he or she entered a place of public entertainment was thus established.

There is no authorised version of the National Anthem as the words are a matter of tradition.  Additional verses have been added down the years, but these are rarely used.  On official occasions, only the first verse is usually sung, but sometimes verse 3 is also added.  The words used are those sung in 1745, substituting 'Queen' for 'King' where appropriate.

The British tune has been used in other countries - as European visitors to Britain in the eighteenth century noticed the advantage of a country possessing such a recognised musical symbol - including Germany, Russia, Switzerland and America (where use of the tune continued after independence).   Some 140 composers, including Beethoven, Haydn and Brahms, have used the tune in their compositions.

I particularly draw your attention to the sentiment of verse 6, whilst as a Scot, making no comment!

1.
God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!

2.
O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
and make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all!

3.
Thy choicest gifts in store
on her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
to sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!

4.
Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known
from shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see
that men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world o'er.

5.
From every latent foe,
From the assassin's blow,
God save the Queen!
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend
our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

6.
Lord grant that Marshal Wade
may by thy mighty aid
victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!

Arrrrr!

It be Talk Like a Pirate Day again.  Yarr.  But in case ye need persuaded about ye benefits of being a pirate, see below!

I'm obliged yet again to Andrew Mogendorff for the following easy to follow explanation of how the brain works:

It's the Law!

You've heard of Sod's law, and Murphy's law, but how many of the following are familiar?  I've gathered these from various sources over a long period.  My particular favourite is the Peter Principle since examples of this can be seen at my workplace every day!

Rule of Accuracy:
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy:
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

Action's Law:
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

First Law of Advice:
The correct advice to give is the advice that is desired.

Albrecht's Law:
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

Allen's (or Cahn's) Axiom
When all else fails, read the instructions.

Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English history mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

The Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences:
Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Arthur's Laws of Love:
1. People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else.
2. The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be delayed in the post long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person.

Atwood's Corollary:
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.

Avery's Rule of Three:
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job - it's the start of a brand new series of three.

Bagdikian's Observation:
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukulele.

Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own GP.

Baruch's Observation:
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Beifeld's Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of:
1 - a date,
2 - his wife,
3 - a better looking and richer male friend.

First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.

Boling's Postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.

Boren's Laws:
1. When in charge, ponder.
2. When in trouble, delegate.
3. When in doubt, mumble.

Bove's Theorem:
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

Bowie's Theorem:
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"

Brewer's Observation:
No good deed goes unpunished.

Bucy's Law:
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Calkin's Law of Menu Language:
The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.

Canada Bill Jones's Motto:
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mum.

Carlson's Consolation:
Nothing is ever a complete failure. It can always serve as a bad example.

Cheop's Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Chism's Law of Completion:
The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Clarke's Third Law
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Cohn's Law
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

Colvard's Logical Premises:
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary:
This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.

The Law of Communication:
1. The purpose of the communication is to advance the communicator.
2. The information conveyed is less important than the impression.

Law of Continuity
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

Conway's Law:
In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on. This person must be fired.

Cooke's Law:
In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
Corollaries:
1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.

Correspondence Corollary:
An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

Cropp's Law:
The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Cutler Webster's Law:
There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration:
The higher the "higher-ups'' are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

The Law of Decision Making:
1. Any decision is better than no decision.
2. A decision is judged by the conviction with which it is uttered.
3. Decisions are justified by the benefits to the organization, but they are made by considering the benefits to the decision-makers.

Denniston's Law
Virtue is its own punishment.

DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.

Dow's Law:
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

Drew's Law of Highway Entomology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Ducharm's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.

Farnsdick's Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

Featherkile's Rule:
Whatever you did, that's what you planned.

Fett's Law:
Never replicate a successful experiment.

Finster's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Flap's Law:
Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.

Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, Naugahyde, and aluminium.

Franklin's Rule:
Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.

Fresco's Discovery:
If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.

Ginsberg's Theorem:
1. You can't win.
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem:
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:
1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Glyme's Formula for Success:
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Goldenstern's Rules:
1. Always hire a rich solicitor.
2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Gordian Maxim:
If a string has one end, it has another.

Gordon's First Law:
If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Government's Law:
There is an exception to all laws.

Grabel's Law:
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.

Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Green's Law Of Debate:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Greener's Law:
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Grelb's Reminder:
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Gummidges's Law:
The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Hall's Laws of Politics:
1. The voters want fewer taxes and more spending.
2. Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed.
3. Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).

Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Hanson's Treatment of Time:
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

Harper's Magazine Law:
You never find the issue until you replace it.

Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Harrison's Postulate:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Hartley's Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.

Lewis's Corollary to Harley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, you can open his mouth, and you can stick his drinking apparatus into the trough, but you can't make him swallow.

Hartley's Second Law:
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Heller's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists.

First Rule of History:
History doesn't repeat itself - historians merely repeat each other.

Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person - they will find an easier way to do it.

Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.

Horner's Five Thumb Postulate:
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

Hubbard's Law:
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.

Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to
..... to .....
........ uh ..............

The Law of Innovation Management:
1. Change is the status quo.
2. Management by objectives is no better than the objectives.
3. A manager cannot tell if he is leading an innovative mob or being chased by it.

Jacquin's Postulate:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.

Johnson-Laird's Law:
Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.

Johnson's Third Law:
If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contains the article, story or instalment you were most anxious to read.

Corollary to Johnson's Third Law:
All of your friends either missed it, lost it, or threw it out.

Johnson's Corollary:
Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

Kramer's Law:
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Larkinson's Law:
All laws are basically false.

Robert E. Lee's Truce:
Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgment.

Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Mason's First Law of Synergism:
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

May's Law:
The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

Meade's Maxim:
Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Mencken's Law:
There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

H. L. Mencken's Law:
Those who can - do. Those who can't - teach.

Martin's Extension:
Those who cannot teach - administrate.

Clark's Opposition:
Those who can - teach. Those who can't - find some other less important career.

Meskimen's Law:
There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

Muir's Law:
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Murphy's Law:
If something can go wrong, it will

Nixon's Theorem:
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Nolan's Placebo:
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen:
Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Oliver's Law of Location:
No matter where you are, there you are.

Parkinson's Law:
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

Peer's Law:
The solution to a problem changes the problem.

Law of the Perversity of Nature:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Peter's Principle:
In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

First Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).

Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.

Ninety-ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Pudder's Laws:
1. Anything that begins well ends badly.
2. Anything that begins badly ends worse.

Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

Ralph's Observation:
It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry.
Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.

Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences - if you have none, someone will make one for you.

Ross's Law:
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor - especially in the dark.

Rudin's Law:
In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

Ryan's Law:
Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.

Sausage Principle:
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

Simmons's Law :
The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.

Snafu Equations:
1. Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.
2. An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
3. Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
4. Interchangeable devices won't.
5. In any human endeavour, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
6. Badness comes in waves.

First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.

Sod's Law (see Murphy's Law)

The Law of the Too Solid Goof:
In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain the errors.
Corollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either.
Corollary 2: Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice, will spot it immediately.

Third Law of Survival:
To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Stewart's Law of Retroaction:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Stockmayer's Theorem:
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's near impossible.

Thyme's Law:
Everything goes wrong at once.

Unnamed Law:
If it happens, it must be possible.

Von Fumbles Law
When you want to unlock a door but only have one hand free, the keys will be in the opposite pocket

Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.

Weinberg's Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Weinberg's Corollary:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Westheimer's Rule:
To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Example: we allocate two days for a one-hour task.

Whitehead's Law:
The obvious answer is always overlooked.

Wilcox's Law:
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the arse.

Hymn 3

Ever wondered why we never sing the WHOLE hymn?
(You might recognise the last six verses, but read it from the start and see if you can guess what's coming..!)

THE BREWING OF SOMA by John Greenleaf Whittier (American Quaker poet and editor, 1807-92)

"These libations mixed with milk have been prepared for Indra: offer Soma to the drinker of Soma."
(Vashista, translated by Max Muller.)

The fagots blazed, the caldron's smoke
Up through the green wood curled;
"Bring honey from the hollow oak,
Brink milky sap," the brewers spoke,
In the childhood of the world.

And brewed they well or brewed they ill,
The priests thrust in their rods,
First tasted, and then drank their fill,
And shouted, with one voice and will,
"Behold, the drink of the gods!"

They drank, and lo! in heart and brain
A new, glad life began;
They grew of hair grew young again,
The sick man laughed away his pain,
The cripple leaped and ran.

"Drink, mortals, what the gods have sent,
Forget you long annoy."
So sang the priests, From tent to tent
The Soma's sacred madness went,
A storm of drunken joy.

Then knew each rapt inebriate
A winged and glorious birth,
Soared upward, with strange joy elate,
Beat, with dazed head, Varuna's gate,
And sobered, sank to earth.

The land with Soma's praises rang;
On Gihon's banks of shade
Its hymns the dusky maidens sang;
In joy of life or mortal pang
All men to Soma prayed.

The morning twilight of the race
Sends down these matin psalms;
And still with wondering eyes we trace
The simple prayers to Soma's grace,
That verdic verse embalms.

As in the child-world's early year,
Each after age has striven
By music, incense, vigils drear,
And trance, to bring the skies more near,
Or lift men up to heaven!

Some fever of the blood and brain,
Some self-exalting spell,
The scourger's keen delight of pain,
the Dervish dance, the Orphic strain,
The wild-haired Bacchant's yell, -

The desert's hair-grown hermit sunk
The saner brute below;
The naked Santon, haschish-drunk,
The cloister madness of the monk,
The fakir's torture show!

And yet the past comes round again,
And new doth old fulfill;
In sensual transports wild as vain
We brew in many a Christian fane
The heathen Soma still!

Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways!
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.

In simple trust like theirs who heard
Beside the Syrian sea
The gracious calling of the Lord,
Let us, like them, without a word
Rise up and follow Thee.

O Sabbath rest by Galilee!
O calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with Thee
The silence of eternity
Interpreted by love!

With that deep hush subduing all
Our words and works that drown
The tender whisper of Thy call,
And noiseless let Thy blessing fall
As fell Thy manna down.

Drop thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
Thy beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the hearts of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be numb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still, small voice of calm!

The Hymn

The hymn comprises six verses from the poem (although most hymn books omit verse 4).  Soma is an hallucinogenic drink probably made from the fungus Amanita muscaria, or fly agaric, and used in Vedic rituals by Hindus in India in order to have union with the Deity.  In the poem Whittier sees the drinking of soma, like the use of incense and music in church, as distracting the mind from its proper purpose of worship.

    In sensual transports - wild as vain
    We brew in many a Christian fane
    The heathen Soma still!

After this catalogue of feverish distractions Whittier suddenly, with great effect, introduces the note of quiet: 'Dear Lord and Father of mankind', and the rest of the hymn in which is expressed the Quaker conviction that God is to be found in silence and stillness, through the inward peace of the worshipper rather than through outward stimulation and sensual excitement.  Biblical references include, verse 2; Mark 1:16-20, Matthew 4:18-22, verse 3; Luke 6:1-12, and verse 5; 1 Kings 19:11-12.

So, it's a hymn about why hymns are wrong and silence is right!  No wonder my bloody brain hurts.

The Music

This hymn is generally sung to the tune Repton, by Sir Hubert Parry (1848-1918).  Parry's tune was originally written in 1888 for the contralto aria 'Long since in Egypt's pleasant land' in his oratorio Judith.  In 1924 Dr George Gilbert Stocks, director of music at Repton School, set it to 'Dear Lord and Father of mankind' in a supplement of tunes for use in the school chapel.  Despite the need to repeat the last line of words, the tune Repton provides an inspired matching of words and music.  And it's one of my personal favourites.

Seeing everything

It was Doors Open Day in Glasgow at the weekend, and this year I was busy on Saturday (singing at a wedding in Stirling where the bride was almost 45 minutes late!) and decided not to bother with much on the Sunday, but the one thing I went to see was well worth it.  The Britannia Panopticon Music Hall in Trongate is the oldest surviving music hall in Britain and possibly the world, they say, and although in a state of disrepair, to say the least, you can still get a sense of what it must have been like.

The photo above is taken from the stage looking out.  In its day, which ranged from 1857 to 1938, that stage played host to many of the big stars of the time such as Dan Leno, Harry Lauder, Marie Loftus, Charles Coburn, Harry Champion and W. F. Frame and in 1906 saw the stage debut of sixteen year Arthur Stanley Jefferson who was the son of the theatre manager.  So what, you say.  Well young Arthur was later to be more famously known as Stan Laurel. 

So for the Stan Laurel link alone it's an historically significant building, and it's well worth a visit on one of their occasional open days.As well as the site linked to above, they have a Myspace site which I haven't looked at properly yet but may be worth a visit.

In addition to the acts on stage the attic was converted in 1906 to a waxworks, carnival and freak show, and the basement contained a zoo.  So when you add 1500 working class men straight from work into the equation, the term "the roar of the greasepaint and smell of the crowd" doesn't seem quite so silly!

They have a long way to go in the renovation, but I suspect they'll get there, if the enthusiasm of the volunteer guides is anything to go by.

Oh, and the title of this post is from the translation of the Greek word Panopticon:

Pan = everything, Optika = to see

Yarr!

Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, it be!

So buckle your swashes, put on your tri-corn hat, and get into the spirit of it all, or ye be finding yourselves in Davy Jones' Locker soon enough!

Arrr.

English is tough stuff

Multi-national personnel at NATO headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sleeve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation - think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough -
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is just give up!

EL Wisty in space

Now here's an interesting fact, as the late, great, Peter Cook may have said when adopting the persona of EL Wisty.

I caught the last bit of the Royal Institution of Great Britain Christmas Lectures on TV this evening, and discovered that the little chip on your credit or debit card (as in "Chip & PIN") has 30 times more computing power and 100 times the memory of the computer that was the guidance system which took Apollo 11 to the moon in 1969.

Just take a moment to think about that.

Absolutely incredible, and something which clearly supports Moore's Law which basically states that every two years the number of transistors which can be placed on a circuit board doubles. This law is also generally taken to apply to the characteristics of lots of electronic devices, such as memory etc. I still remember big old radios full of lovely glowing hot valves. Fortunately by the time I was being taught Radio, TV and Electronics Servicing at college the transistor age was well and truly here, so the age of fragile valves, like that of steam, had gone.

Incidentally, have a look at the video below (WARNING - PG) to see the unedited original reaction of Neil Armstrong to his one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind! A version is also on my own Website.

I'm a performer!

Thank you to Kelvin for pointing me from his Blog in the direction of Typealyzer, which, when you enter the URL of a Blog analyses the writing style of the author and slots it into the Myers-Briggs typology.

So, apparently in my Blog writing style I am type ESFP, a performer! Specifically:

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

They enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

Hmmm, not sure about the soft fabrics and sweet smells bit, but the rest is scarily recognisable. To me anyway, perhaps those who know me in real life may disagreee of course!

According to Wikipedia:

ESFPs live in the moment, experiencing life to the fullest. They enjoy people, as well as material comforts. Rarely allowing conventions to interfere with their lives, they find creative ways to meet human needs. ESFPs are excellent team players, focused on completing the task at hand with maximum fun and minimum discord. Active types, they find pleasure in new experiences.

ESFPs take a hands-on approach in most things. Because they learn more by doing than by studying or reading, they tend to rush into things, learning by interacting with their environment. They usually dislike theory and written explanations. Traditional schools can be difficult for ESFPs, although they tend to do well when the subject of study interests them, or when they see the relevance of a subject and are allowed to interact with people.

Observant, practical, realistic, and specific, ESFPs make decisions according to their own personal standards. They use their Feeling judgment internally to identify and empathize with others. Naturally attentive to the world around them, ESFPs are keen observers of human behavior. They quickly sense what is happening with other people and immediately respond to their individual needs. They are especially good at mobilizing people to deal with crises. Generous, optimistic, and persuasive, they are good at interpersonal interactions. They often play the role of peacemaker due to their warm, sympathetic, and tactful nature.

ESFPs love being around people and having new experiences. Living in the here-and-now, they often do not think about long term effects or the consequences of their actions. While very practical, they generally despise routines, instead desiring to 'go with the flow.' They are, in fact, very play minded. Because ESFPs learn better through hands-on experience, classroom learning may be troublesome for many of them, especially those with a very underdeveloped intuitive side.

How Others May Perceive ESFPs

Others usually see ESFPs as resourceful and supportive, as well as gregarious, playful, and spontaneous. ESFPs get a lot of satisfaction out of life and are fun to be around. Their exuberance and enthusiasm draw others to them. They are flexible, adaptable, congenial, and easygoing. They seldom plan ahead, trusting their ability to respond in the moment and deal effectively with whatever presents itself. They dislike structure and routine and will generally find ways to bend the rules.


That said, I did one of these online tests a while ago, on another Website, and according to that I was an ESTJ, and according to Wikipedia:

ESTJs are practical, realistic, and matter-of-fact, with a natural head for business or mechanics. Though they are not interested in subjects they see no use for, they can apply themselves when necessary. They like to organize and run activities. ESTJs make good administrators, especially if they remember to consider others' feelings and points of view, which they often miss.

According to Keirsey, ESTJs are civic-minded individuals who dedicate themselves to maintaining the institutions behind a smooth-running society. They are defenders of the status quo and strong believers in rules and procedures. ESTJs are outgoing and do not hesitate to communicate their opinions and expectations to others.

To be honest I can see perhaps more of myself in the ESTJ one, although there are bits from both that I'd consider relevant. Just goes to show that nothing's ever clear cut!

Colour IQ

Here's a fun way to pass a few minutes. Go to this page and try the colour hue test which shows your perception of colour. A lower score is better, I scored 30.

Enjoy!

Whiny things

Went to a Thanksgiving party last night in the east end of Glasgow, which was a really good occasion. On the way there though RE and I, who had been in The Lansdowne having a beer and watching the All Blacks work it up England, went and collected GS and GS to give them a lift to the party. Needing some alcohol to take to it, well I was anyway - RE was driving (and had not partaken of beer while watching the rugby), we stopped outside an off licence in Maryhill Rd and I nipped in to do the necessary.

Now, dear gentle reader, I am no snob. Not in a real way anyway. But I do have certain standards, and I recognise that there are different, ahem, cultures living cheek by jowl all around Glasgow (and other places too).

One sure fire way of spotting the sort of area you're in is to walk into an off licence. For example, the ones in the west end, the trendy studenty west end, of Glasgow are bright welcoming places, often with large stacks of wine and beer from all around the world invitingly lying in the middle of the floor, from which you can make your selection if there's nothing on the wall shelves which takes your fancy. This is of course after having lifted down a few bottles to read their labels in an effort to aid the decision making process.

Not so the one in Maryhill Rd. You walk into what is essentially a cage three feet wide by six feet long. Everything is behind either metal bars or what looks like bulletproof plexi-glass. There's a tiny hatch which can be opened by the staff when they swap your money for their products. The important thing is that you can not touch anything, so you can't steal anything.

So into this cage I went, with two young chaps standing in front of me in the queue, both dressed in the ubiquitous ned uniform of white trackies (tracksuits to you and me). The first one, who was already being served, handed over his ten pound note, which at first the staff member attempted to refuse. When asked why, she told him that "half of it's missing!" In a uniquely Glasgow nasal whine, which sadly I really can't do justice to in the written word, he pleaded his case, hampered only slightly by the fact that he was clearly ripped out his tits on something rather stronger than mere alcohol. If you know what I mean. After not very much bargaining, the staff member relented and accepted the torn cash, at which point junkie boy was most enthusiastic in his offering of thanks. By the way.

So that left one person in front of me. He wasn't an obvious junkie, but looked like your average young ned. In a clearly well practised routine, he handed over his passport to the staff member, without being asked to, who checked his age and handed it back, and in a similar, yet less ripped to the tits, whine, he requested a bottle of fortified wine, and a packet containing ten cigarettes. Well, he actually said "a boattle 'o Buckie an' ten Mayfair", but I knew what he meant, speaking fluent ned when required due to that requirement often being called upon in a previous occupation.

So far so normal. In some places anyway. But there was a follow up question from the staff member, clearly well versed in the partaking of said Buckfast Tonic Wine, which caused me some surprise. She asked him if he'd like one from the fridge. Neddy boy merely whined "Aye!" in a tone of whine that suggested "of course you silly lady, why ever would I want a warm one?".

So, my educational horizon has been expanded yet again, every day being a school day and all that guff. In my years growing up in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire I was obviously aware of the presence of Buckfast. I even tasted it once. And I served it, ironically of course, insisting that all present tasted it, at the housewarming party in my previous flat on the grounds that I'd moved back from Renfrewshire to Glasgow, which is technically in Lanarkshire, so I should serve the local wine! But until that moment of Epiphany last night, I never knew it was apparently best drunk chilled! I can't wait for next summer!

So, he departed and that left me. I asked for some bottles of Corona beer, which the staff member walked away to get. While she was away though, another three people came in behind me. Nedettes. In all their glory. "Oh shit!" I thought, knowing what else I had been tasked with obtaining. The Corona was brought to the counter (still behind the screen though, you don't get it passed out until the money, torn or otherwise, has been given over) and I was asked "anything else?". Clearing my throat I asked "have you any ..... fruit juice, like Schloer or something?". She looked at me, making eye contact for the first time, and just sadly shook her head while saying "naw son, we don't have anything like that here, try Tesco". I paid for my Corona and squeezed past the three nedettes to the outside world and my friends in the car.

The party was great!

A long time in politics

It's been almost a week since my last post. So much for my silent promise to myself to aim to get back to Blogging every day!

So what's new? I hear you ask. Not that much really. I'm still happy, for reasons which are perhaps now gradually becoming clearer to more and more friends, but which will remain unpublished here for the moment. All will be revealed in due course.

I finally got both my IAM car and motorcycle certificates framed this evening. The IAM were offering a "framing service" which cost, from memory, about £30 per A4 certificate, and all it was was a frame and mount into which you placed your own certificate. I visited an art shop in a local shopping mall (Braehead) and bought a large wooden frame and a mount which will take two certificates together side by side, and all for £22. It looks pretty good too.

Last week Glasgow Chamber Choir finally confirmed that our trip to Marseilles in the south of France is going ahead at the start of May. My flights are now booked and I'm looking forward to spending some time with close friends in a sunny place.

Yesterday, being the second Sunday of the month, was the IAM Glasgow North Group bike ride. I turned up at the appointed place at the normal time, and including me the total number of motorcycles there was one!

Yep, on my own.

One of the regulars though turned up in his car, having come straight from work, to say he was sorry he couldn't make it. That was very nice of him.

So I set off on my own, and headed east along the M8 motorway to Edinburgh. A quick trip round the city centre and up to the view point at Calton Hill which is a high point at the eastern end of Princes Street where I took the photo on the right, which is the view looking north over Edinburgh and the river Forth with Fife in the distance.

I then headed out to North Berwick, a nice little seaside town on the North Sea. Returning via Edinburgh again I completed an enjoyable 5 hour ride, arriving home around 3pm.

Last week, I can't remember which evening, I had a short ride up to Loch Lomond, which is only a few miles north of my house.

The image on the right is of the bike stopped in a layby next to the loch. Not bad scenery isn't it!

And don't forget that this Friday, March 14th, is Steak and a Blowjob day. Mark it in your diary now!

So that's all for the moment. A short random stream of consciousness post. I really must get back to doing this more regularly!

Useful condescending phrases

Shamelessly stolen from the wonderful wonderful resource that is t'InterWeb:

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Skeggy

The image on the left is a classic 1933 advert for Skegness.

It was a poster produced for the London & North Eastern Railway (LNER) to promote rail travel to the Lincolnshire coastal resort town and it shows the ‘Jolly Fisherman’ dancing along the beach.

The 'Jolly Fisherman' poster is one of the most famous English holiday posters. First published in 1908 by the Great Northern Railway (GNR) which paid twelve pounds for it, since then the 'Jolly Fisherman' has been caricatured and re-drawn over and over again.

It was an outstanding poster for its time, because most Victorian and Edwardian posters were restrained and factual.

The artwork is by Frank Newbould (1887-1951) after John Hassall (1868-1948), who first drew the character.

I believe the image on the right is the original version.

Yes indeed. It has certainly been caricatured. I have on my bathroom wall a framed version of it produced by the comic Viz in 1996. A much better version!

This was the January page of its calendar. A famous calendar because I believe it was that year which inadvertently had the 31st of April listed, thereby throwing out every date after that and rendering the calendar useless!

Anyway, the January image is shown on the left and it features not the Jolly Fisherman dancing along the beach, but one of the Fat Slags from Viz bouncing along a litter-strewn beach.

In case you can't make out the small text at the bottom it says "Issued by the Mablethorpe Tourism Association. Mablethorpe - Not as bad as Skegness". Mablethorpe is a nearby coastal town.

Not on the image on the left, but on the original calendar, was the text underneath which said:

Popularly known as the Jolly Slag, this design became a classic of the poster advertising genre. Commissioned by the Mablethorpe Tourism Association as a spoiling tactic against their East Lincolnshire coast rivals, the design backfired. Rather than drawing visitors away from the more popular resort and to neighbouring Mablethorpe, holidaymakers flocked to Skegness in their tens of thousands to see for themselves exactly how shit it was. Skegness later retaliated with a series of its own watercolour posters, among them the classic "Mablethorpe stinks of piss", "Mablethorpe is for puffs" and the highly collectable "Mablethorpe can suck my cock".

A classic, and one I felt I had to remove from the calendar 11 years ago and keep framed.

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika

The final of the 2007 Rugby World Cup is upon us. England v South Africa. I have no chip on my shoulder about England or the English (unlike several Scots I could name) at least partly because I only have to go back a couple of generations to be firmly English in more than one strand of my ancestry and perhaps partly because I have been married to two English women (at different times, obviously) and have lived there for a few years, but my opinion, for what it's worth, as far as performance during the tournament so far is that South Africa deserve to win, not England.

A long time ago my family (i.e. mum dad me and my brother) almost emigrated to South Africa, my parents changing their minds at the very last minute. In tribute to that country, and nicked from the ANC Website, I present to you some stuff relating to their National Anthem

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika was composed in 1897 by Enoch Sontonga, a teacher at a Methodist mission school in Johannesburg. It was one of many songs he composed, and he was apparently a keen singer who composed the songs for his pupils. The words of the first stanza were originally written in Xhosa as a hymn. In 1927 seven additional Xhosa stanzas were later added by Samuel Mqhayi, a poet.

Most of Sontonga's songs were sad, witnessing the suffering of African people in Johannesburg, but they were popular and after his death in 1905 choirs used to borrow them from his wife.

Solomon Plaatje, one of South Africa's greatest writers and a founding member of the ANC, was the first to have the song recorded. This was in London in 1923. A Sesotho version was published in 1942 by Moses Mphahlele.

The Rev J L Dube's Ohlange Zulu Choir popularised Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika at concerts in Johannesburg, and it became a popular church hymn that was also adopted as the anthem at political meetings.

For decades Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika was regarded as the national anthem of South Afrika by the oppressed and it was always sung as an act of defiance against the apartheid regime. A proclamation issued by the State President on 20 April 1994 stipulated that both Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika and Die Stem (the Call of South Africa) would be the national anthems of South Africa. In 1996 a shortened, combined version of the two anthems was released as the new National Anthem.

There are no standard versions or translations of Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika so the words vary from place to place and from occasion to occasion. Generally the first stanza is sung in Xhosa or Zulu, followed by the Sesotho version.

So, join in if you know the tune:

Classic Xhosa Version:

Nkosi, sikelel' iAfrika;
Malupakam'upondo lwayo;
Yiva imitandazo yetu
Usisikelele.

Chorus
Yihla Moya, Yihla Moya,
Yihla Moya Oyingcwele

Sikelela iNkosi zetu;
Zimkumbule umDali wazo;
Zimoyike zezimhlonele,
Azisikelele.

Sikelel' amadod' esizwe,
Sikelela kwa nomlisela
Ulitwal'ilizwe ngomonde,
Uwusikelele.

Sikelel'amakosikazi;
Nawo onk'amanenekazi;
Pakamisa wonk'umtinjana
Uwusikelele.

Sikelela abafundisi
Bemvaba zonke zelilizwe;
Ubatwese ngoMoya Wako
Ubasikelele.

Sikelel'ulimo nemfuyo;
Gxota zonk'indlala nezifo;
Zalisa ilizwe ngempilo
Ulisikelele

Sikelel'amalinge etu
Awomanyano nokuzaka,
Awemfundo nemvisiswano
Uwasikelele.

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika;
Cima bonk' ubugwenxa bayo
Nezigqito, nezono zayo
Uyisikelele.

Original Lovedale English Translation

Lord, bless Africa;
May her horn rise high up;
Hear Thou our prayers And bless us.

Chorus
Descend, O Spirit,
Descend, O Holy Spirit.

Bless our chiefs
May they remember their Creator.
Fear Him and revere Him,
That He may bless them.

Bless the public men,
Bless also the youth
That they may carry the land with patience
and that Thou mayst bless them.

Bless the wives
And also all young women;
Lift up all the young girls
And bless them.

Bless the ministers
of all the churches of this land;
Endue them with Thy Spirit
And bless them.

Bless agriculture and stock raising
Banish all famine and diseases;
Fill the land with good health
And bless it.

Bless our efforts
of union and self-uplift,
Of education and mutual understanding
And bless them.

Lord, bless Africa
Blot out all its wickedness
And its transgressions and sins,
And bless it.

Current Xhosa Version

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo
Yiva imathandazo yethu
Nkosi Sikelela Nkosi Sikelela

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo
Yiva imathandazo yethu
Nkosi Sikelela
Thina lusapho lwayo.

Chorus
Yihla moya, yihla moya
Yihla moya oyingcwele
Nkosi Sikelela
Thina lusapho lwayo.
(Repeat)

Sesotho Version

Morena boloka sechaba sa heso
O fedise dintwa le matshwenyeho,
Morena boloka sechaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa le matshwenyeho.

O se boloke, o se boloke,
O se boloke, o se boloke.
Sechaba sa heso, Sechaba sa heso.
O se boloke morena se boloke,
O se boloke sechaba, se boloke.
Sechaba sa heso, sechaba sa heso.

Ma kube njalo! Ma kube njalo!
Kude kube ngunaphakade.
Kude kube ngunaphakade!

Zulu Version

Nkosi, sikelel' iAfrika,
Malupnakanyisw' udumo lwayo;
Yizwa imithandazo yethu
Nkosi sikelela,
Nkosi sikelela,

Nkosi, sikelel' iAfrika,
Malupnakanyisw' udumo lwayo;
Yizwa imithandazo yethu
Nkosi sikelela,
Nkosi sikelela,

Woza Moya (woza, woza),
Woza Moya (woza, woza),
Woza Moya, Oyingcwele.
Usisikelele,
Thina lusapho lwayo.

Current English Version

Lord, bless Africa
May her spirit rise high up
Hear thou our prayers
Lord bless us.

Lord, bless Africa
May her spirit rise high up
Hear thou our prayers
Lord bless us Your family.

Chorus
Descend, O Spirit
Descend, O Holy Spirit
Lord bless us
Your family.
(Repeat)

Afrikaans Version

Seen ons Here God, seen Afrika,
Laat sy mag tot in die hemel reik,
Hoor ons as ons in gebede vra,
Seen ons in Afrika,
Kinders van Afrika.

Daal neer o Gees, Heilige Gees,
Daal neer o Gees, Heilige Gees,
Kom woon in ons,
Lei ons, O Heilige Gees.

Hou U hand o Heer oor Afrika,
Lei ons tot by eenheid en begrip,
Hoor ons as ons U om vrede vra,
Seen ons in Afrika,
Kinders van Afrika.

Seen ons Here God, seen Afrika,
Neem dan nou die boosheid van ons weg,
Maak ons van ons sonde ewig vry,
Seen ons in Afrika,
Kinders van Afrika.

So whichever version you know or prefer, join in. And good luck to both teams, may the better one win.

Grammar Nazi

First, congratulations to Emma & Andy Mogendorff on the birth of their daughter Dara, a sister for Toby, a few days ago. Andy used to sing in St Mary's Cathedral Choir, but now lives across the pond in Minnesota. Andy's Blog is always worth a read.


I've just finished re-reading the rather excellent A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. I heartily recommend it to you if you haven't already read it, particularly if, like me, you're a sucker for that very modern genre, books on Popular Science. The image on the right kind of sums up the sort of normal "easy" explanations you come across, but Bill Bryson's book is wonderfully well written and explains things to the layman.




Apologies for the image below (no, not really, I make no apologies for anything written in or displayed on this Blog) but it's on a subject close to my heart. Grammar that is, not necrophilia. The Website from which it comes contains brilliant cartoons, but let's just say they aren't always ones you'd allow your maiden aunt to see. In these days of youngsters often spelling using txt spk, even when not actually using Short Messaging Service (SMS) on their phones, it saddens me that spelling and grammar seem to be dying skills amongst a large part of the population.