I am indebted to RE for forwarding the following. No doubt it's already been doing the rounds of t'InterWeb, but it's the first time I've seen it so here goes. Oh, and if there are enough requests I'll provide a translation in a future post!
Sky are rumoured to be close to launching their own dedicated Scottish Channel later this month, and have previewed what they are intending to broadcast. Here's a selection of the listed programmes:
9am News and whaur it's pishin doon
9.30am How clarty is yer hoose?
This week the ladies pay a visit to a man whose wife shot the craw only three days ago to find the entire hoose under five inches of stoor and the cludgy honkin o' pish
10am The Mags Hainey Show
Early mornin chat show hosted by big Mags Hainey in which neds and Sengas settle their petty differences by screaming obscenities and attacking each other with furniture for the amusement of the viewing public. This morning's episode is entitled "Whaur's ma effin hoosekeepin money disappeared tae?"
12.30pm News and whaur it's pishin doon
Soap opera set in the village of Kinghorn in Fife. This week Archie accuses Morag of being in league with Lucifer and has her burned at the stake.
Angels wi Manky Coupons
4pm Tam the Tank Engine
Tam goes aff the rails and the Fat Controller is chuffed tae bits
4.15pm Boab the Builder
Reality show where Boab is investigated by the Inland Revenue
6pm News and whaur it's pishin doon
7pm Doaktir Whae
In this week's episode the Scottish time traveller takes the TARDIS back tae 1966 and breks Geoff Hurst's legs wae a sonic Glesca screwdriver
7.30pm Torn Faced Cockney Wankers
Eastenders wi' subtitles. In tonight's episode, Pauline gets her jotters fae the steamie while the rest o' the cast stoat aboot wi' faces the length o' Leith Walk
9pm Fitba Player's Burds
Drama surrounding the players of fourth division Auchtermuchty Rovers and their off-pitch antics. This week Boaby is worried that the club is facing relegation while Moira is gettin' it baw-deep from the Aberfeldy Academicals goalie.
10pm News and whaur it's pishin doon
12.30am Merrit Wi Weans
Re-make of the popular American sit-com 'Married With Children.' In this week's episode Al sits in front o' the telly scratchin his baws while Peg is still chokin' for her Nat King Cole.
1.30am The Beechgrove Back-Green
The boys plans tae dae up a gairdin in Niddrie are scuppered when local neds eff off wi the wheelbarra
2.15am Close Doon