In July there is a traditional two week holiday in the west of Scotland called "The Glasgow Fair" when lots of people head off to various holiday destinations, including Blackpool.
One such Glasgow worthy did just that one year but sadly managed to quickly bring himself to the attention of the Blackpool Police for some misdemeanour at which point the Police National Computer revealed that a Warrant was in existence for this fine chap since for some reason Glasgow Sheriff Court wanted to have a word! Lancashire Constabulary duly contacted the police office in which I worked at the time, where the warrant was held, to ask if we still wanted him. Which we did.
As is the norm, it was arranged that two nightshift cops would take an unmarked car down the 195 miles south to Blackpool, and my shift was working nightshift so the two cops chosen were Tam and Mackem. They decided to share the driving and Mackem (who is a good guy but was not always known for his even temperament) was behind the wheel when they set off southbound. They arrived in Blackpool at about 2am and established that the prisoner was completely compliant and wouldn't cause them any problems so loaded him handcuffed into the back seat of the car and set off again, this time with Tam driving.
First though, Tam assured Mackem that he knew the route back north to the office, so Mackem settled into the front passenger seat and instantly fell asleep.
Tam directed the car along the M55 due East for about a dozen miles to its junction with the M6, whereupon he turned right (think about it!). About an hour later Mackem woke up and was idly gazing out the window and wondering how far north they'd reached when he saw the sign saying "Birmingham 20 miles" whereupon he shouted to Tam
"What the fuck are you doing, we're heading in the wrong direction!" to which Tam replied
"It's OK big man, I know a shortcut!".
The car was then stopped on the hard shoulder and apparently the prisoner had to physically separate the two cops to stop Mackem killing Tam!