And its colours they are fine

I was out for a ride on the bike on Sunday. I found myself passing Holytown in Lanarkshire and decided to stop off to spend a moment or two at the grave of my great grandparents, Sarah Shaw and John Henry, who were originally from Carrowlustia, Calry, Carbury, County Sligo in Ireland, and came over to Scotland, via a stay in Liverpool, some time before 1906.

Their grave is the one bottom centre of the photo at rather a jaunty angle.



I never knew John Henry, he died 8 years before I was born, but I well remember my Gran Henry, who died in February 1975, when I was 13. She was a formidable woman who, despite having been away from Ireland for 70 years never lost her broad, lovely, Irish accent.

All her days she was a member of the Orange Order, and I believe that in her latter years and confined to a wheelchair she was pushed along in various annual processions in Lanarkshire. I make no apologies for her in that regard. She was an adult and clearly had decided that this was something right for her and despite my opinions on this I have no right to say she shouldn't have been involved in it.

Anyway, as I was standing by their grave, I took the photo above and somehow it seemed right that people were marching past behind the Union Flag. OK, it wasn't the Orange Lodge, but a group of Boys' Brigade members, but I still can't help feeling that Gran Henry would have been happy to have that flag borne past her final resting place.

Sir Monocle

Get your arse over to have a look at Sir Monocle's Blog, which is described as the views of an organist and gentleman, so presumably there must be two people writing it, as those terms are usually mutually exclusive!

Anyone who counts Brandy Drinking and Church Music amongst his interests can't be all bad, and when was the last time you saw a list of someone's taste in music which includes Sir David Willcocks, Francois Couperin, Paul Weller, Charlie Mingus and Stan Getz?

I like this man!

Gorilla

I used to be a drummer, but not as good as this one!

Skeggy

The image on the left is a classic 1933 advert for Skegness.

It was a poster produced for the London & North Eastern Railway (LNER) to promote rail travel to the Lincolnshire coastal resort town and it shows the ‘Jolly Fisherman’ dancing along the beach.

The 'Jolly Fisherman' poster is one of the most famous English holiday posters. First published in 1908 by the Great Northern Railway (GNR) which paid twelve pounds for it, since then the 'Jolly Fisherman' has been caricatured and re-drawn over and over again.

It was an outstanding poster for its time, because most Victorian and Edwardian posters were restrained and factual.

The artwork is by Frank Newbould (1887-1951) after John Hassall (1868-1948), who first drew the character.

I believe the image on the right is the original version.

Yes indeed. It has certainly been caricatured. I have on my bathroom wall a framed version of it produced by the comic Viz in 1996. A much better version!

This was the January page of its calendar. A famous calendar because I believe it was that year which inadvertently had the 31st of April listed, thereby throwing out every date after that and rendering the calendar useless!

Anyway, the January image is shown on the left and it features not the Jolly Fisherman dancing along the beach, but one of the Fat Slags from Viz bouncing along a litter-strewn beach.

In case you can't make out the small text at the bottom it says "Issued by the Mablethorpe Tourism Association. Mablethorpe - Not as bad as Skegness". Mablethorpe is a nearby coastal town.

Not on the image on the left, but on the original calendar, was the text underneath which said:

Popularly known as the Jolly Slag, this design became a classic of the poster advertising genre. Commissioned by the Mablethorpe Tourism Association as a spoiling tactic against their East Lincolnshire coast rivals, the design backfired. Rather than drawing visitors away from the more popular resort and to neighbouring Mablethorpe, holidaymakers flocked to Skegness in their tens of thousands to see for themselves exactly how shit it was. Skegness later retaliated with a series of its own watercolour posters, among them the classic "Mablethorpe stinks of piss", "Mablethorpe is for puffs" and the highly collectable "Mablethorpe can suck my cock".

A classic, and one I felt I had to remove from the calendar 11 years ago and keep framed.

It's true!

This is how cats wake you up.

Another anniversary

Twelve years ago today I passed my motorcycle test. Now I am looking forward to sitting my advanced motorcycle test as soon as possible (I'm just waiting for a phone call from the examiner to arrange a mutually agreeable date) and my advanced car driving test in due course once I've had a few more sessions with an observer.

Every day is a school day.

Website updated

I've added a new page on my Website, containing motorcycling stuff. So far all it is really is my "CV" of motorcycling and a few photos, but in due course I might develop it further.

I had planned on doing a bit of riding this weekend, but haven't got round to it yet. It's too bloody cold and damp! Maybe I'll get the bus into town and find a pub to spend the afternoon in instead!

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika

The final of the 2007 Rugby World Cup is upon us. England v South Africa. I have no chip on my shoulder about England or the English (unlike several Scots I could name) at least partly because I only have to go back a couple of generations to be firmly English in more than one strand of my ancestry and perhaps partly because I have been married to two English women (at different times, obviously) and have lived there for a few years, but my opinion, for what it's worth, as far as performance during the tournament so far is that South Africa deserve to win, not England.

A long time ago my family (i.e. mum dad me and my brother) almost emigrated to South Africa, my parents changing their minds at the very last minute. In tribute to that country, and nicked from the ANC Website, I present to you some stuff relating to their National Anthem

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika was composed in 1897 by Enoch Sontonga, a teacher at a Methodist mission school in Johannesburg. It was one of many songs he composed, and he was apparently a keen singer who composed the songs for his pupils. The words of the first stanza were originally written in Xhosa as a hymn. In 1927 seven additional Xhosa stanzas were later added by Samuel Mqhayi, a poet.

Most of Sontonga's songs were sad, witnessing the suffering of African people in Johannesburg, but they were popular and after his death in 1905 choirs used to borrow them from his wife.

Solomon Plaatje, one of South Africa's greatest writers and a founding member of the ANC, was the first to have the song recorded. This was in London in 1923. A Sesotho version was published in 1942 by Moses Mphahlele.

The Rev J L Dube's Ohlange Zulu Choir popularised Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika at concerts in Johannesburg, and it became a popular church hymn that was also adopted as the anthem at political meetings.

For decades Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika was regarded as the national anthem of South Afrika by the oppressed and it was always sung as an act of defiance against the apartheid regime. A proclamation issued by the State President on 20 April 1994 stipulated that both Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika and Die Stem (the Call of South Africa) would be the national anthems of South Africa. In 1996 a shortened, combined version of the two anthems was released as the new National Anthem.

There are no standard versions or translations of Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika so the words vary from place to place and from occasion to occasion. Generally the first stanza is sung in Xhosa or Zulu, followed by the Sesotho version.

So, join in if you know the tune:

Classic Xhosa Version:

Nkosi, sikelel' iAfrika;
Malupakam'upondo lwayo;
Yiva imitandazo yetu
Usisikelele.

Chorus
Yihla Moya, Yihla Moya,
Yihla Moya Oyingcwele

Sikelela iNkosi zetu;
Zimkumbule umDali wazo;
Zimoyike zezimhlonele,
Azisikelele.

Sikelel' amadod' esizwe,
Sikelela kwa nomlisela
Ulitwal'ilizwe ngomonde,
Uwusikelele.

Sikelel'amakosikazi;
Nawo onk'amanenekazi;
Pakamisa wonk'umtinjana
Uwusikelele.

Sikelela abafundisi
Bemvaba zonke zelilizwe;
Ubatwese ngoMoya Wako
Ubasikelele.

Sikelel'ulimo nemfuyo;
Gxota zonk'indlala nezifo;
Zalisa ilizwe ngempilo
Ulisikelele

Sikelel'amalinge etu
Awomanyano nokuzaka,
Awemfundo nemvisiswano
Uwasikelele.

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika;
Cima bonk' ubugwenxa bayo
Nezigqito, nezono zayo
Uyisikelele.

Original Lovedale English Translation

Lord, bless Africa;
May her horn rise high up;
Hear Thou our prayers And bless us.

Chorus
Descend, O Spirit,
Descend, O Holy Spirit.

Bless our chiefs
May they remember their Creator.
Fear Him and revere Him,
That He may bless them.

Bless the public men,
Bless also the youth
That they may carry the land with patience
and that Thou mayst bless them.

Bless the wives
And also all young women;
Lift up all the young girls
And bless them.

Bless the ministers
of all the churches of this land;
Endue them with Thy Spirit
And bless them.

Bless agriculture and stock raising
Banish all famine and diseases;
Fill the land with good health
And bless it.

Bless our efforts
of union and self-uplift,
Of education and mutual understanding
And bless them.

Lord, bless Africa
Blot out all its wickedness
And its transgressions and sins,
And bless it.

Current Xhosa Version

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo
Yiva imathandazo yethu
Nkosi Sikelela Nkosi Sikelela

Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika
Maluphakanyisw' uphondo lwayo
Yiva imathandazo yethu
Nkosi Sikelela
Thina lusapho lwayo.

Chorus
Yihla moya, yihla moya
Yihla moya oyingcwele
Nkosi Sikelela
Thina lusapho lwayo.
(Repeat)

Sesotho Version

Morena boloka sechaba sa heso
O fedise dintwa le matshwenyeho,
Morena boloka sechaba sa heso,
O fedise dintwa le matshwenyeho.

O se boloke, o se boloke,
O se boloke, o se boloke.
Sechaba sa heso, Sechaba sa heso.
O se boloke morena se boloke,
O se boloke sechaba, se boloke.
Sechaba sa heso, sechaba sa heso.

Ma kube njalo! Ma kube njalo!
Kude kube ngunaphakade.
Kude kube ngunaphakade!

Zulu Version

Nkosi, sikelel' iAfrika,
Malupnakanyisw' udumo lwayo;
Yizwa imithandazo yethu
Nkosi sikelela,
Nkosi sikelela,

Nkosi, sikelel' iAfrika,
Malupnakanyisw' udumo lwayo;
Yizwa imithandazo yethu
Nkosi sikelela,
Nkosi sikelela,

Woza Moya (woza, woza),
Woza Moya (woza, woza),
Woza Moya, Oyingcwele.
Usisikelele,
Thina lusapho lwayo.

Current English Version

Lord, bless Africa
May her spirit rise high up
Hear thou our prayers
Lord bless us.

Lord, bless Africa
May her spirit rise high up
Hear thou our prayers
Lord bless us Your family.

Chorus
Descend, O Spirit
Descend, O Holy Spirit
Lord bless us
Your family.
(Repeat)

Afrikaans Version

Seen ons Here God, seen Afrika,
Laat sy mag tot in die hemel reik,
Hoor ons as ons in gebede vra,
Seen ons in Afrika,
Kinders van Afrika.

Daal neer o Gees, Heilige Gees,
Daal neer o Gees, Heilige Gees,
Kom woon in ons,
Lei ons, O Heilige Gees.

Hou U hand o Heer oor Afrika,
Lei ons tot by eenheid en begrip,
Hoor ons as ons U om vrede vra,
Seen ons in Afrika,
Kinders van Afrika.

Seen ons Here God, seen Afrika,
Neem dan nou die boosheid van ons weg,
Maak ons van ons sonde ewig vry,
Seen ons in Afrika,
Kinders van Afrika.

So whichever version you know or prefer, join in. And good luck to both teams, may the better one win.

Another small step

At 0920hrs this morning the car park at PC World where the IAM meets to leave at 0930hrs sharp (it says on the Website) for the second-Sunday-of-the-month bike ride looked like the image on the right.

Yes, that's my bike. On its own.

At 0920hrs this morning I was not desperately happy. However soon afterwards 3 other stalwarts hoved into view and all was not lost.

In fact, since one of the three was a senior observer, what was decided was that I would have my mock test there and then. So in the car park before we set off I performed slow manoeuvres, starting with a u-turn within the width of 3 bays. Did you know that car parking bays are generally 2.5m wide, and a standard road is 7.3m wide? Did you? So three bays wide is about the width of an average road. I also performed a figure of eight or two. Exciting stuff.

I then led off from the car park down and across the river, to Rutherglen, up to East Kilbride and stopped at Strathaven. This covered some city roads, dual carriageways, and country roads, at varying speed limits between 30mph and 70mph. It was a mock test, but it wasn't really a case of "you've passed" or "you've failed" it was just so a senior observer could double check that the observer who says I'm ready for my test is correct. And he was. And I am. So I shall send away the paperwork requesting a date for my real test as soon as possible.

So, that obstacle overcome, we changed back to fun mode, and set off again, this time with me in position 3 of 4 and someone else leading down country roads into deepest darkest Ayrshire. We stopped off at a Little Chef (how long is it since you've been in one of them, eh?) for coffee and a snack, and set off again down roads I've never been on, which was refreshing.

Down via Patna, Dalmellington, Corsock, Crocketford (some of which I've never even heard of!) to Dumfries where we stopped for a toastie and a cup of tea. The image on the right is of my colleagues relaxing at the riverside after we'd eaten.

So we set off again northbound, over yet more roads unfamiliar to me.

Up the A76 through Thornhill, then turning right onto the A702 which was a most interesting twisty moorland road. We then found ourselves on the old A74, which has been superceded by the new A74 but you can still go on the original road, once dubbed the "killer A74" in the shitey moaning faced Scottish rag the Daily Record, or the Daily Ranger as it's known in some circles.

So, back home again about half past five. Tired, yet pleased and happy. The image on the left shows the route. Roughly 210 miles of town; city; twisty; country; fast; slow; motorway; straight; interesting roads.

I'm off for a nice hot bath now, perhaps with a small glass of something to congratulate myself on getting another step towards being an advanced rider.

Creative geography

There I was getting changed after my physiotherapy on Monday afternoon, when I overheard two physiotherapists chatting as they also got changed at the end of their shift (males I should say, lest you think I was getting changed with female physiotherapists. I should be so bloody lucky, they are mostly babes!).

They were youngish blokes, and judging by the accents neither was from Glasgow (or anywhere near) and they were chatting about where their respective flats were and how they routinely made their way home. One said that he almost always ran home, since he only lived in the southside of Glasgow and it was quicker to run than to get a bus to the city centre then a bus to the southside. The other said he usually walked home, and he had a flat "on the outskirts of the West End, in Ruchill" as I very nearly choked as I tried to contain myself.

Yes, ok this is probably a bit of an in-joke for Glaswegians, and for that I apologise to anyone not familiar with the area. Suffice to say it's very creative geographical profiling! You will no doubt be able to think of an equivalent junkie-bastard-stocked crime-ridden sink estate near you or known to you and a posh slightly up-itself area relatively near it, so you can understand why I nearly choked while trying to suppress laughter.

Website updates

Another pub (The Bentley Hotel, Motherwell) has been added to my Website, and an existing one (Poacher's Pocket, Whickham) updated.

I've got a list of more pubs which need added, and I'll get to them in due course.

I'm kind of in two or more minds about my Website. Do I keep it as it is with only the occasional update, and maybe in the future I'll get back into it, or should I perhaps move this Blog to it somehow and delete much or all of what's already there?

A real man

This is about to sound like my Blog is even more boring than usual (is that possible, I hear you ask), but stick with it, there's a point to all this.

I put a load in the washing machine last evening and left it to run its course. When I noticed it had stopped, I decided that it was too late to hang anything outside so I put it onto an hour's worth of tumble drying. I was aware that the drying cycle had been finished for probably an hour or more and I was about to go to bed so I decided to empty the machine. When I opened the loading door I was met with a blast of scalding steam which narrowly missed my face. All the clothes (and the bath towel) were still soaking wet and not only that, the water soaking them was almost boiling. On top of that the clothes felt slimy and I realised that this was due to the detergent still being in the water.

When I dragged the stuff out I realised that the washing machine drum was turning very freely in both directions when I applied hand pressure to it. Bollocks. The drive belt must have snapped, I thought. Too late last night to do anything, but with thoughts of washing machine service engineers standing looking at it and sucking in air through their teeth as they deliver the expensive bad news to me I went to bed in a very unhappy frame of mind.

This morning when I awoke I remembered that in a previous life (well actually several lives ago, this happened to be the first one after leaving school) I used to be an office equipment service engineer. At that time (and I choose those words carefully, don't ask me to do it now), I was extremely comfortable with dismantling and repairing photocopiers and, ahemm, typewriters (ask your mummies and daddies!) and I even attended college where I was awarded Distinctions in both the practical and theoretical modules of the City & Guilds in Radio, TV and Electronics Servicing for which I was studying. Why on earth wouldn't I be able dismantle a washing machine and fix it, I thought.

Now normally I work on the principal that DIY stands for Don't Involve Yourself, as those who know me, and particularly those who have been married to me, will no doubt testify. For some reason I forgot that this morning.

So, stopping only briefly to consult Google who led me to a great wee page on domestic appliance repairs (t'InterWeb really is all things to all men), and having despatched the cats to the relative safety of the great outdoors I manhandled the washing machine out of its tight space between cupboard and cooker, and set about taking it apart. I exaggerate of course. I only had to take off the top panel (two screws) to see that the drive belt had come off, not broken. Taking the back panel off (six screws) allowed me access to the belt, and after the judicious application of a bit of brute strength and pig ignorance, the belt was back on. The machine is now working happily re-washing the slimy stuff from last night.

Amazing the sense of smug satisfaction when you repair something yourself (thereby avoiding potentially expensive call out charges from engineers).

Off out on the bike now. The weather here is tremendous for October, but I don't know how many more nice weekends there will be this year so better make the most of it now.

That's it then

The classroom sessions are finished and will hopefully fade from my memory. Tonight I had my assessed drive. It went well, considering that the rain was falling horizontally (eh?) and the wind was buffeting the car to a surprisingly alarming degree.

So I now have yet another form, a bit like the one recording my progress on the motorcycle, completed by tonight's observer, which divides the driving skills into 8 neat departments.

The grades are as follow:

1 = Advanced Test Standard
2= Guidance (presumably means some guidance required)
3= Average
4= Needs development

The scores on the doors, and the comments, were:

3 - Starting Off Procedure (Polish off & sort out order - there's an A4 page detailing the starting procedure and although I covered everything I was a bit hesitant and had to think about each one, so I need to get a "script" into my head and say it every time I get in the car)
2 - Gear Selection & Use (Good work in town)
3 - Braking (Work on separation from gear change - you shouldn't brake and change gear at the same time. This is something of which I'm aware but I haven't yet started to try to put it into practice)
2 - Approach to Hazards (Spotted good & early, and position changed - this comes from being a biker!)
2 - Signalling (Thought about need for signal - I also explained in my commentary why I did or didn't signal each time. There isn't any point in signalling if it won't benefit other road users)
2 - Positioning (Allowed for hazards & cornering advantage - this also comes from being a biker)
x - Overtaking (In this weather, in the dark and on unfamiliar country roads? You must be joking, of course I didn't do any!)
2 - Making Progress (Good progress (town) - Considering the conditions tonight, this was good I thought)

The comments are pretty fair I think. I was hoping for at least one Grade 1, but that's probably unrealistic, particularly given the weather conditions. To put things in perspective, and you must remember that it's unlikely that anyone who didn't already consider themselves a reasonably good driver would put themselves forward for this course, one of the other associates on his assessed drive said afterwards that he didn't see a cow in the road (I didn't get the impression that he was joking) and his whole drive went really really badly.

I have now been allocated an observer, the same man who took two of us on the demonstration drive a couple of weeks ago, and we have pencilled in the first real observed drive for a week on Monday. I'm looking forward to it very much, and we are aiming to have me through my test before (well before, I hope) Christmas.

Watch this space.