Friday, June 30, 2006

The Meaning of Life

I'm just watching a bit of one of my favourite films on Sky Two right now, Monty Python's Meaning of Life, although I don't know why I'm bothering because I've got it on DVD along with their other films Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and the best one ever, Life of Brian.

Of all their songs, The Galaxy Song from Meaning of Life has to be one of their best! This link is to a great Flash animation of it, and I've reproduced the lyrics below.

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

Pure quality!

Another cracking song is the Medical Love Song

Inflammation of the foreskin reminds of your smile
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling, and I hope you get well soon

My clapped-out genitalia is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green

My heart is very tender though the parts are awful raw
You might have been infected but you never were a bore
I'm dying of your love, my love, I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science but I'm afraid they've turned it down

My penile warts your herpes, my syphilitic sores
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more
Your dobies itch my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhoea
At least we both were lying when we said that we were clear

Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus when you spirochaetes met mine

Gonoccoccalurethritis, streptocalbalinitis
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis
Epididymitis interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior uveitis

And then there's the one they've just had on screen, The Penis Song which has to be done in the proper Noel Coward accent

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend
Your Percy, or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock
But don't take it out in public
Or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't come back

Did I mention I've got the complete Monty Python Song Book!

And on another note, Mr Creosote is now onscreen. Waffer-thin mint anyone?

I'd better stop now otherwise this'll turn into a running commentary on the film!

As an aside, I have the complete scripts for Holy Grail and Life of Brian on my Website. I've got the Meaning of Life script on my hard drive but I haven't got round to formatting it for uploading to the Interweb yet.

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