Monday, March 21, 2011

The rules of Grammar

  1.   Verbs has to agree with their subjects
  2.   Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
  3.   And don't start a sentence with a conjunction
  4.   It is wrong to ever split an infinitive
  5.   Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
  6.   Also, always avoid annoying assonance*
  7.   Be more or less specific
  8.   Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary
  9.   Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies
  10.   No sentence fragments
  11.   Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used
  12.   Foreign words and phrases are not apropos
  13.   Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous
  14.   One should never generalise
  15.   Comparisons are as bad as clichés
  16.   Don't use no double negatives forever
  17.   Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc
  18.   One-word sentences? Eliminate
  19.   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake
  20.   The passive voice is to be ignored
  21.   Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
      Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas
  22.   Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice
  23.   Kill all exclamation marks!!!!
  24.   Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them
  25.   Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas
  26.   Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed
  27.   Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  28.   If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: "Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly."
  29.   Puns are for children, not groan readers
  30.   Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms
  31.   Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed
  32.   Who needs rhetorical questions?
  33.   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
      And finally...
  34.     Proofread carefully to see if you any words out


  1. Wonderful!!!

    You appear to have just about almost everything covered.

    Just a thought.....

    What about content? Oh, There's nothing left!

  2. Great fun. I scored 100% in my last post.

    I didn't sea anything about shelling. But I suppose that's not gammer ruke.