Thursday, February 10, 2011

Glaswegian Rhapsody

With apologies to Queen and the (unknown to me) author of this rather rude parody. Enjoy!

Is this the real life?
or is it the methadone?
stuck in the Gorbals, no cred on my mobile phone
open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine... like meeeeeeeeee!

Ah’m just a weegie
gie us yer Sunny D
cos I'll chib yer pal,
rip yer da,
slash yer dug,
ride yer ma,
anyway the Clyde flows,
disnae really matter tae me,
tae me.

Haw maw, just decked some bam,
Buckie bottle tae the heid,
Noo the fuckin bastard’s deid,
Haw maw, am just oot on parole,
An noo am headin back tae Barlineeee....
Haw maw .... oohoooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse,
But if am no full o' smack this time the morra',
Carry oot, carry oot,
An' we'll go oot on the batter,

Too late the bailiff's here,
Sends shivers doon ma spine,
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time,
Goodbye all my muckers, I've got to go,
Got to go and rip some wank fae up the scheme,

Haw maw... oohoooh ooh
I'm a jakey bam,
Sometimes I think I've never been washed at all,

I see a little silhouetto of a bam.
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get me some Kappa,
Thunderbird, White Lighting,
Very very frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I’m just a fat boy, naebody loves me
He’s just a fat boy fae a fat family,
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae fuck, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For fuck sake.... NO! I will not get a job,
Get a job,
For fuck sake.... I will not get a job,
Get a job.... Willnae get a job,
Get a job.... Willnae get a job,
no, no, no, no, no,
Oh gonorrhoea!
Gonorrhoea, gonorrhoea and the clap,
Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside for me?
For me, for meeeee!?

So you 'hink you can slash me and pish in my eye?
So ye 'hink ye can chib me an' leave me to die?
Haw bawbag, can't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot, just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!

Fuck all really matters, anyone can see
Fuck all really matters.....
Fuck all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeeeeeee... eeeeee


  1. Ah!the poetry of the Clyde.

    Bring tears to an old man's eyes.

  2. This is not the poetry i expected on this blog. I'm not sure if I'm more or less inclined to follow.

    Owen Sharpe
    New Zealand

  3. Barry, it does indeed!

    Owen, I presume it's the fact it contains swearing rather than any perceived lack of poetic worth, and I'm sorry if this has offended you but I draw your attention to the "About Me" section near the top right hand side of my Blog which clearly contains a caveat regarding my use of such language.

    As to whether you return and read my posts again, well I hope you will but clearly that's a matter for you. The type of posts and the language here isn't going to change.