The Cathedral Choir

Photography

2012-01-03T10:49:00.000Z

A long time ago I was interested in photography. I had a (cheap) SLR camera, and a selection of half-decent lenses and equipment to use with it, and I took a fair number of photos, some of which were reasonable quality.

Times moved on though, and I gradually fell out of the photography habit and stopped using the SLR, replacing it instead with a series of compact cameras and eventually with the advent of digital photography with a reasonable SLR-style Fuji S5700.

In July 2008 I took a photo of a fire in a scrapyard on the river Clyde, not all that far from where I live, and because I thought it might be newsworthy I emailed it to the BBC whereupon to my surprise they immediately published it on their news website. Fame at last!

Yesterday I received a message via the photo sharing website Flickr asking me to contact someone direct by email as they wished to licence the use of one of my photos and pay me a reproduction fee for it. I initially thought it was going to be a scam along the lines of "tell us your bank details and pay us a small fee and you'll get paid loads" but on searching online for the person who'd contacted me and confirmed that she does indeed work for who she said she worked for (which tied into the legitimate email address she had supplied) I emailed her and agreed that my photo could be used.

And so it came to pass that today on page 4 of the Scotland edition of The Times my photo of The Straw Locomotive hanging from the Finnieston Crane in Glasgow in 1987 was one of the small number of images used to illustrate an article on the 90th birthday of Scottish artist George Wyllie!

I'm still waiting for a form to be emailed to me at some point today so that I can arrange the reproduction fee to be paid, and it'll be a nice surprise because I don't know how much it'll be (although I expect it to be a VERY modest amount!).

Happy Christmas

2011-12-25T01:00:00.000Z

Happy Christmas to everyone who reads my occasional musings, particularly the small band of regular readers. May all that you wish for come true in 2012.

Cats with thumbs

2011-12-10T16:09:00.001Z

OK, I know it's an advert, but every so often the advertising agencies come up with a good one, and I happen to like this!

Under my skin

2011-11-27T12:20:00.001Z

Not something I'd normally look at, but I went to school with Dougie Johnston a LONG time ago, and we used to sing next to each other in the school choir. He does a lot of work for charity nowadays, and the video below is something he did for the MS Society.

Enjoy.

Bikes, Brides, Blow-Downs and Breakdowns

2011-11-21T21:32:00.001Z

After a year and a half of it being off the road due to a slipping clutch I couldn't justify spending money on to replace, last Friday I collected my wonderful BMW R1100RT motorcycle from my work colleague who had kindly offered to use it as his autumn/winter project and who'd been busy fixing it up in his spare time. With not only a new clutch, but a full service, new brake pads and pins, various minor repairs and two new tyres it sailed through the MOT without a hitch, so on Saturday morning I took advantage of the unseasonably mild and dry weather and went for a ride up through Argyll to Inveraray and back. Fantastic fun!

On Saturday evening with Glasgow Chamber Choir I sang in the Old World, New World concert in St Bride's Church in Hyndland, with glorious music by Victoria, Villa-Lobos, Casals, de Padilla, and Guererro. Lately most of the GCC concerts have featured music which has been a bit more modern in style than my first choice would be, so when for various personal reasons before the new term started in September I was considering whether I would leave the choir, perhaps temporarily perhaps permanently, the largely 17th century choice for this concert swung it towards me staying, for the moment at least. Suffice to say that the concert on Saturday, and repeated again on Sunday in the historic Canongate Kirk in Edinburgh (the church in which Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall were married in July this year), contained some of the best sounds I've heard the choir make (as well as one or two slightly less enjoyable arse-tightening moments!).

Before heading to Edinburgh on Sunday though, Ruth and I went to Motherwell to watch the demolition of Glencairn Tower, where I used to live a long time ago with my parents. We've both been meaning to catch a "live" blow-down of a tower block for the past few years but never managed to hear about one in time until now, and it didn't disappoint albeit it was over in just a few seconds. The images below weren't taken by me, but are "official" press ones which I've seen on several news websites so I've reproduced them here on the basis that they're of public interest, and the photographers will have been reimbursed by the mainstream media. In particular I think the third one, with the controlled buckling of the walls so apparent, is very striking. In the top picture our old house can be seen three floors from the top and roughly near the centre of the left half. In fact the large white banner is covering the window of my old bedroom!

So, taking the bike to work this morning I jumped at the chance to deliver a couple of pieces of mail which needed hand-delivery, one to Edinburgh and one to Kirkcaldy, but after already noticing oil leaking from one of the front forks when I was on the way to Edinburgh, the clutch cable snapped as I approached a set of lights at a very busy junction in the city centre. Fortunately I managed to bring the bike to a halt safely without hitting anything or dropping it, and made the call to the RAC. To cut a long story short (3 hour wait) a recovery truck eventually took me and the dead bike back to Glasgow and dropped it off at the garage who'd done the MOT, where it's now sitting waiting for the replacement parts to arrive, for the mechanic to fix it, and for me to shell out another £160! Hopefully though this will be the last such sudden expenditure for a while and I can get back to using the bike as much as is reasonably practical and safe over the winter.

Old World, New World

2011-11-07T01:00:00.000Z

The 2011-2012 season for Glasgow Chamber Choir is about to kick off with a concert in St Bride’s Church in Hyndland and in Canongate Kirk in Edinburgh over the weekend of 19th & 20th November 2011.

The concert is entitled Old World, New World, and features Tomas Luis de Victoria’s Requiem Mass of 1605, the lively Mexican baroque Missa Ego flos campi by Juan Gutierrez de Padilla, Ave Virgo sanctissima by Francisco Guererro, Bendita Sabedoria and two settings of Ave Maria by Heitor Villa-Lobos, and O vos omnes by Pablo Casals.

On both days the concert starts at 7.30pm, in Glasgow on the Saturday and in Edinburgh on the Sunday. Tickets cost only £10 (£7 concession) and are available on the door.

On Wednesday 21st December why not tune in to BBC Radio Scotland’s Get it on with Bryan Burnett from 6.10pm, where you’ll hear us singing carols live on the show as a small group of us did last year. It’s a request show, so you have your chance to get us to sing your favourite!

Our season continues with performances of Handel’s Messiah in Glasgow and in the beautiful Abbey of Culross in Fife over the weekend of 31st March – 1st April 2012.

We look forward to welcoming to Glasgow a choir from Gothenburg at the end of April and in early June we are planning a reciprocal visit to Sweden, then on 9th June in Glasgow there will be our White Nights – Music from the Baltics concert, with music from Estonia, Poland, Sweden and Finland.

Full details of venues and concert times can always be found on our website at www.glasgowchamberchoir.org.uk

Choral Mass

2011-11-04T11:21:00.001Z

At 5.45pm on Saturday 5th November 2011 RSCM Scottish Voices will be taking part in Choral Mass in St Aloysius' RC Church, 25 Rose Street, Glasgow G3 6RE.

The Mass setting will be Missa Brevis by Giovanni Perluigi da Palestrina (c1526-1594), and the communion Motet will be Ave Verum Corpus by William Byrd (c1539-1623).

St Aloysius' is a genuinely stunning building, full of marble and fine decoration, and this service promises to be the wonderful culmination of the 2011 season for the choir, performing beautiful music in the type of building for which it was written.

I learnt something anyway

2011-10-30T13:58:00.000Z

photo of rehearsal, by Michael Bawtree

Last night I attended an interesting concert. Interesting isn't necessarily a word often used in praise of a concert, but in this case it's pretty accurate.

Those who know me will be very well aware of my deeply held belief that pretty much all modern choral music is rubbish. It was with a sense of relief therefore that when Michael Bawtree, Director of Music of Glasgow Chamber Choir, announced that we'd be taking part in a concert of "experimental" music along with the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra I realised that I was unavailable for the rehearsals so wouldn't be able to sing on the night.

Despite my abhorrence of such nonsense, I decided to go along and support my fellow choristers by being in the audience (the tickets were free, so that helped) fuelled with the knowledge that there would be a small refreshment afterwards to dull the pain.

So off I trooped to the Old Fruitmarket, part of the City Halls complex in Glasgow's Merchant City. The first time I'd been in this unusual venue, and quite impressive it was too with apparently original street ambience. To my delight the first thing I saw was the open bar in the corner, so even more aural pain could potentially be dulled if necessary!

One pint of Belhaven Best in my hand, and I took my seat at the back of the auditorium, next to most of my fellow GCC members who were sitting in on the first half prior to their piece which took up all the second half.

The concert was being recorded by the BBC for broadcast later the same evening on the BBC Radio 3 Hear and Now programme. For the next week I believe you can hear the programme using the BBC iPlayer by following this link. About 27 minutes into it you can hear a mini-documentary, and from about 41 minutes the choir piece can be heard.

But I'm jumping ahead slightly. What was the rest of the concert all about. Well, although it was called Cardew's The Great Learning it was only the final piece, the choir one, that was by Cornelius Cardew (1936-1981). The first half featured music by Giacinto Scelsi (1905-1988), John Cage (1912-1992), and Howard Skempton (b.1947).

The performance was presented from the stage and directed by Martyn Brabbins, who also played trombone in the second half, and who clearly knows his stuff and has the easy manner and charm to engage the audience very well indeed. Interestingly the programme notes said "Martyn Brabbins last worked with the BBC SSO in December 2011, at the orchestra's 75th birthday concert, here at City Halls" so I trust that's a typo and not a premonition of this concert doing for his career!

I'm no music critic, but I'll try to outline my honest thoughts as a layman, albeit one who is admittedly and unashamedly biased against this sort of music. But it's my Blog, and I'm not asking you to agree with me!

The first item was Ohio, for 16 strings, by Scelsi. The programme notes mention that his eccentricity was so extreme that he decribed himself not as "composer" but rather "a messenger". Using microtones as it did, my impression of the piece is that it seemed to be somewhat reminiscent of sixteen 5 year old violinists trying to tune up but never quite making it. The musicianship of the players was unquestionable, but they were playing what was in front of them and what was in front of them was, in my opinion, shit. Quite a lot of my Belhaven Best disappeared during this one!

And so to the second item. Solo for Sliding Trombone from Concert for Piano and Orchestra by Cage. I know nothing of Cage apart from his iconic 4'33" of silence. And I don't mean the word iconic to convey good. The programme notes say there is no master score of this work, just individual parts for up to 13 orchestral players and piano, any number of whom may take part. It also talks of space-time notation, which sounds slightly Star-Trekky to me. Simon Johnson, principal trombonist of the BBCSO was the performer, and after the Scelsi it was a lighthearted relief best summed up as a man very skilfully making strange random noises using a trombone and its constituent parts, with vuvuzela and Tourette's obligato! I was impressed ny Simon's versatility, but not necessarily by the piece although I accept that by dint of him having the score in front of him it gave him the vehicle to improvise as required.

The final item of the first half was Lento by Skempton and I had guessed it would be in a similar vein (i.e. perhaps an open vein!) to the previous two. But I was wrong. It was actual music. Performed by the whole of the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra it was powerful and moving, with beautiful chordal sounds ranging from the tranquillity of strings to the grandeur of brass and back again, with a surprise sudden ending that actually made me smile! No English cadence here to give you a heads-up! It was worth coming to the first half for this piece alone. And for the beer, of course.

photo of rehearsal, by Michael Bawtree

And so to the interval of 20 minutes which gave plenty time to replenish my glass.

The second half of the concert was taken up with a single item, Paragraph 3 from The great Learning by Cardew. Members of the BBCSSO, four amateur musicians, Martyn Brabbins on trombone, and 25 members of Glasgow Chamber Choir were the performers.

The choir had sung through it about twice at the end of recent rehearsals, so I'd had a chance to listen to the sort of style, which is aleatoric meaning pretty much made up! My only previous experience of aleatoric music was at a GCC concert last year when we sang a piece by Jonathan Harvey after which I vowed never to sing any of his music ever again, it wasn't a happy experience for me! Hence my relief at being unavailable for the orchestral rehearsals this past week and therefore out of the concert.

The text of Paragraph 3 from the great Learning is:

Things have their root and their branches. Affairs have their end and their beginning. To know what is first and what is last will lead near to what is taught.

The singers choose bits of it to sing and repeat to various notes/chords. The score in fact is a single handwritten page although the piece lasts around 40 minutes, and no two performances will ever be the same!

The Cardew was executed well, both by players and singers and I have to confess that despite myself I was impressed with it. I didn't like it, but it was interesting enough to impress me. It's a visual spectacle, with 25 singers and I think around 10 musicians (the score lists it as "large instruments" so it's mostly brass) scattered around the stage interspersed with each other. But not only that, they move around while singing/playing. And not only that they move around amongst the audience! Very slowly, and obviously choreographed to a certain extent, the movements of the choir in particular put me in mind of a Zombie Choir and if they had been holding their arms out in front of them and repeating the word "Braiiinnns" instead of the repeated excerpts randomly chosen by each singer on the spur of the moment from the text it wouldn't have seemed out of place!

As an aside, and speaking about being well executed, there's a conspiracy theory that Cardew, who died in a hit and run car accident in 1981, was actually killed by the British Security Services because of his prominent Marxist-Leninist involvement. I'd contend that if MI5 did have anything to do with it it was more likely because they were music lovers!

It is however largely because it's a visual and aural spectacle that last night's second half worked for me. I've just listened to it on iPlayer three times in a row while typing this post, and if I'd been listening on BBC Radio 3 last night then it wouldn't have lasted 40 seconds before being switched off, never mind 40 minutes! Perhaps if you were listening through high-end audio equipment you might get the mesmerising sense of the ever changing audio landscape caused by the random interaction of the musicians moving around, as we did in the audience, but without surround sound it's a bit like a cacophany of noise with little to commend itself to the listener.

I used this phrase to my fellow choristers last night in the pub across the road afterwards in summary of the Cardew, and perhaps even of the whole evening - well executed by all the performers, but you can't polish a turd.

And don't worry, I'm not thinking of giving up the day job and becoming a music critic any time soon!

Hear and Now

2011-10-09T11:58:00.000+01:00

In the Old Fruitmarket in Glasgow at 7.30pm on Saturday 29th October 2011 Glasgow Chamber Choir will be joining the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Martyn Brabbins, in an excerpt from The Great Learning by the late Cornelius Cardew. The concert will be recorded and broadcast on a future edition of BBC Radio 3's Hear and Now programme.

Tickets, limited to 4 per application, are free, but may be subject to a booking fee (not sure how that works exactly, but there you go) from the City Halls Box Office (0141 353 8000) at Candleriggs, Glasgow G1 1NQ.

The flyer for the concert, which is reproduced here, describes the Cardew piece thus:

The second half of the concert presents an excerpt from Cardew's most influential experimental work, The Great Learning, based on the teachings of Confucious. Cardew dedicated the work to the "Scratch Orchestra", a London-based ensemble he founded with Howard Skempton, and whose members included professional musicians and people with no previous experience of the arts. In this performance, the BBC SSO evokes the have-a-go spirit of the Scratch Orchestra by inviting a number of amateur musicians to take part, as well as the singers from Glasgow Chamber Choir.

The concert is billed as featuring the unique groundbreaking music of four major modern composers so as well as the Cardew, the BBC SSO will be performing Ohoi by Giacinto Scelsi, Solo for sliding trombone by John Cage, and Lento by Howard Skempton.

Arrrrr!

2011-09-19T00:01:00.003+01:00

Well, another year be over me hearties, and it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day again. Yarr!

Thanks to Icanhascheezburger for the image below, which I saw a year ago and decided to save rather than link to it just in case the original site had disappeared in the meantime.

Wordle 2011

2011-09-14T19:38:00.001+01:00

Below is a word cloud giving prominence to words that appear more frequently in this Blog, created using Wordle. I'm not sure exactly what period it covers, my best guess is that it's maybe since March 2011.

The last time I did this was February 2010 and the words Lent and Alcohol seemed to feature prominently at that time, and although a quick glance doesn't show those words below I can clearly see the words Pub and Drink, so things don't change all that much!

The time before that, the first time, was way back in September 2008, and IAM, Motorcycle and Insurance seemed to be popular topics of mine at that time! Although still a member of the IAM I haven't ridden my motorcycle for over a year but a few days ago I managed to get it transported to a place where it's going to be repaired over the next month or so, so hopefully the word Motorcycle will again take its rightful place in my stream of consciousness before the year's over.

Disclaimer

2011-09-14T15:37:00.001+01:00

This Legal Disclaimer is really for use in relation to printed media, not Websites, and I first used it in one of the editions of the fairly short-lived "Private Choir" magazine for Glasgow Chamber Choir. It wasn't that funny then either! I can't remember where I got it from originally, but it was amended by me a bit.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
PLEASE READ BEFORE PROCEEDING

The Cathedral Choir is committed to avoiding litigation in all areas other than defamation. With the recent explosion of negligence claims in the court, we have received legal advice to include a more specific warning with The Cathedral Choir for protection against liability for risks that plaintiff lawyers might say we should have foreseen. Before proceeding further, all readers are asked to carefully read the following warning, which lists some of the risks that may be associated with reading The Cathedral Choir.

Pre-warning warning: The following warning may take some time to review. The Cathedral Choir recommends that before starting you sit down, very carefully, in a comfortable and safe environment. Maintain good posture at all times while reading, and take regular breaks for food and exercise as required or as directed by your doctor. While every effort has been made to be comprehensive, there may be some eventualities which are not specifically referred to below. Readers are invited to submit any risks which are not listed below to the Webmaster.

Warning: Printed copies of The Cathedral Choir may cause paper cuts. Readers are advised to take care when turning each page and in particular to avoid aggressive rubbing of the edges of sheets of The Cathedral Choir against the skin of yourself, any other person or living thing. In order to reduce the risk of paper cuts, you might consider not turning to pages 5, 11, 17 and 20 which - be warned - are generally of lower standard and have been known to induce pain in some cases.

Please avoid mixing The Cathedral Choir with water and glue, which could result in the inadvertent creation of a papier maché formula that could set, especially if exposed to the sun, which is not recommended, and may cause some readers to be caught in a papier maché death trap.

To avoid any damage to the eyes when reading The Cathedral Choir, make sure that the place you are reading in is well lit. If the light is inadequate, do not use matches or any other form of naked flame to increase visibility. It is also not impossible that some form of aggressive insect or other dangerous projectile could come into contact with your eyes while reading The Cathedral Choir. Goggles or other forms of protective eyewear are therefore recommended, provided they are made from shatter-proof glass and comply with British Standard BS5255, all international treaties that are or may become binding on the United Kingdom and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Readers should consider the political environment before obtaining or reading The Cathedral Choir. Use of The Cathedral Choir is not recommended in places ruled by foreign regimes that restrict freedom of speech, or in Lanarkshire.

If reading The Cathedral Choir at the beach, avoid consuming excessive amounts of alcohol and swimming, whether between the flags or otherwise, in areas which may result in spinal injury.

Do not read The Cathedral Choir while driving. Do not read The Cathedral Choir in a car which has all doors and windows closed and is exposed to direct sunlight or other heat. If leaving an infant unattended in a locked car, do not leave The Cathedral Choir with the child or anywhere in the car.

Do not commit suicide while reading The Cathedral Choir.

If any part of The Cathedral Choir causes disagreement between you and any other person, the Webmaster recommends that disputes be resolved without recourse to violence. If a dispute concerning a The Cathedral Choir article cannot be resolved without physical aggression, combatants are advised to fight only at locations that have valid and paid-up public liability insurance and/or in playgrounds administered by the Department of Education or other public body. Fights should be conducted in the presence of a qualified referee and with medical help readily available. No biting, scratching, blows below the belt or nipple cripples.

In the unlikely event that you are caused to laugh while reading The Cathedral Choir, even if it is because of something unconnected with the content, readers are advised to laugh in moderation. Laughing persons should take special care to ensure that their sides remain intact and should seek urgent medical attention if any signs of splitting develop. Do not read The Cathedral Choir if either you or a relative has previously died from laughing.

The Cathedral Choir is not suitable for human consumption and it should not be eaten or used to wrap foodstuffs. The publishers of The Cathedral Choir strongly recommend against using The Cathedral Choir to wrap any food, including fish-and-chips. If swallowed, sit the victim in a cool place out of the direct sun, and monitor. Induce vomiting if and only if under proper medical supervision and you feel it would be mildly amusing to you to watch the victim vomit.

The Cathedral Choir is flammable. Do not set fire to your copy of The Cathedral Choir, whether with a match, cigarette lighter, soaking it in petrol, rubbing two or more sticks together, shining a magnifying glass on a particular little spot or by storing your copy of The Cathedral Choir in the nuclear furnace that is the heart of the Sun.

If you choose to smoke while reading your copy of The Cathedral Choir, the Webmaster accepts no responsibility for any loss or damage arising to you in exercising that choice.

Never attempt to use The Cathedral Choir to extinguish a fire. If your copy of The Cathedral Choir catches fire, please return it by placing the flaming copy, together with a stamped self-addressed envelope, in an asbestos container and return it to the address shown.

The Cathedral Choir is not a flotation device. Should your copy of The Cathedral Choir become wet, it may become soggy and unsuitable for using when all your Hello!'s have run out.

Using The Cathedral Choir in place of your regular toilet tissue is not sanctioned by the Webmaster of The Cathedral Choir. Such use can result in nicks and cuts in awkward, hard-to-reach places and cause irritation, grumpiness and, in the event of becoming distracted by a news-story during such use, unexpected or unwanted faecal smearing.

Special care should be taken when reading The Cathedral Choir in circumstances where young children could be exposed to humourous or satirical content. The Cathedral Choir is not responsible for any damage that may occur to children or children’s behaviour patterns as a result of poorly supervised access to The Cathedral Choir up to and including: Believing that it is funny to send rude letters to prominent people you don’t know; using the word “fuck” in any print medium where the term “f---” would be a perfectly accepted and approved substitute; using unacceptable or un-Parliamentary language such as “piss-flaps”, “poo-hole”, “spadger” or “Satan's little battery”.

The humourous material contained within The Cathedral Choir is prepared by experts and placed in a particular context to render it safe for domestic use. Removing particular jokes and attempting to use them in any other format, whether by repeating them to another person or using them in another publication may cause embarrassment, social awkwardness, long, difficult-to-manage pauses and the perception amongst others that (i) you are a bit of an over-educated leftie tosser or (ii) you are getting all your good gags from people who, let’s face it, are funnier than you.

Do not use The Cathedral Choir internally. Specifically, readers are warned that they should not roll up The Cathedral Choir, lube it, and perform the ritual known colloquially as “the Paddy McGuinness” on themselves or any other person (Oh, alright then, but for goodness sakes, don’t tell anyone.)

Do not use The Cathedral Choir for birth control. We will not take responsibility for anything which may occur as a result of attempting to use The Cathedral Choir for birth control including; children, awkward moment during sexual contact or inability to read The Cathedral Choir articles due to jizz stains.

The Cathedral Choir is not designed to be used as a parachute. Any similarity between the design of The Cathedral Choir and a parachute is merely coincidental. We will not be held responsible for any plummeting into the earth which occurs whilst holding The Cathedral Choir above your head and jumping from a plane.

We will not be held responsible for the death or sickness of any vagrants, bums, derelicts, tramps, beggars, drifters, beatniks, hobos, Big Issue sellers or unemployed neds who use The Cathedral Choir as a blanket, home, shelter, refuge, haven or source of satire.

The Cathedral Choir should not be used as a substitute for education, even for those attending public, second rate Catholic or Seventh Day Adventist schools. Reading The Cathedral Choir does not eliminate the need for proper education and may actually increase this need. Failure to complete homework due to the reading of The Cathedral Choir is not our fault. Any lack of reading or writing ability which occurs later in life is the fault of the reader. The Department of Education in your county should be sued for this fault and not the proprietors of The Cathedral Choir nor those who shield The Cathedral Choir proprietors’ assets.

The Cathedral Choir should not be used for deep sea rescue. Nor should it be read to airline passengers in place of warnings regarding the fastening and releasing of seatbelts.

Avoid any persons who claim that The Cathedral Choir can be made into a trampoline. If made into a trampoline we will not take any responsibility.

The Cathedral Choir should not be read while tipping a fridge on yourself. (See fridge for more specific warning pertaining to this cause of litigation).

If reading The Cathedral Choir in the United States of America, you must wear a helmet which meets the latest standards set by the National Operating Committee on Standards for Athletic Equipment. We will not be held responsible for any injury sustained as a result of faults in the helmet or which may occur due to being tackled because of your wearing of the helmet.

Avant-garde fashion designers should not use The Cathedral Choir in the design of their clothes. We will not be held responsible for any loss of earnings or reputation which result from the inability of your audience to understand that your use of our scabby Website was meant to be a post-modern ironic statement.

Do not shred The Cathedral Choir and use it as confetti. The Cathedral Choir will not be held responsible for any kitschness which may occur at weddings or other ceremonies which utilize The Cathedral Choir as confetti.

We make no guarantees as to the longevity of any marital unions formed whilst using The Cathedral Choir in any part of the ceremony whether as decorations or in place of a purpose built drop-sheet or bin-liner.

The Cathedral Choir warns against the reading of large tracts of small text. We will not be held responsible for poor eyesight or disappointment in the search for humour that you may sustain from reading such large tracts of text.

Danny Pace, one of life's good guys

2011-08-30T21:30:00.000+01:00

Ruth and I were invited to go for a cycle ride last weekend (20th & 21st August) by a close friend of hers, Danny Pace, who she's known since moving to Scotland some 12 years ago when he was an 18 year old boy doing some work at the same company she worked for as he was about to embark on his university degree. They became firm friends and in her words, she and her friend Lee, also a Kiwi, corrupted the young Danny by insisting on dragging him along to repeated post-work Friday night drinking sessions in Edinburgh, and from then on they all became firm friends, with Ruth and Lee "watching" Danny as he completed his degree and as he, frankly, grew from a boy to a man. Again in her own words, Danny became like a wee brother to her, albeit she's not all that much older than him.

The ride to which we were invited was up around Perthshire on Saturday and Sunday, but for various reasons mostly related to how busy we've both been lately we decided that we'd pass this time. Danny and another couple, other close friends of his, went anyway, just the three of them, and they set off on Saturday from Dunblane I believe, heading generally towards Loch Tay and eventually aiming to be back down towards Glasgow over the two days.

On Sunday morning when I got out of bed I checked the BBC News website, as is my custom, and saw the following report.

Cyclist dies after falling off bike near Kenmore

A cyclist has died after coming off his bike in Perthshire and suffering a head injury.

Daniel Pace, who was from Edinburgh, was hurt on Saturday at about 15:00 near to Kenmore. The police said he was wearing a cycling helmet. The 31-year-old was riding northbound along an unclassified road from Amulree to Kenmore when he came off his bike. An ambulance was called and paramedics treated Mr Pace at the scene but he died a short time later. No other vehicles are thought to have been involved and his next of kin have been informed. A sudden death report will be submitted to the Procurator Fiscal.

It's now apparent that the three of them had been descending a hill on an unclassified road, with Danny in the lead, and he crossed a cattle grid which somehow caused him to come off the bike. I don't know whether he skidded over it, he hit a raised part of it, or there was some other reason, but whatever happened it made him come off his bike and, despite wearing a helmet, suffer a severe head injury, so severe in fact that it killed him. Danny was in no way a risk taker, he wouldn't have been travelling too fast.

I am a (very well trained) first-aider and for a day or so I agonised internally over what might have been the outcome if I'd been there. Might I have been able to save the life of Ruth's close friend, a bloke I'd come to like and respect over the past few years since I first met him? It turns out that the circumstances were that one of the couple riding with Danny is a qualified doctor, and soon after the accident a car pulled over containing two retired nurses. So no. I wouldn't have been able to do anything for him that wasn't already available.

Danny Pace was one of life's gentlemen. Only 31 years old, but intelligent, thoughtful, funny, understated and, well, just a bloody nice guy. He will be missed by a lot of people, not least Ruth.

If there's any comfort to be had from the tragedy of one so young losing his life, is that it happened while he was doing something he loved with two of his best friends, and after the initial impact he would not have been aware of anything, so his suffering was almost certainly minimal.

The photo of Danny on the right, which he used as his Facebook profile image for a while, was taken by me on the longest day in 2010 when he, Ruth and I walked to The Whangie to watch the sun set over Loch Lomond in the distance, while having a wee beer and scoffing sausages cooked on a disposable barbecue we'd taken with us. A happy day!

His funeral is tomorrow in Edinburgh. It's going to be a very emotional day.

They shall grow not old as we who are left grow old. Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun, and in the morning, we will remember them.

Glasgow Chamber Choir in Holland

2011-08-23T13:30:00.000+01:00

With our 2011-2012 season about to start in a couple of weeks, I'm randomly reminded this evening of earlier this year when Glasgow Chamber Choir took part in an exciting venture with St Joris Kamerkoor of Amersfoort in the Netherlands, with a weekend trip by GCC to Amersfoort and Utrecht in March being followed by a weekend trip by SJKK to Glasgow in May, with joint concerts over each weekend.

This was hugely enjoyable for both choirs, both musically and socially, and the links between us look as though they'll last for a long time to come, which is great.

All of the concerts were recorded for sound, and the one in Utrecht's St Catharinakerk, the Roman Catholic Cathedral, was also video recorded. A while back I received a link to a Youtube HD video of one of the pieces from that concert, Warum ist das Licht gegeben, by Johannes Brahms, and I've posted it below.

If you look really closely, in the wide shots taken from the fixed camera at the back of the church, I can be seen at the right hand side of the back row, with what looks like a cross growing out my left ear!

I hope you enjoy it, we certainly enjoyed performing it together, and it's great to see and hear it all again.

Pubs of Layclerk #6

2011-07-27T13:38:00.002+01:00

Eagle Inn, Motherwell

A LONG time ago this was owned, or at least managed, by an ex St Mirren, Glasgow Rangers and Scotland footballer called Willie Telfer and at that time my mum and dad worked there behind the bar. This was probably round about 1966/67 or thereabouts and I can still remember going in there after finishing primary school for the day to wait on mum or dad to finish their shift and take me home, so I suppose technically this was probably the first pub I was ever a regular in!

The pub is situated right next to a main railway line and near to a shunting yard so was frequented by many rail workers and there's a story I remember (probably apocryphal but you never know, this was the 1960's) whereby a couple of them in uniform came into the pub and sat for a while while they had a couple of pints each. Eventually they left and another rail worker sitting nearby said that it was about time they had gone, and when asked why he explained that the pair had left a train full of passengers on the line just behind the pub while they came in for a drink!

Eagle Inn, 155 King St, Broughty Ferry

Eagle Inn, Dundee

Old inn, first opened in 1597 apparently, in the middle of Broughty Ferry with some seats outside on the pavement. Very low ceiling, even for a shortarse like me, I seem to remember.

Edwards Bar, 410 Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow

Big but quite reasonably nice pub at the busy Charing Cross end of Sauchiehall Street. Used to be very busy on a Friday with the after work crowd, but then a new place opened up nearby and became the new fashion so Edwards is a lot quieter. O Tempore, O Mores! I had my stag night partly in here and partly in The Hengler's Circus across the road. Update: It's been renamed and is now something like The Sauchiehall

Egypt Cottage, 117 City Rd, Newcastle upon Tyne

For those of you of a certain vintage, this is right next door (and I mean RIGHT next door) to the Tyne Tees Studio where The Tube used to be filmed in the 1980's, so apparently some of the biggest names in the 1980's UK music industry have propped up the bar at one time or another.

Nice looking pub with, strangely enough, an Egyptian theme. Decent Deuchars IPA. And the Sallyport Sword Dancers sometimes practice here if they can't get into the Cumberland Arms.

Electric Bar, 291 Airbles Rd, Motherwell

Electric Bar

Happy memories of being in sixth year at Dalziel High School in Motherwell, and having various free periods during the week. Often my mate Dougie Johnstone and I used to take advantage of the good weather and lack of supervision (we were old enough to be trusted - ha!) when our free periods coincided to take off our blazers and ties and leave them in the sixth year common room, and wander across the Duchess of Hamilton Park to the other side where lay ......... heaven!

We used to brazenly stroll into the Electric Bar and have a beer or two and a game of darts or pool, before casually sauntering back the way we came in time to get properly dressed for our next lessons. We thought we were being completely covert by removing our blazers and ties, but this left us wearing black shoes, grey trousers and grey shirts and when I look back on it I cringe to realise we must have been so bloody obviously Dalziel pupils! But they served us anyway!

The Electric is still the unofficial Dalziel Former Pupils pub and after a gap of many many years I briefly went there enroute to a 40th birthday party for a former school mate and when I walked in at least half a dozen people sitting at the bar were instantly recognisable as being contemporaries of mine at school who hadn't quite escaped the clutches of the Electric. I swear they hadn't moved off the bar stools since 1980! Since then over the past years I've been in a few times for various school reunions, and yes, it is as boring a building as the photo suggests!

On another note, when I read Margrave of the Marshes, the biography of John Peel, I discovered that apparently he visited here, took part in the music quiz, and got royally pissed when visiting a friend in Motherwell. I have since mentioned this to people who still drink there and they knew nothing of it. You'd think they'd have a plaque up or something! Or at least use the connection as a bit of free publicity.

Exchequer, 59 Dumbarton Road, Glasgow

Exchequer

Former Sunday lunchtime venue of some members of the choir of St Mary's Cathedral, and Glasgow Chamber Choir also sometimes drank here when we rehearsed in the chapel of the Western Infirmary across the road. Now too studenty by half, but I suppose that's OK if you're a student!

I drove past it quite a while back and it was actually called something like The Clinic, presumably because it's across from the Western Infirmary, but it was closed even though it was during normal drinking hours although it has since reopened as a night club called BoHo

International appeal?

2011-07-17T19:42:00.001+01:00

As you can see from the sidebar on the right, I use a widget called Feedjit to keep a casual eye on who's visiting my Blog, where they're from, and what search terms or link they followed to get here. I just do it out of interest, not for any underhanded marketing reasons!

Lately I've noticed a relatively high number of visitors from India visiting, and a lot of them are coming direct, i.e. haven't followed a link or used a search engine but have either typed the full URL (unlikely) or have it saved as a favourite (perhaps just as unlikely!). The latest ones seem to be from Ahmadabad (Gujarat), Pune (Maharashtra), Kochi (Kerala) and Mumbai (Maharashtra).

It's fantastic that people from around the world are looking at my Blog, but I was just wondering if one of my Indian visitors might leave a comment on this post shedding any light on why there's a relatively sudden upsurge in visitors from there?

Although, while I'm on about it then, perhaps if you're reading this from anywhere further afield than the United Kingdom you might like to leave a comment on this post saying where you're from, what led you to this Blog, and whether you're a regular reader? I'll even accept comments from within the UK, of course!

Feedjit currently shows that in the past three days I've been visited by people from Manila (Philippines); Cambridge, Massachusetts (USA); Bratislava (Slovakia); Jacksonville, Florida (USA); Dublin (Ireland); London (England); Glasgow (Scotland); Pottstown, Pennsylvania (USA); Sherwood Park, Alberta (Canada); Hounslow (England); Calgary, Alberta (Canada); Calamba, Laguna (Philippines); Moscow (Russia); Sweden; Brussels (Belgium); Redmond, Washington (USA); New York (USA); Baton Rouge, Louisiana (USA); France; Grantham (England); Coquille, Oregon (USA) and while I've been typing this post, Houghton Le Spring, Durham (England).

I know that although resolving visitors' IP addresses to a specific location is getting more accurate these days it is in no way foolproof or 100% accurate, so some of the visits from the same counry but different cities may in fact be the same people, but surely a country should be fairly accurate and if so it's great to see such a geographic spread in such a short space of time.

But the cynical part of me might think that Feedjit adds these visits spuriously so that the user (me) thinks "how wonderful, the world is interested in me, I must continue using this widget to carry on seeing where my international auidience lies" when in fact it lies solely in the 'imagination' of Feedjit's servers!

If I get no comments to this post I might start to think my suspicions are justified!

The meerkats have failed me

2011-07-13T09:46:00.002+01:00

Being a member of the Institute of Advanced Motorists I have been using their "in-house" broker for both my car and motorcycle insurance, and my renewal for the car this year is quoted as just short of £220 which when I received it recently seemed fine and I thought then I'd probably go for it, but I'd be stupid to just do that without at least conducting a cursory search of online deals.

On UK television these days is a fairly irritating series of insurance adverts featuring puppet meerkats (it's a play on "compare the market / compare the meerkat") so I thought I'd use that particular comparison website to see what they come up with, bearing in mind any quote would have to be better than the sum of the £220 quote plus the £30 it costs me for continuing IAM membership, so £250 is the target although in fact it'd have to be a lot less than that, not just a couple of pounds, to make me want to go through all the hoops of providing proof of No Claims Discount to a new provider.

So entering all the details exactly as they are on my renewal notice what were the options available to me?

I was fairly unsurprised to see that renewing with my current insurer will be the best option, with the cheapest online quote being about £290, but the surprising thing was when out of interest I scrolled to the bottom of the list to see a quote for an eye watering £1900 offered by some shysters called Quinn Direct! How on earth do they expect to get any business when they are quoting someone with 8 years no claims, advanced driving & motorcycling qualifications and 30 years driving experience eight times what he's already paying! Who are their target customers, stupid rich people? It does seem to include breakdown coverage, but you can get that elsewhere for £50. Twats!

So at some point in the next few days I'll call IAM Surety in Belfast, and give them my business again.

More boys' toys

2011-06-26T11:57:00.001+01:00

Don't you just adore the arrival of a new bit of technology? Nestling in the palm of your hand, all strange and mysterious because you haven't yet figured out exactly what it can do, and since we all know that real men always follow the adage when all else fails, read the instruction book there's the anticipation of future ~~hours~~ days of unbridled delight rising in a crescendo to the point where you have what can only be described as a techgasm as more and more functionality is discovered and ways you might exploit that technology spring to mind, eventually leading inexorably to you wondering how you ever got by in life up to this point without it.

A couple of days ago I took possession of such a piece of modern technology. No, let me rephrase that slightly. It surpasses mere technology. This is a piece of art.

I am now the proud possessor of an HTC Sensation mobile telephone handset, which at the moment is that company's flagship product.

It has all sorts of bells and whistles including an 8Mp camera which can record video in HD and play it back on its large 4.3" 540 x 960 pixel 16:9 aspect ratio wide-screen display; a blisteringly fast dual-core Qualcomm Snapdragon 1.2 GHz processor, and seven different "home" screens each of which can be completely customised with a huge selection of Apps and Widgets and which are flicked between with impressive looking animation effects.

It's the first mobile phone I've owned which has the Android operating system, and I went for that rather than an Apple iPhone mostly because of my dislike of iTunes (which is not one of these I hate Apple and Microsoft and Google and Starbucks etc because they're big successful American companies rants) but also that the synchronisation of the phone with MS Outlook in which all my life (such as it is) is stored on my PC looked to be a damn sight easier with the HTC than with an iPhone.

I don't think I blogged about it at the time, but my previous phone which was a Nokia N97 Mini was frankly a catalogue of disasters, and to cut a long drawn-out story short the original one I got in February 2010 was returned to Vodafone twice within a couple of months for repairs to different faults before being replaced by a refurbished one when it had to be returned a third time in quick succession with yet another fault. Unfortunately the replacement also developed a fault about a month after I got it, which was fixed and lasted a bit longer than the previous one. Sadly this died about a month ago when the screen froze completely and refused to unfreeze even after a hard reset. So I upgraded to the HTC because coincidentally the old one failing came just when I could upgrade early with Vodafone.

So with all that in mind imagine how I laughed when the new HTC Sensation I collected on Thursday just before 4pm powered off twice when I was taking photos at a school reunion on the Friday evening, powered off when I was accessing the Internet on the train on the way home from the reunion, and suddenly started showing big wide green "interference pattern" stripes on the screen when I switched on the camera on Saturday afternoon (i.e. yesterday)!

So back to Vodafone it went and it's now been replaced with a brand new one which, so far, is behaving itself. I'm prepared to overlook this initial aberration, after all when I collected it on Thursday they only had two in the shop, one which had been taken from its box and demonstrated to, and played with by, a customer, and one with the rear case missing because it had been cannibalised, and I agreed to take the one with the missing back together with the back from the other one so it's likely that this was a foolish decision on my part! The one I now have was in a sealed box!

So I'm now all set again, and can now seamlessly integrate all my phone contacts with those I have on Facebook and Twitter, and see everyone's updates together in one place, while checking the local weather forecast and plotting a route from where I am to where I want to be. And it can all be captured on HD Video!

English Language trivia

2011-06-22T00:19:00.000+01:00

No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters mt.
The word set has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters und.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.
There are only four words in the English language which end in -dous : tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
The only other word with the same number of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, therein : the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, here, ere, therein, herein.
No words in the English language rhyme with orange, silver or purple.
Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
To testify was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
The combination ough can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.
The verb cleave is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

Glasgow Chamber Choir summer concert

2011-05-25T21:24:00.000+01:00

Glasgow Chamber Choir's next concert is only a couple of weeks away, on Saturday 11th June 2011 at 7.30pm in Hyndland Parish Church in Glasgow.

With soloists Emily Mitchell (soprano), Catriona Morison (mezzo), Gitai Fisher (tenor) and Brian McBride (bass) and featuring Haydn's glorious Nelson Mass, Bach's Lobet den Herrn, and music by Brahms and Bruckner, this is going to be a cracking summer concert, and is in fact part of Glasgow's West End Festival.

And as if all that music wasn't enough reason to come, there'll be the opportunity to join us for interval and post-concert refreshments too!

Tickets are only £10 (£7 concession) and are available on the door and from choir members.

Pubs of Layclerk #5

2011-05-24T22:37:00.000+01:00

Dalziel Arms

Not terribly well placed, but to be fair the building does predate the horrible one-way system (which is actually two-way again, now that I think about it!) and underpass. This was where the good people met to discuss the foundation of an Episcopal Church in Motherwell, in the late 19th century so presumably it wasn't as rough-as-a-badger's like was the last time I was in!

From the Episcopal Church Website: "Holy Trinity had it origins in a meeting held in the Dalzell Arms Hotel on April 25th 1882 to consider the possibility of starting a Mission in Motherwell in connection with the Episcopal Church in Scotland. A congregation gathered and services were held in Mrs Keith's schoolroom until, in June 1884, a corrugated iron church was opened. This building is now the church hall. A building committee entered into negotiations with the Duke of Hamilton for a building site, and the foundation stone of the present church was laid on 29th September 1894. The new church, built in red stone and dedicated to the Holy Trinity on September 28th 1895 is Early English in style. The building was consecrated on November 21st 1896."

Holy Trinity Church Hall

On reflection, I guess it was maybe a previous incarnation of the Dalziel Arms in which the meeting was held!

As an aside, the original corrugated iron church referred to is now the church hall as seen in the photo (right), and a while ago they applied for planning permission to knock it down and build flats, but I've no idea what stage that's at.

As another aside, this is the church in which I was baptised and confirmed and where I started singing in the choir as a treble.

Doublet, 74 Park Rd, Glasgow

Former regular drinking place of the choir of St Mary's Cathedral in the 1980's. Very small, quite crowded, and used to be fairly smoky, although smoking is now banned in all Scottish pubs so that won't be a problem today.

Dr Gormans, 50 Upper Craigs, Stirling FK8 2DS

Dr Gormans

Now I don't say things like this lightly, but this pub served the BEST burger I have ever eaten in a pub or restaurant. And it was two for the price of one!

Four of us went here in August 2006, which was towards the end of my temporary period of working in Stirling, and it was all in all a very good place to have lunch. Pretty well right in the centre of Stirling, just round the corner from the Thistle Shopping Centre, it's a modern interior with quite a few plasma screens on the walls, but no outrageously loud music, which was a blessing. The screen nearest us was actually tuned to BBC News 24, although since the volume was muted it would have been nice to have had subtitles displayed.

I can't comment much on the beer, we were in at lunchtime and it would be a bad thing to drink during working hours (although I confess I was the bad lad who ordered a pint of lager - I was leaving after all!). So four meals, 3 soft drinks and a pint of lager, all for just over sixteen quid. And both of us who had the burger agreed that it was very nice indeed.

Verdict: Go there.

Drouthy Neebors, 142 Perth Rd, Dundee DD1 4JW

Drouthy Neebors

Went there once with a colleague. A couple asked us if they could sit down at our table (it wasn't all that busy) and we said yes. They lit up cigarettes and blew the smoke in our direction. We left and went to Braes, just down the road a bit. Five minutes later they came in too, and asked if they could sit at our table. We left sharpish! Freaks.

Drovers Inn, Inverarnan

Drovers Inn

Famous pub right next to the far north of Loch Lomond. Good food, but very busy on Sunday lunchtimes.

The last time I was in (years ago) it was apparently being renovated so we ended up sitting in a freezing cold large back room with dust everywhere and the ceiling almost falling about us! That was a while back though.

Dundee Contemporary Arts, 152 Nethergate, Dundee DD1 4DY

DCA

A bit poncy for me, but big, light and airy with a (concrete) beer garden outside with uncomfy plastic furniture made to look like real comfy sofas! Very arty, funnily enough.

This is where in conversation with a colleague one evening after our 15 hour shift had ended I discovered that he lives in a cottage owned by, and rented cheaply from, the Queen because he worked for her (in direct daily contact with her apparently) for several years. And then he ends up working in Dundee for two weeks. Nae luck!

FPTP v AV explained

2011-05-02T22:44:00.009+01:00

Ah, it's quite simple really!

And for those not from the UK who may not already be aware of this issue, it relates to the forthcoming referendum on whether to change the UK voting system, and all explained in a cat-friendly manner, and then a post-it based fashion!

The post-it one at the bottom actually explains it quite well, I think.

Pubs of Layclerk #4

2011-04-26T22:26:00.024+01:00

Cafe Royale

The big island bar dominates this attractive Edinburgh pub where the walls are decorated with 19th-century Royal Doulton tiles featuring famous figures from history. Been in it only once, on a pub crawl about 12 years ago.

Carbeth Inn, Stockiemuir Road, Blanefield, Stirlingshire

Carbeth Inn

The Carbeth Inn is an old coaching inn dating from 1816 which features in Sir Walter Scott's novel Rob Roy, as it was where Baillie Nicol Jarvie, a Glasgow magistrate, stayed when travelling to visit him. In the book it is the "halfway house", described as a "most miserable alehouse", but the last time I was in it it certainly wasn't miserable!

The whole place has an olde worlde feel about it, and it has a good selection of real ales, beers, wines, liqueurs and single malts. At the front of the inn is a beer garden where you can sit and eye up the motorcycles parked there on most dry days, since this is a very popular venue for a break when out on a day's ride. The inn apparently has two restaurants, and the bar food is good.

Standing in the shadow of the Campsie Hills, though only twelve miles from the centre of Glasgow, this is a decent country pub and is well worth a visit or two, particularly on two (motorised) wheels.

CCA, 350 Sauchiehall St, Glasgow

Now called the Centre for Contemporary Arts (I think, unless it's changed again), this place a long time ago used to be called the Third Eye Centre. I can't actually remember which one it was called when Glasgow Chamber Choir used to have a glass of beer or two after rehearsing in St Aloysius church round the corner. How sad am I though - the main thing I remember is that they had the best ever alcohol-free beer. I seem to remember it was Furstenberg Frei, which comes in large bottles and actually tastes like beer!

The Chanter, 30-32 Bread St, Edinburgh

After attending a concert by the Edinburgh Singers, I tagged along (as the friend of a former member who was with me) with the choir to their after-concert party here. They always apparently have a good knees-up after every concert, and lay on food too, so I was looking forward to it.

The party was fine, but the pub was ordinary and pretty studenty. The food was very very very late in arriving, so much so that 3/4 of the choir members had buggered off elsewhere to eat by the time it arrived, and when it did arrive it consisted of huge plates of OK'ish chips, and large plates of boring sandwiches containing not very appetising fillings. Never mind, the company was good, as was the preceding concert!

Cleopatra's, Great Western Rd, Glasgow

Clatty Pat's / Viper & Hubbards

Affectionately known as Clatty Pat's this nightclub, now called The Viper, right above Hubbard's (which has now changed its name but I can't remember what to) and directly across from Coopers, has the obligatory sticky carpets and is apparently heaving with medical staff from various hospitals once a month on NHS pay day!

I haven't been in for years and it'll stay that way for the foreseeable future thank you very much.

Clutha Vaults, 167 Stockwell St, Glasgow

Clutha Vaults

I have been in here precisely once. In the dim and distant past I was selected for jury duty on a murder trial at Glasgow High Court, just round the corner, and after the final day of the week long trial some of the jury members, myself included, adjourned here for a quiet drink to wind down. Can't really remember much about the pub, I had other things swirling around my head at the time. Had we come to the correct decision, for example. Well I still think we did reach the right verdict.

Clutha is the original (Gaelic) name for the river Clyde.

Coanes, 26 High Street, Johnstone

Coanes

This was technically my local from late 2003 until July 2006, but to be honest I've only been in it about 4 times! When we moved house in October 2003 I took a week of holiday and found myself in Coanes one afternoon. I was sufficiently impressed to send a text message to my closest mates saying something like "right now in pub, malt whiskies, real ales, sells mussels. Boys' night out anyone?" But the promised night out never materialised. Oh well.

Colonel Linskill, 25 Charlotte St, North Shields.

They all blend into one after a while! I think this was a good one, warm and comfortable, with Timothy Taylor's Landlord beer.

Coopers, 499 Great Western Road, Glasgow

Coopers

After its original life as an old-style supermarket type place called "Coopers" (those of a certain age may recall subsequently "Coopers Fine Fare" which became "Safeway", which is now "Morrisons", I think), this building became a Mexican Bar called "Chimmy Chungas" and as such it featured in John Byrne's BAFTA winning BBC drama series "Tutti Frutti" in 1987 as the workplace of Suzi Kettles, the character played by Emma Thompson (with a very passable Glasgow accent!). This was the series which Robbie Coltrane apparently credits with launching his career, and in it he played the lead character Danny McGlone. The series was about The Majestics, Scotland's "Kings of Rock" and it also starred Richard Wilson (later of "One Foot in the Grave" fame as Eddie Clockerty.

The pub then became for a long time Bar Oz, a very ordinary chain-pub with an Australian theme, and its current name presumably harks back to its original incarnation. Circle of Life and all that!

The Corinthian, 191 Ingram Street, Glasgow

Corinthian

This is the former Lanarkshire House which was Glasgow's Sheriff Court building until a new one was built south of the river.

Very expensive drink, fairly exclusive clientele (or at least it attracts the sort of pretentious poser who is happy to pay the outrageous prices), and exceptionally good architecture. It was refurbished in late 2010 and I haven't been in it since then.

Worth going in for a look at least once, if you can get past the bouncers.

Counting House, 67-71 Reform St, Dundee

Counting House Dundee

When I worked in Dundee temporarily between March and July 2005 this was my default pub. Pretty bog-standard JD Wetherspoon place, but it fitted the bill fine. Some pretty rough chaps drank there some nights though!

Counting House, 2 St Vincent Place, 24 George Square, Glasgow

Counting House Glasgow

Converted bank overlooking George Square right in the centre of Glasgow. Reasonably priced good selection of real ale, as you would expect from JD Wetherspoon (who list it as their flagship pub in Glasgow), but it's a barn of a place with very little atmosphere. Worth going into to look at the architecture though, as you can see from the photo.

This was for a while a regular venue for Glasgow Chamber Choir when they rehearsed in nearby Strathclyde University, and is, I believe, currently the venue for Glasgow Renaissance Singers (or Cathures as they are now bizarrely known) after their rehearsals in Strathclyde University. I was one of the original members of GRS, and indeed GCC.

The County, 70 High St, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne

County

One of the regular pubs for both the church and chamber choirs of All Saints, Gosforth when I sang with them.

On the sadly all-too-rare occasions when I manage to get back to Newcastle and see old friends, this is where we tend to meet up.

Good selection of Real Ale.

Coylet Inn, Kilmun, Loch Eck (A815, 9 miles north of Dunoon)

Coylet Inn

Picturesque is a word which might have been coined to describe this pub. Go see it yourself, and try some of the Real Ales, Malt Whiskies and good food too.

If you travel from Arrochar towards Inveraray, after you pass Rest and be Thankful and go down the other side the next road on your left will be signposted for Dunoon. If you take this road you will eventually pass the Coylet. Or from the other direction head out of Dunoon (always a good idea, some may say!) past Holy Loch.

Cumberland Arms, Byker Buildings, Newcastle upon Tyne

Cumberland Arms

Fairly old building (1850's) in need of a bit of repair. Good beer though. And the Newcastle Kingsmen Rapper Dance team practices here upstairs on a Wednesday night.

Curlers, 260 Byres Road, Glasgow G12 8SH

Curlers

One of the oldest buildings on Byres Rd, but not one of the best pubs. Very ordinary in fact. Architecturally however, the building stands out from those around it as being obviously much older.

Times is hard

2011-04-18T20:11:00.000+01:00

I don't Blog about my work, it's a rule I don't intend breaking. It's not that it's a particularly big secret, it's just that I see it as off limits. I still don't intend saying what I do or who I do it for, but what I will say just now though is that it's an unsettling time for me, and for a lot of colleagues.

As a direct effect of the problems with the economy funding has been cut, unfilled posts have been simply done away with and so will never be filled, a new management structure has been created, overtime has been banned (we're still allowed to work extra hours, but only for Time Off in Lieu, not for monetary payment) and voluntary redundancies have already taken place.

This hasn't been enough though, it was never going to be, and there will be future cost savings, of that none of us is in any doubt, amounting to probably millions of pounds over the next few years. I was at a meeting today about the possible future of the organisation for which I work, and the phrase "compulsory redundancy" was used, albeit within a sentence explaining that no one actually knows what the medium term future holds. These are truly unsettling times.

For various reasons I work in an office where there's about a 60/40 split of those who won't be in any firing line for redundancy and those who might be. Unfortunately I'm in the ....... well, you can guess, can't you. The 60% of people who won't be made redundant are all nice people, but they can still earn overtime whereas I can't; they are all already on much higher salaries than I am; they will not be out of work, but I could be. And when you're looking at even the vaguest possibility that you might be a candidate for future redundancy (and to put it in perspective and laying aside all false modesty, I'm actually very good at my job so I think I'll be safe), and you're looking at your new payslip showing no overtime payments for pretty much the same extra work you've always done and which needs done to get the job done, and when you're sitting next to people who are earning far more than you, and when those people, not realising the effect they're having on you, are discussing amongst themselves whose turn it is to work the next lot of (paid) overtime over the weekend (and indeed beyond, on the upcoming Easter and May Day public holidays when it's double time), then it's hard to generate much enthusiasm for the job I absolutely love to do in the best department of the organisation I don't ever want to leave.

And so, dear friends, that's why today I'm on a bit of a downer, for the first time in ages. I'll be OK by tomorrow, I guess.

Musical accident

2011-04-04T22:26:00.000+01:00

In 1979, aged 17, I was a volunteer helping install a new pipe organ in my home church in Motherwell in the west of Scotland. That resulted in the loss of the tip of my left forefinger. It was bloody painful, funnily enough!

Tomorrow, having taken a day of flexi-leave from work, I have been persuaded to help a friend install an Allen organ in St Andrew's Roman Catholic Cathedral in Glasgow, which has been closed for renovation since 2009 and which is due to open again this coming weekend.

Wish me luck, I need all the fingers I have left!

Pubs of Layclerk #3

2011-03-26T13:31:00.000Z

Most of the detail on the following post has been taken from my now-defunct website and transferred here for posterity.

Over the years I think it's fair to say I've had the odd drink or two in a fair old number of pubs, and this is a continuation of the occasional series of posts documenting all the pubs in which I've ever had a drink, where I'll try to list as many of them as I can remember together with the occasional "review" or story connected to them. By nature it's going to be a work in progress for a long time and I'd guess it isn't ever going to be complete, since there's no possible way I'll remember them all, but I'll try to list at least all the ones I regularly drank in or indeed still drink in with various choirs etc. Feel free to leave comments with any opinions, additions, corrections or extra detail. Important Caveat: Don't forget that sometimes it's been a LONG time and a lot of water's been passed since I've been in some of these places (some of which have had name/management changes, some of which are now closed down) so what I describe relates to how I remember they were back in the day. All opinions expressed are my own so please feel free to try even the ones I warn against and see if you agree with me.

Baby Grand, 7 Elmbank Gardens, Glasgow

As the name may suggest, there's a baby grand piano in this small bar near Charing Cross in Glasgow.

Incongruously sited in a concrete square between a tower block housing a cheap hostel/hotel, a subterranean railway station, and some God-awful 1970's office blocks, I haven't been in for years but it certainly used to do good Sunday lunches and bar snacks. And you could sit outside and look at the concrete.

Bar Bola, 144 Park Rd, Glasgow

St Mary's Cathedral choir used to drink here, but it was while I wasn't singing with them for a while. I've been in once though but can't remember much about it except it was very small and crowded, and not terribly pleasant.

The Barleycorn, 1 Low Waters Rd, Hamilton

The nearest pub to a branch of a plumbers merchant in which I worked from 1982 to about 1988. Not every one, but a lot of lunchtimes were spent in there. Ah, for the days when I didn't have to drive home from work!

Very very ordinary at the time, and in February 2009 I rode past it and noticed it was covered in metal shutters so appears to be closed down.

The Bentley Hotel, 19 High Road, Motherwell

In the former home, built in 1874, of Colonel Black of The Cameronians Regiment, the Bentley is now a hotel with a small public bar. They seem to be connected to Lanarkshire Catering School (I suspect they might in fact be Lanarkshire Catering School) and this means that the food in the restaurant is at least partially, if not wholly, made by trainees. They do a decent Sunday roast though.

It's across the road from Motherwell Heritage Centre, a good venue for researching family tree stuff if you have ancestry from the area. Which I have.

The Big Blue, 445 Great Western Road, Glasgow

This has to be a pretty unusual place for a bar. Situated inside one of the old railway arches almost underneath Kelvin Bridge in Glasgow (think "The Arches" garage in the BBC soap Eastenders) it surprisingly doesn't feel too claustrophobic inside. There are seats outside if you feel like braving the elements and the often noxious smell of the river. Good Italian food, as you would expect since it's owned by the same people who own Paperino's in Sauchiehall Street. And it's right next door to the best Fish & Chip shop in Glasgow. You just HAVE to try a Special Fish Supper from The Philadelphia. They are fantastic. Mmmmmmmm, arteries!

Black Bull Inn, Merry St, Motherwell

Now demolished, this traditional man's-pub was 200 yards from our house when I was approaching and turning 18 and I used to go there with my dad to play darts. The darts team were reasonably successful and I remember us winning at least one cup! Happy days!

Bon Accord, 153 North St, Glasgow

Years ago you pretty well had two choices in Glasgow in relation to beer. Drink the pish which passes for Scottish Heavy, or go to the Bon Accord and drink Real Ale.

Fortunately times have changed and you can now get a decent pint in most pubs, and the Bon Accord is still up there with the best of them, although decor-wise it feels very like another two Glasgow pubs, Hubbards and The Aragon. I've been on the winning team in the weekly pub quiz here two or three times in the past, but I don't even know if the quiz still happens.

And nowadays all Scottish Heavy is still complete pish, but there are some great Scottish Real Ales too.

Boswell Hotel, 27 Mansionhouse, Rd, Langside, Glasgow

Not too far from the Victoria Infirmary in the south side of Glasgow and known locally as The Country Club, this sprawling building with several bars, a decent beer garden and good real ale was sometimes used by Glasgow Chamber Choir after rehearsing in St Ninian's Church in Glasgow. Big selection of beers, and pretty good food too.

Braes, 14-18 Perth Rd, Dundee

Quite passable studenty bar with a few big screen TVs for football watching (if you're into that sort of thing) and some comfy sofas. Decent Deuchar's IPA.

Went here when I was working in Dundee early in 2005, and it became a bit of a local, although it was a fair walk from the flat.

One of my colleagues, every time we were walking towards it, always said "isn't this a gay bar?" Well, if it is we never caught anything off the seats, and were never gang raped in the toilets, so that was a narrow escape then! Fool.

Brandon Bar, 394 Brandon St, Motherwell

A basic man's-pub (or should that be basic-man's pub?) which was for a while my local. My mum and dad both used to work here too.

Pretty rough to be honest but when you're one of the regulars in a place like that, your parents work there, and every other regular knows you, then it's fine. It has a pool table on which I've had one or two wins in my time!

The Brandon Works, 41-61 Merry St, Motherwell

JD Wetherspoon bar in the centre of Motherwell in what used to be Bairds department store when I were a lad and used to walk past it twice a day enroute to school and back. I've been a few times with my dad at lunchtime and once to a colleague's leaving do on a Friday night.

Big and spacious, but with sticky carpets. Usual Wetherspoon food and drink.

Brel, 39 Ashton Lane, Glasgow

Waffles, chocolate, beer, the European Parliament and Jacques Brel the jazz musician - what else do you know about Belgium then? After the above words appeared on my website in 2007 a colleague told me that Audrey Hepburn, although brought up in England, was born in Belgium. So there you go!

I've only ever been in here for a last beer or two after drinking elsewhere in Glasgow's west end, and it's always been full to bursting, and indeed overflowing into the lane outside. It's in an old barn or cowshed and the floor is still identifiable with its channels for taking the water/piss away, and the walls have those white tiles you might remember from primary school toilets! Well worth going in just to look at the architecture, but don't do it on a Friday night!

And in the interests of fairness, the Lonely Planet Website says: "Belgium's sluggish surface hides cultural schism and a passion for pleasure. If Belgium's spotlight on the European stage is a little dim, it's only because its people are rarely boastful. This slow-burning country has more history, art, food and architecture packed into its tiny self than many of its bigger, louder neighbours. A rich and bubbling vat of beer, chocolate, oil paint and bureaucrats, Belgium gives off the heady pong of the bourgeoisie. But stir the pot a little and you'll find an 'artificial state' roughly made up of two parts Germanic Flemings to one part Celtic-Latin Walloons."

So that's alright then, except I'm not so sure if I fancy sampling the heady pong of the Bourgeoisie, having dealt with the heady pong of the native Glasgow Jakey Bastard for three years when I was a Turnkey!

Bridge Hotel, Castle Square, Newcastle upon Tyne

In my very brief sojourn with the choir of St John the Baptist, Newcastle upon Tyne, this is where they drank.

Can't remember much about it other than it's a rambling place with several rooms. And it must sell Real Ale if a choir drank there!

A while back I discovered that it was designed by a famous architect, and for the life of me I can't remember his name! Oh well.

Bunker, 193-199 Bath St, Glasgow

I would have walked straight past this basement bar unless my colleagues had pointed out the door! Modern decor, fairly spacious, and with Internet access on about 6 wall mounted PCs, we were only in here for one very quick drink so for a while couldn't comment that much on how good it was, however RE and I went there relatively recently, and although the food was fine they managed to lose our order somewhere between the bar and kitchen so it took about an hour to arrive. I'd probably go back though, just maybe not to eat.

Burts Hotel, Market Sq, Melrose

I don't remember that much about Melrose, apart from the impressive Abbey and Burts Hotel's famous Sunday lunches. And all I can remember about them is that they are famous. Can't for the life of me describe what they were like, or whether it was Sunday Roast or Nut Roast (oh, alright then, it certainly wouldn't have been Nut Roast!)

The rules of Grammar

2011-03-21T06:00:00.001Z

Verbs has to agree with their subjects
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Also, always avoid annoying assonance*
Be more or less specific
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies
No sentence fragments
Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos
Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous
One should never generalise
Comparisons are as bad as clichés
Don't use no double negatives forever
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc
One-word sentences? Eliminate
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake
The passive voice is to be ignored
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice
Kill all exclamation marks!!!!
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: "Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly."
Puns are for children, not groan readers
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms
Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

      And finally...

34.     Proofread carefully to see if you any words out

Happy Holidays!

2011-03-14T00:01:00.006Z

Happy Steak and a Blowjob Day!

Yes, seriously.

It's Valentine's Day for men.

London Underground

2011-03-07T06:00:00.000Z

I came across the excellent ( but quite rude) London Underground Song by Adam Kay and Suman Biswas (to the tune of The Jam's number one classic Going Underground) on a Blog I was reading a while ago. I think it's rather good!

Some people might like to get a train to work
Or drive in in a Beemer or a Merc,
Some guys like to travel in by bus,
But I can't be bothered with the fuss today
I'm going to take my bike,
Coz once again the Tube's on strike.
The greedy bastards want extra pay
for sitting on their arse all day
even though they earn 30K .
So I'm standing here in the pouring rain,
Where the fuck's my fucking train?

London Underground
London Underground
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts
London Underground
London Underground
They're all greedy cunts I want to shoot them all with a rifle.

All they say is "Please mind the doors",
and they learned that on the two day course,
This job could be done by a four year old.
They just leave us freezing in the cold.
What you smell is what you get
Burger King and piss and sweat
You roast to death in the boiling heat,
With tourists treading on your feet
and chewing gum on every seat,
so don't tell me to "Mind the gap"
I want my fucking money back.

London Underground
London Underground
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts
London Underground
London Underground
They're all greedy cunts I want to shoot them all with a rifle
La La La La
La La La La

The floors are sticky and the seats are damp,
Every platform has a fucking tramp,
But the drivers get the day off when we're all late for work again,

London Underground
London Underground
WaWa Wankers, They're all Wankers,
London Underground
London Underground

Take your Oystercard, and shove it up your arsehole.

(C) Adam Kay and Suman Biswas

Voices united for Christchurch

2011-03-01T17:58:00.002Z

Last night's benefit concert for Christchurch went fantastically well, and raised £4155 which will go via the Red Cross to help those most in need after the earthquake.

Representatives of nine different choirs took part, under the inspirational leadership of Michael Bawtree, Glasgow Chamber Choir, RSCM Scottish Voices, St Mary's Cathedral (Glasgow), St Mary's Cathedral (Edinburgh), Edinburgh Singers, Edinburgh Royal Choral Union, Glasgow University Chapel Choir, Strathclyde University Chamber Choir and the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama (RSAMD).

A reporter from BBC Radio Scotland was there to record much of what was happening and he interviewed a few people, albeit he got the first name of the Kiwi soloist wrong by calling her Jane Elder instead of Ruth Elder! You can hear a recording of the BBC news article, including some interviews and a bit of the choir singing as well as the two Kiwi soloists by clicking here.

The full programme was:

Choir

Locus Iste - Anton Bruckner (1824-1896)

Stephen Chambers (tenor)

Comfort ye my people - George Frederic Handel (1685-1759)
Every valley shall be exalted - George Frederic Handel (1685-1759)

Rachel Hynes (soprano)

The Lord's Prayer - Albert Hay Malotte (1895-1964)

Ruth Elder (soprano)

Pokarekare Ana - Trad. Maori folksong

Rachel Hynes (soprano) and Karen Cargill (mezzo soprano)

Letter Duet from The Marriage of Figaro - W A Mozart (1756-1791)

Stephen Chambers (tenor)

The Choirmaster's Funeral (Thomas Hardy) - Benjamin Britten (1913-1976)

Choir & soloists
Brynne Mcleod (mezzo soprano)
Nick Morris (baritone)
David Sloan (violoncello)
Geoff Woolatt (organ)

Requiem (Op. 9) - Maurice Duruflé (1902-1986)

Choir and audience, first verse sung in Maori by choir

God defend New Zealand (National Anthem)

Futrets

2011-03-01T06:00:00.004Z

What follows is an excerpt from an old Scotland the What? sketch in which a toy-shop owner from Ballater phones up the late Princess of Wales to ask her what kind of Christmas present she’d like for her then new-born son, William.

It's included here as a tribute to my mate Gordon. Fit like Gordy?

From Scotland the What?, by Buff Hardie, Stephen Robertson and George Donald (Gordon Wright, 1987)

Noo, fit wid he like for his Christmas, the loon?

Fit aboot a pair o’ fitba beets? Beets. Beets. B-O-O-T-S, beets.

Weel, I ken that, but he’ll surely grow intae them.

Weel I’ll tell ye fit I’ve got. It’s something very suitable. It’s oor ain special line in soft toys, and it is a cuddly futret.

A futret.

Div ye nae ken fit a futret is?

Futret. F-E-R-R-E-T, futret.

Now, cuddly futrets is exclusive tae the Toy Shop, Ballater. We get them specially made up by a wee wifie, in Hong Kong. Oh, an’ fit a job I hid explainin’ tae her fit a futret is.

Ye wid like a futret? Oh we’ll fairly manage ye a futret.

Noo fit size o’ a futret wid ye like? We’ve got a dinkie futret, a mini futret, a life-size futret, a jumbo futret or a mega-futret.

Ye’d like a jumbo futret?

No, it disnae hae a trunk.

No, it’s got a string that ye pull, an’ it sings Run, Rabbit, Run.

Weel, fit else div ye expect a futret tae sing?

Now is there onythin’ else the loon wid like?

Fit aboot a rubber duke...for his bath?

A duke.

No, no, nae that kinda Duke. D-U-C-K, duke. A quack quack duke. Like Donald Duke. Donald Duke. He’s a freen’ o’ Mickey Moose...Moose...M-O-U-S-E, Moose!

God, div ye nae understan’ English, lassie?

Benefit Concert for Christchurch, New Zealand

2011-02-23T17:40:00.005Z

Scottish singers are coming together for a major benefit concert on Monday 28th February 2011 at 8pm for the people of Christchurch, New Zealand.

Brynne McLeod - mezzo soprano
Nick Morris - baritone
David Sloane - cello
Geoff Woollatt - organ
Michael Bawtree - conductor

The concert will take place in St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral, 300 Great Western Road, Glasgow, which is an almost exact twin of the cathedral which has been damaged in Christchurch. The two buildings were built at the same time to a design by the same architect, Sir George Gilbert Scott.

As well as Requiem by Maurice Duruflé the concert will also feature tenor Stephen Chambers and Soprano Ruth Elder, New Zealanders based in Glasgow. They will perform music by HANDEL, BRITTEN and traditional New Zealand folk songs. Soprano Rachel Hynes will also perform.

Choristers from Glasgow Chamber Choir, RSCM Scottish Voices, Strathclyde University Chamber Choir, the RSAMD, St Mary’s Cathedral Choir (Glasgow), St Mary's Cathedral Choir (Edinburgh), Edinburgh Singers, Glasgow University Chapel Choir, and Edinburgh Royal Choral Union will join together at St Mary’s Cathedral in Glasgow’s West End.

Cathedral Provost The Very Rev Kelvin Holdsworth said: “People in Scotland have all kinds of strong links with people in New Zealand. This concert is an act of solidarity with the people of Christchurch. Christchurch Cathedral is like a 'twin' of St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral in Glasgow, having been built by the same architect at almost exactly the same time. As we look around the building in Glasgow, our hearts go out to those who are struggling to cope in a damaged city half a world away.”

Organiser Michael Bawtree added: “Scotland has very strong links with New Zealand. Many of us who will perform have friends and family living and working in Christchurch; many have visited, lived, performed and worked in New Zealand; others are simply keen to show that support by giving of their time and talent.”

Stephen Chambers, an RSAMD Opera student from New Zealand who will perform at the concert, said: "My Dad (Dr. John Chambers) was in Christchurch on a Medical conference when the Earthquake hit. He managed to escape unscathed from the fourteenth floor of his hotel, which looked as though it was about to collapse. Like so many Kiwis around the world, I feel helpless. I hope that in putting on this concert we can get some money together to aid those hardest hit in the beautiful country that I call home."

Funds raised at this benefit concert will be passed through official channels to those most in need.

For those who are into such things there is an associated Facebook Event but the important thing is to come along to the concert and donate whatever you can afford.

Please consider supporting this worthy cause, and if you can't make it along to the concert you can give online to the Red Cross New Zealand Earthquake appeal by following this link.

Last Cans

2011-02-20T23:10:00.000Z

The video below features a good friend of mine, Sal McDougall (on the right hand side). It's an awesome demonstration of the use of ordinary household items to make music!

We was brung up proper!

2011-02-13T14:21:00.001Z

Thanks to my friend Avril for reminding me about this a while back. It's been doing the rounds for years, but it's a good one.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Nandos.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because........WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 1000 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time.

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn’t need to keep up with the Joneses!

Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that, getting into the team was based on MERIT!

Our teachers used to hit us with canes, belts and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren’t concentrating, but .......we can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R’s education.

Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' and 'Tiger' and 'Brooklyn'.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And if YOU are one of us, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward a link to this post to your own kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

PS - The big type is because your eyes aren't too good at your age anymore.

Glaswegian Rhapsody

2011-02-10T06:00:00.000Z

With apologies to Queen and the (unknown to me) author of this rather rude parody. Enjoy!

Is this the real life?
or is it the methadone?
stuck in the Gorbals, no cred on my mobile phone
open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine... like meeeeeeeeee!

Ah’m just a weegie
gie us yer Sunny D
cos I'll chib yer pal,
rip yer da,
slash yer dug,
ride yer ma,
anyway the Clyde flows,
disnae really matter tae me,
tae me.

Haw maw, just decked some bam,
Buckie bottle tae the heid,
Noo the fuckin bastard’s deid,
Haw maw, am just oot on parole,
An noo am headin back tae Barlineeee....
Haw maw .... oohoooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse,
But if am no full o' smack this time the morra',
Carry oot, carry oot,
An' we'll go oot on the batter,

Too late the bailiff's here,
Sends shivers doon ma spine,
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time,
Goodbye all my muckers, I've got to go,
Got to go and rip some wank fae up the scheme,

Haw maw... oohoooh ooh
I'm a jakey bam,
Sometimes I think I've never been washed at all,

I see a little silhouetto of a bam.
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get me some Kappa,
Thunderbird, White Lighting,
Very very frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I’m just a fat boy, naebody loves me
He’s just a fat boy fae a fat family,
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae fuck, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For fuck sake.... NO! I will not get a job,
Get a job,
For fuck sake.... I will not get a job,
Get a job.... Willnae get a job,
Get a job.... Willnae get a job,
no, no, no, no, no,
Oh gonorrhoea!
Gonorrhoea, gonorrhoea and the clap,
Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside for me?
For me, for meeeee!?

So you 'hink you can slash me and pish in my eye?
So ye 'hink ye can chib me an' leave me to die?
Haw bawbag, can't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot, just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!

Fuck all really matters, anyone can see
Fuck all really matters.....
Fuck all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeeeeeee... eeeeee

Halcyon days

2011-01-28T15:45:00.001Z

I'm quite conscious that lately my posts haven't really come from within my head, inasmuch as most recent ones have been either reposted material from my website which I've now closed since I didn't update it for the past year or so and it was costing me money to host, or occasional embedded YouTube videos which caught my eye.

I'm not particularly hung up on this, although for a while I considered it to be a bit of a literary failing, because I've accepted that times change and my use of this Blog will change, and probably change back, with my own personal zeitgeist.

Perhaps this is a moment however to reflect on what life's doing to me here at the start of 2011, albeit the virtual ink's still damp on my review of 2010.

Generally, life's reasonably good at the moment, leaving aside a nasty cold that's been lingering for a week or two and which currently is causing me to sound genuinely like a man yodelling when I try to sing in choir. I'm due to sing live on BBC Radio 4 Long Wave on Monday morning in their Daily Service when the Cathedral Choir will be doing it from Glasgow, but we'll see how that goes!

I'm now at the end of seven days of annual leave, which although is happening now comes from my 2010 entitlement which I will lose if I don't use it up by the end of January. So with not all that much to do, little money left after the Christmas festivities, and no one else on holiday to socialise with during the day, it's an odd time for a break, but fairly welcome nonetheless.

The biggest new thing to affect my life recently happened only a couple of days ago when, through the miracle of the UK government's Cycle to Work Scheme, I took delivery of a new bicycle, the first I've owned/ridden since 1997 when I bought one and used it for only a month or two before getting rid of it and trading up to a BMW K75RT motorcycle.

It's a Halcyon Monterey, like the one in the picture, which is a hybrid, neither Mountain Bike nor Road Racing bike but something more suitable to daily commuting with the occasional trip along a canal towpath or similar. Front suspension and seat make it quite comfortable to ride, and although it's very early days to my surprise so far it's been less traumatic leg-wise than I expected, but I really need to replace the comfy gel saddle with a much wider comfy gel saddle! If you get my drift. Owwwwwww!

Having collected it, I decided there'd be no point just taking it home and looking at it, so I set off along the nearby towpath of the Forth and Clyde canal towards Glasgow city centre, intending just to be gentle with myself and see how I got on. Before I knew what was happening I'd reached Lock 27, a pub next to, well, Lock 27 of the canal funnily enough, which was a lot further than I intended. Taking the more direct route home through Anniesland cross (for those who know this area) and down through Knightswood, I had no real trouble until I stepped off the bike at my front door and tried to climb the 3 stairs with wobbly jelly legs! One hot bath later I was fine, with only a sense of personal satisfaction remaining afterwards. A check of AutoRoute showed that I'd travelled almost eight miles! OK, in the grand scheme of things not all that far, but pretty reasonable for a first effort.

I intend using it to occasionally commute the few miles to work, using the Renfrew Ferry to cross the River Clyde enroute. If I manage that once or twice a week I'll be happy and it'll be a whole load extra exercise I wasn't previously getting. Not only that, the Cycle to Work Scheme means that my employer has actually bought the bike and I'm renting it from them over the next year, with the payment coming off before Tax & NI contributions, and at the end of the year I'll be able to buy it from them for an estimated one month's rental. I won't know exactly what I'll save until I receive my payslip containing the first payment, but the bike (reduced from a retail price of about £400 to £199) plus the accessories (helmet, lights etc) costs about £275 and I think I'll end up paying about £200, so it isn't a bad deal.

Other things that are happening are that the countdown to a significant birthday starts in a week, so to celebrate that less than significant one I've aranged a group of about 20 friends to go for a curry in Glasgow next Friday. It's ages since I had a curry and I'm really looking forward to it. Of course the celebrations in 2012 will perhaps be more extensive, but I need to get my head round exactly how I want to celebrate it, and not be overly swayed by other people.

Glasgow Chamber Choir has an exciting year ahead, the first part of which is a trip to the Netherlands in March to sing with another choir there. Our choir members are being hosted by their choir members, but since I'm not really in a position where I feel I can reciprocate when they come over to Glasgow in May (and I'm an anti-social bastard), I decided just to make my own arrangements, so I'm staying in a hotel in the centre of Amersfoort, near Utrecht, which is where that choir's from. It's a small hotel, but looks very friendly so it should be good. The hotel website describes it as, amongst other things, gay friendly, but I get the impression that although it's called the Queen's it isn't compulsory! The flights and hotel are all booked, and as it gets closer I'll get more into it.

Oh, and the meaning of the title of this post? Well as I'm sure you know, Halcyon Days are the seven days in winter when storms never happen.

Glaswegian Pie

2011-01-10T06:00:00.001Z

Entirely possibly because it's pretty rude, this is a real favourite of mine, with apologies to both Don McLean & the (unknown to me) author of this parody. Other than a warning that it contains a lot of swearing, suffice to say for the moment for those unfortunate enough not to hail from Glasgow (!) that Milngavie is pronounced Mill-Guy, with the emphasis on the second syllable:

A long long time ago,
I can still remember how
Those weeji bampots made me laugh,
And I know if I had a chance
To see those Neds and Sengas dance,
I'd laugh my fucking arse off once again.
'Cos don't they realise it's not clever,
Drinking Buckfast doon the river,
Tucked in trackie bottoms,
They look just fucking rotten!
I can't remember if cried
When I saw these bams in East Kilbride,
But it amused me deep inside,
The day the mucker thrived!

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

Did you write the book of shite
"Can I borrow ten bob, gonnae gee'za light?"
Bugger off yer full o' pish!
Oh and do you belive in hard core techno?
Huv ye gubbed 5 eckos fur a night at the Metro?
An’ can you teach me how to speak reeeaaallll slow?!
You can tell that she's in love wi' him,
'Cos he's fae Ibrox and she's a Tim,
They both kicked off their socks
And those manky old Reeboks.
He was a scrawny youth with a GAP pull over,
A sovvy ring and a stolen Nova,
They fell in love when he muff dove 'er, (sorry!)
The day the muckers thrived....
And they were singin'........

Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

Now for ten years you've been on the dole,
Hingin' aboot at the Paisley Toll,
And that's just how it's always been.
When the mucker screamed at the Polis van,
In a coat he'd stolen fae TopMan,
And a fag that came from you or me.
But while the cop was looking dapper,
The wee bam chibbed him on the napper,
Dressed all in Kappa clobber,
As he shouted, "suck ma dobber!".
While wee Tam stole a shirt fae 'Mark's',
And Boab slashed some cunt in the park,
They all buzzed petrol in the dark,
The day the Mucker thrived....
And they were singin'........

Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

Helter Skelter, if the wean cries belt 'er
Writing mentions on the old bus shelter,
Eight days straight drinking Faaaaaaaaaast!
Doin' six month for selling smack,
The chip pan diet and the heart attack
A night out at Archaos wi' the burd.
The Sengas reek of cheap perfume,
While name-tags jangle round the room,
Each one grabs her geezer,
A fag and lemon Breezer.
The lack of class is hard to hide,
They cannae wait to get inside,
A stair-heid winch and a door-way ride,
That's how the Muckers thrive
And they were singin'........

Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

You'll see them in their usual places,
With silly hats and ugly faces,
Ootside the offy acting hard.
So Shug be nimble, Shug be quick,
And get an ounce of speed on tick
Then cut it up and sell it to yer pals.
All lined up ootside the "Paki's",
A rainbow of exotic trackies,
Giein' abuse tae grannies,
Ya fucked up bunch of fannies!
And as the day turns in to night,
The neds may gang up to start a fight,
But on their own they're soft as shite!
I've made a Mucker cry!
And they were singin'........

Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

(Slowly with feeling)
I met a girl who sang 'The Sash'
I asked about her pant moustache,
But she just told me to fuck off!
I went down to the local chippy,
Where the Neds hung out and the staff were nippy,
And the muckers there harassed me for some fags.
Baseball hats at stupid angles,
The girls each wore three dozen bangles,
Hair done up with scrunchies,
Munching crisps and Crunchies.
But the three meals they enjoy the most,
Are chinky, chippy, beans on toast,
Come Glasgow fair they hit the coast,
The day the mucker thrived
And they were singin'........

Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee cunt fae Milngavie!"

Hallelujah!

2011-01-05T00:01:00.003Z

Quality!

Review of 2010

2011-01-01T00:01:00.003Z

Happy New Year everyone!

Well, it's that time of the year again. The fourth annual stream-of-consciousness review of Layclerk's year lies below. If you're a regular reader of this Blog (why?) then you may be aware of some of what's about to follow, if you know me in real life, and particularly if you're a Facebook friend and see my occasional status updates, then you'll have heard a great deal of it, and if you're one of my close friends then nothing I'm about to say will be news. Not that any of it is revelatory in any case.

On the topic of Facebook, and before I get started on the review, I've now developed the deeply ingrained habit of looking at the site several times a day. No, make that loads of times a day! I don't change my status too often, preferring to steer clear of what I consider to be the really mundane, but try to put things which may actually be of some small amount of interest to my friends, of which as it stands today I have 270, all of whom apart from a very small handful are actually known to me in real life and can be loosely considered friends to a much greater or much lesser degree. I know others use the site to add "virtual" friends willy-nilly, but that's not for me. The small handful I've not met are made up mostly of family members from round the world with whom I've been in contact while tracing my geneaology over the years (sharing great great great great grandparents but descended from different siblings for example) and a small sprinkling of contacts I've made through them commenting on this Blog or me commenting on theirs. This latter group can be considered truly "virtual" but one never knows, I may meet them at some point, which would be good because they all seem like good people.

So, 2010, how was it, I hear you ask. Pretty good on the whole, if truth be told.

I still maintain my silence when it comes to work, I don't feel it's appropriate to Blog about it, but whereas I'm still enjoying it and continue to be as busy as ever, the harsh realities of the current world economic climate are such that the dark spectre of redundancies has presented itself on the horizon, an offshoot of a massive reduction in funding from 2011 and for the next few years, however beyond introducing a voluntary redundancy scheme the top person in the organisation (a genuinely good bloke in my opinion, and one for whom I have a lot of time) has said publicly there'll be no compulsory ones so that's of some comfort. Doubtless there will be unavoidable financial economies and constraints, but fingers crossed that I'll still be around once the upturn happens, whenever that may be, albeit a bit poorer because of a reduction in paid overtime.

My review of 2009 mentioned having taken over as administrator for RSCM Scottish Voices, and that's a role in which I continue. I won't pretend it's all easy and plain sailing, and between you and me I put a lot of time and effort into it (which I think is appreciated by the choir members), but it's a very rewarding task which I think I'm performing reasonably well. We now have our own site, at www.rscmscottishvoices.org.uk which mostly contains details of upcoming events and information about the choir, who's who, and how to go about auditioning. The site's still in its early days, but in due course it'll develop naturally, as these things do, and there'll be more to read.

I recently did away with my own website, www.thecathedralchoir.org.uk as I hadn't updated anything on it for well over a year, so now that Domain just points to this Blog and I've saved myself a chunk of money as I no longer need the web hosting package from my ISP, just email and Domain pointing. In the meantime I've transferred a few things over here from the old site, such as the histories of my choirs and my motorcycles, and there are a few other things scheduled for the future. I may get round to replicating the page on my site which sought to recount every pub in which I'd ever had a drink (an ongoing project!) but it's quite labour intensive so it may take a while and be a fragmented version.

Another singing thing mentioned in last year's review was The New Quartet, and although it's still fledgling, and still primarily a social event for us, we have now sung properly in public, in a concert in June in the Glasgow Art Club, which seemed to go down very well. Again, we have a website at www.newquartet.org.uk, but there isn't too much there at the moment apart from some contact details if anyone wants us to come and sing anywhere, and a review and photo of our concert in the Art Club.

Glasgow Chamber Choir goes from strength to strength, and the 2009/2010 season has seen us singing concerts featuring music by William Byrd, Frank Martin and Olivier Messaien in November 2009; various Christmas "favourites" in Glasgow Royal Concert Hall and the Usher Hall in Edinburgh in December 2009; music by William Walton, Jonathan Harvey, Thomas Tomkins, Thomas Weelkes and Orlando Gibbons in March 2010; G.F. Handel and J.S. Bach in June; Herbert Howells, Johannes Brahms and William Byrd in November 2010 and, for me, has seen amazing high points such as Howells' fantastic piece written for the memorial service for John F. Kennedy, Take him, earth for cherishing and Handel's wondefully exciting Dixit Dominus, as well as (for me) low points such as both the Jonathan Harvey pieces, which I've now managed to erase from my mind and can't remember what they were called. I said at the time that if ever anything by Jonathan Harvey was scheduled to be sung ever again in any choir I'm in, even a single short piece in a long programme, then I won't be available for that concert. And I stand by that.

More recently, in fact only a couple of weeks ago, 10 of us from Glasgow Chamber Choir sang carols live on BBC Radio Scotland during the programme Get it On with Bryan Burnett, which goes out on weekdays between 6pm-8pm. It's kind of a request show of sorts, the theme of the evening being set by the presenter and listeners contact the show suggesting tracks that fit the theme, and that evening the theme was their Christmas Carol Concert, so we were in a studio waiting for the general public to decide what we'd sing, interspersed with proper recordings of Bing Crosby, . It was a good laugh, although when I heard a recording of the end result on i-Player I was disappointed that the mics were far too close to us so the blend wasn't great. There was a video taken of us singing one of the carols live, and it's on the BBC Website, in the unlikely event you want a look!

Next year, in March, Glasgow Chamber Choir will be visiting the Netherlands (Amersfoort and Utrecht, near Amsterdam) to sing with a Dutch choir, St Joris Kamerkoor, and in turn they'll be coming over to Scotland to sing with us in Glasgow and Edinburgh in May. It should be a lot of fun!

Not least, the other singing thing in which I'm involved, and the reason for this Blog's name of course, is the choir of St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral in Glasgow. I still sing there at Choral Evensong every Sunday and it's still very enjoyable, musically and socially. We've just released another recording of the choir, a CD called Listen, which is available to buy from the cathedral website. In a few weeks we'll be recording another, this time of Christmas music.

The 30th anniversary of leaving Dalziel High School was marked by another get together in the Electric Bar in Motherwell. It went well, and it was great to see even more people there than had been at the previous one in 2009. We all agreed we should do it annually from now on, so that's going ahead!

The Institute of Advanced Motorists has taken even more of a back seat this year, and as I suggested I might do in the 2009 review, I've quit the local group, coincidentally with effect from the moment this was posted! I won't bother with the details here, but suffice to say I'm not particularly impressed by the people skills (or lack thereof) of some involved in the group. I'll still stay a member of the IAM, just not in a local group. Well, certainly not that group anyway.

The motorcycle, my lovely BMW R1100RT, has been laid up with a slipping clutch (expensive!) for much of the year, but a colleague has now offered to have a go at replacing it for me in his spare time. I just need to work out how to transport it to his house, some 40 miles from work where it's been sitting for months, safely and securely parked.

RE had a significant birthday this year, and it was great to meet one of her sisters from New Zealand when she came over for the birthday celebrations (having already met one sister and her brother, seperately, a while back). Over a weekend the festivities included a meal, a drink/meal/party, and a hillwalk up The Cobbler. I have a significant birthday coming up in 2012, and I only hope I do it as much justice as RE did in organising a whole weekend of events, albeit my significant birthday is bigger than hers!

My fitness quest has had mixed and varying results, but it continues. I was doing quite well, more than quadrupling the time I was capable of on the treadmill, but ran a bit too hard about a month ago and tweaked the achilles tendon on my right leg. Truly horrible memories of the ruptured achilles tendon on my left leg stay with me almost 4 years after the event, and I've been too nervous to go back to the gym until I'm completely happy it isn't going to end in tears! I'm pretty much at that stage though, so I'll be back soon.

One great step forward was getting some decoration done in the flat, at long long last. I managed to find a tradesman who came in, stripped the wallpaper in the living room, prepared the plaster underneath, emulsioned the walls and ceiling, and glossed all the woodwork, all at a very reasonable rate. What a difference! I'm so much happier sitting in it now, without having to look at torn wallpaper (the aftermath of a new damp proof course being installed when I bought the place). So that's now the hallway and living room done, and hopefully next year I'll be in the financial position to have the other rooms done too (after the usual Christmas overspend has resolved itself!).

A real low point was back in May, when my late mum's only sister, my aunt Shirley, died suddenly. Not entirely unexpectedly, but an awful lot sooner than predicted. I miss her. I miss my mum who died absolutely suddenly and completely unexpectedly in June 1996, and I miss their mother, my nana, who passed away in January 2008. But they are now together and looking down on us, along with my niece Rebekah who would have been 20 this year, had life not cruelly been snatched away before she was 5.

That's now over a year my brother and his family have been back in the UK after their years in Dubai and California, and it's still great to have them around, although he seems to have to work away from home for large periods at a time, mostly in Belgium but also in Texas, amongst other places which this year have included Moscow! My niece is still singing in the Cathedral choir, and seems to enjoy it, which is great.

Back in August I was fortunate enough to attend a training course in Cambridge, and since it was two weeks long I was able to stay down there for the middle weekend, and use that more or less as my holiday away this year, particularly as RE came down to stay for the weekend. Great weather (mostly), a great city, and great company made it, well, great! Hopefully at some point in 2011 I'll get away for a proper holiday though. The middle weekend was also when the last of a series of three recordings of BBC Songs of Praise from St Mary's Cathedral was broadcast, on an unrelated topic.

So that's all that readily springs to mind at a single random sitting. I'll doubtless have missed things, and if so it isn't necessarily because they weren't important to me, so apologies if I've missed mentioning something you shared with me.

I'd like to finish this post by taking the opportunity to thank all my friends for their continuing friendship and support, all my family for their unconditional love, all those who read my occasional stream of consciousness here (particularly those who for some reason seem to do it regularly), and not least I'd like to thank RE for being who she is and for all she means to me.

Stage manager

2010-12-30T22:13:00.002Z

For my mate Ian.

see more Hacked IRL - Truth in Sarcasm

Season's greetings

2010-12-25T00:01:00.001Z

Christmas music

2010-12-19T10:20:00.000Z

A few members of Glasgow Chamber Choir, including yours truly, will be singing live on BBC Radio Scotland this coming Tuesday, 21st December, between 6pm - 8pm when we will be on Get it On with Bryan Burnett, which is a rather good programme I often listen to anyway during the week.

The premise of the programme is that it's essentially a requests show where the host, Bryan Burnett, provides a theme for the evening and listeners email or text their suggestions for songs that fit the theme. It could be B sides that were better than the A sides, one hit wonders, John Peel related songs, or just about anything.

Tuesday evening is apparently their Christmas Carol Concert Special (not sure if I should be letting on yet, as they only ever announce the theme one day ahead!) and the BBC have asked for about 8 singers from Glasgow Chamber Choir to be there to sing whatever carols are suggested/chosen by the listening audience. Six carols altogether, three during each hour of the programme, so why not listen in and see if your favourites are amongst them (or even email, text, or follow the show on Facebook to make sure they are!).

It's always a busy wee time for choirs approaching Christmas, and last night Glasgow Chamber Choir sang in a carol concert in Hyndland Parish Church, tonight I'm singing in the Christmas Carol Service at St Mary's Cathedral in Glasgow (6.30pm), tomorrow between 1pm-2pm The New Quartet are singing carols in the Royal Bank of Scotland in Gordon St, Glasgow, to help raise money for this year's bank-supported charity which is Barnardo's, and then on Tuesday it's the BBC live broadcast. Wednesday is a day off singing, Thursday there's no GCC rehearsal but that only means I'm free to go to the Cathedral Choir rehearsal in preparation for the midnight service there on Friday, starting at 11.15pm when we're singing, I think, a Charpentier Mass, which should be fun.

The National Anthem

2010-12-13T06:00:00.002Z

'God Save The King' was a patriotic song first publicly performed in London in 1745, which came to be referred to as the National Anthem from the beginning of the nineteenth century. The words and tune are anonymous, and may date back to the seventeenth century.

In September 1745 the 'Young Pretender' to the British Throne, Prince Charles Edward Stuart, defeated the army of King George II at Prestonpans, near Edinburgh. In a fit of patriotic fervour after news of Prestonpans had reached London, the leader of the band at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, arranged 'God Save The King' for performance after a play. It was a tremendous success and was repeated nightly thereafter. This practice soon spread to other theatres, and the custom of greeting monarchs with the song as he or she entered a place of public entertainment was thus established.

There is no authorised version of the National Anthem as the words are a matter of tradition. Additional verses have been added down the years, but these are rarely used. On official occasions, only the first verse is usually sung, but sometimes verse 3 is also added. The words used are those sung in 1745, substituting 'Queen' for 'King' where appropriate.

The British tune has been used in other countries - as European visitors to Britain in the eighteenth century noticed the advantage of a country possessing such a recognised musical symbol - including Germany, Russia, Switzerland and America (where use of the tune continued after independence). Some 140 composers, including Beethoven, Haydn and Brahms, have used the tune in their compositions.

I particularly draw your attention to the sentiment of verse 6, whilst as a Scot, making no comment!

1.
God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!

2.
O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
and make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all!

3.
Thy choicest gifts in store
on her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
to sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!

4.
Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known
from shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see
that men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world o'er.

5.
From every latent foe,
From the assassin's blow,
God save the Queen!
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend
our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

6.
Lord grant that Marshal Wade
may by thy mighty aid
victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!

My choirs

2010-11-29T06:00:00.001Z

1975-1983
Holy Trinity Scottish Episcopal Church Choir, Motherwell

1976
RSCM Edinburgh Course

1977-1978
The Comyn Choir, East Kilbride

1977-1980
Dalziel High School Senior Choir, Motherwell

1978-1980
Decantus (Diocesan Choir of Glasgow & Galloway)

1983
Ayr Choral Union

1983-1989, 1993-1995, 2002-present
St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral, Glasgow

1991
RSCM Salisbury Course

1991-1996
The Marian Consort

1991 Wells Cathedral
1992 Wells Cathedral
1993 Lincoln Cathedral
1994 Norwich Cathedral
1995 St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral, Edinburgh
1996 Winchester Cathedral

1992
Carlisle Choral Union

1992-1993
All Saints Church, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne

1992-1993
All Saints Chamber Choir, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne

1994-1997, 2001-2005, 2007-present
Glasgow Chamber Choir

1996-1997
Glasgow University Chapel Choir

1996 Dublin Tour
1997 Norfolk Tour

1999-2001
Glasgow Renaissance Singers (now called Cathures, for reasons not very convincingly explained on their Website)

2008-present
RSCM Scottish Voices

Timeline of choir membership

2nd Mar 1975

Admitted as a Treble to the choir of Holy Trinity Scottish Episcopal Church, Motherwell. It all started here folks!

Approx Jun 1976

Around this time they dropped, so my voice broke, I sang Alto very briefly, then Tenor

Aug 1976

Attended RSCM Edinburgh Course

1977

Joined Comyn Choir, East Kilbride
Joined Dalziel High School Senior Choir, Motherwell

1978

Left Comyn Choir
Joined Decantus (Former Diocesan Choir of Glasgow & Galloway)

1980

Left Dalziel High School Senior Choir
Left Decantus

1983

Sang with Ayr Choral Union for one concert (Messiah)
Left Holy Trinity, Motherwell
Joined St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow

1987

Sang in a choir of 600 in the Royal Albert Hall, London, in RSCM 60th Anniversary concert as the tenor representative of St Mary's Cathedral Choir

1989

Left St Mary's Cathedral choir, Glasgow, moved to Newcastle upon Tyne

1990

Took part in St Mary's Cathedral Round Scotland tour (full unaccompanied choral service in each of the 8 mainland Scottish Cathedrals in one day) to raise money for the Cathedral restoration

1991

Joined St John the Baptist Church, Grainger St, Newcastle upon Tyne, but sang for one Sunday only
Joined Musica Johannes (connected to St John the Baptist Church, Grainger St, Newcastle upon Tyne), left after one rehearsal
Sang with the newly formed Marian Consort for a week at Wells Cathedral
Attended RSCM Salisbury Course

1992

Sang with the Marian Consort for a week at Wells Cathedral
Sang with Carlisle Choral Union for one concert (Fauré Requiem)
Joined All Saints Church, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne
Became one of the founder members of All Saints Chamber Choir, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne

1993

Left All Saints Church & Chamber Choirs - moved back to Glasgow
Rejoined St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow
Sang with the Marian Consort for a week at Lincoln Cathedral

1994

Became one of the 11 founder members of Glasgow Chamber Choir
Sang with the Marian Consort for a week at Norwich Cathedral

1995

Left St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow for the second time
Sang with the Marian Consort for a week at St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral, Edinburgh

1996

Joined Glasgow University Chapel Choir
Took part in Glasgow University Chapel Choir tour of Dublin
Sang with the Marian Consort for a week at Winchester Cathedral. This was the final Marian Consort week, after which the choir disbanded.

1997

Took part in Glasgow University Chapel Choir tour of Norfolk
Left Glasgow University Chapel Choir
Left Glasgow Chamber Choir

1999

Became one of the founder members of Glasgow Renaissance Singers

2001

Left Glasgow Renaissance Singers
Rejoined Glasgow Chamber Choir

2002

Rejoined St Mary's Cathedral choir, Glasgow (for the third time!)

2004

Became Secretary of Glasgow Chamber Choir

2005

Left Glasgow Chamber Choir again

2007

Decided to take some time out from St Mary's Cathedral choir
Rejoined Glasgow Chamber Choir (yet again)

2008

Started back at St Mary's Cathedral as a part time choir member, only singing at Evensong
Joined the newly formed RSCM Scottish Voices

2009

Sang tenor solo in performance of Stainer's Crucifixion. First time ever my name's been on a poster!
Became administrator of RSCM Scottish Voices

My biking history (so far)

2010-11-22T13:12:00.000Z

Elsewhere on this blog you will see that two of my interests are choral singing and drinking beer. These two are often connected and singing in choirs is a sociable activity long associated with subsequent fluid replacement sessions. My other main interest, but one that is clearly separate from beer, is motorcycling, and this post relates to that activity, and perhaps to a lesser extent to driving things with more than two wheels.

I've been driving cars, vans and lorries for over 30 years, passing my driving test in January 1980 when I was 17 (the youngest you can drive a car in the UK), but I came to motorcycling late when having been made redundant in July 1995 the nasty company took back their company car, forcing me into providing my own transport in future! Never having even expressed a passing interest in two wheels previously, on a random whim in August 1995 I splashed out some of my redundancy money on a brand new Honda Rebel 125cc Harley Davidson lookalike, and stuck some L plates on it.

Honda Rebel

Prior to my actual motorcycle test, as I was sitting my CBT (Compulsory Basic Training) about a month after buying the bike the odometer clicked over to 2000 miles, so I had already by then set the tone for doing plenty mileage on two wheels!

The photo on the right isn't actually my bike, but it's identical in every way, right down to the leather saddlebags!

Honda NTV600 Revere

After passing my motorcycle test on 23rd October 1995 I pretty quickly traded in the Rebel, losing a lot of money in the process but gaining a salutary lesson in how much depreciation can happen in 6 months when you purchase a brand new vehicle, and I bought a secondhand white Honda NTV600 Revere with what seemed like a huge barn-door of an aftermarket fairing on it. In the image on the left you see it fully loaded with a week's worth of stuff when I was visiting a friend in London. The black binliner on the seat was my low-tech method of waterproofing a large rucksack full of clothes! And as well as side panniers and a top box I had a tank bag as well. On that enjoyable trip I had my first experience of riding in central London in the rush hour. It was an experience! But I survived and actually started enjoying it!

Another redundancy after 6 months (lucky white heather?) and I decided I'd take some time out of being employed by others, and put my Revere to work instead, so I became a self employed motorcycle courier in Glasgow for a year. It's amazing the steep learning curve linked to riding approximately 1000 miles every week in all weathers!

The company to whom I was subcontracted, M8 Messengers, had a contract with various local hospitals, so although this meant mainly collecting and delivering patient notes and x-ray films and transferring them between hospitals, I found myself on occasions delivering tissue samples, and on one memorable occasion an orthopaedic surgeon in the Southern General Hospital had just started an operation when they discovered that an apparently vital piece of equipment was missing (or broken, or something) so they quickly contacted another hospital, the Royal Infirmary I think it was, or it might have been the Victoria Infirmary, and sourced a replacement. So we were contacted and I was despatched to collect and deliver this equipment, all done while the patient was kept in the operating theatre under anaesthetic! That was one occasion when time really was of the essence, and I really didn't hang about.

As part of the contract there was a daily collection of, ahemm, samples from the department of Genito-Urinary Medicine at the Southern General (the GU Clinic, or the clap clinic to put it into the vernacular) which had to be taken across Glasgow to the laboratory at Ruchill Hospital. I always tried to put out of my mind the nature of the scrapings within the sealed bag I was given! Anyway, I wasn't the only courier working for M8 Messengers so I wasn't in there every day, but was in at least once or twice a week. One day I walked in, dressed in full leathers as usual and with my flip-front helmet opened so the customer could see my face as usual (I think it very rude for couriers to try to speak to the paying customers through a full face helmet) and walked up to the reception desk. The receptionist, who I'd spoken to several times a week for the past God knows how many weeks, looked up at me and asked me if I had an appointment. I was mortified that I looked as though I must have syphilis or something and was in to be seen by a doctor! I know we're often described as dirty filthy bikers, but that was taking it too far!

I lost a lot of money being a courier. The promised estimate of how much I'd earn if I subcontracted to M8 Messengers failed to translate into pound notes, and in the year I was doing it I spent more than I earned, by a fair amount. On the bright side, it helped me through a particular bad patch in my life involving amongst other things redundancies, marital separation and deaths of close relatives and pets, and I didn't have to pay any tax because I made a loss! I also packed a lot of riding experience into a short space of time.

If you consider that generally most motorcyclists probably ride an average of 5000-6000 miles a year and only use their bikes in favourable weather (leaving aside the minority who use them all year round of course) and then realise that I was doing about 1000 miles every week in all weathers, then that puts it into perspective a bit. The high mileage also contributed greatly to my financial loss. For me, DIY stands for Don't Involve Yourself. I just don't do it. The bike needed servicing every 6000 miles at a cost of a bit over £100. Tyres needed changing regularly (can't remember how many miles I used to get out of them) at an average cost of £100 each. This meant that every 6 weeks the bike was off the road for a day being serviced by a garage, and on those days I didn't work so wasn't paid. I believe too that I was one of the very few motorcycle couriers in Glasgow (leaving aside those who rode company bikes) whose bike was actually insured for working as a courier! This meant another £50+ per month. I still have my accounts filed away somewhere. They make for interesting reading!

While on a delivery one Friday (Friday 27th September 1996, which was Glasgow September holiday weekend) I was lucky to survive virtually unscathed an impact with a Renault Clio which jumped a red light very late (two Glasgow Black Cabs had stopped at the red light and she came through it between them, that's how late it was!).

It was in Glasgow city centre at the junction of St Vincent Street with Hope Street at half past five at night on a holiday weekend, and I lay in the centre of the junction stopping all the traffic. It took the ambulance over half an hour to arrive because of the gridlock in the city centre caused by me lying there, but I was comfortable enough lying on my back while another biker, Bob who was the other M8 Messengers biker (everyone else drove vans) spoke to me and fended off the well meaning but misguided do-gooders who were trying to remove my helmet.

The initial suspicion of broken neck, broken ribs, and fractured skull in fact turned out to be concussion and bruised ribs (as well as various other sore bits too trivial to mention).

When I got to the Royal Infirmary (as a patient this time, not collecting anything) and they had confirmed that my neck was unbroken and I could move my legs so wasn't in imminent danger of being paralysed, the nurse offered to contact someone to let them know I was in hospital. I initially declined, living on my own and not feeling the need to let anyone know, but I suddenly had a panic about who'd feed my cat if I was kept in overnight, so I asked her to contact two friends. She called them from the same room I was in so I heard her side of the conversation which went along the lines of:

Hello, it's the Royal Infirmary Accident & Emergency Department here, do you know Layclerk?

To which my friend obviously replied in the affirmative

Well he's had a motorbike accident and has been brought to the hospital

By which time, I discovered later, my friend was having thoughts of funerals, wheelchairs etc

And only then, in response to a direct question, did the nurse say, yes he's fine.

I used this experience later in life when I worked for Strathclyde Police for a while as a Turnkey and when I had to call someone to let them know a friend or relative was in custody (this was always at the request of the prisoner of course) I always started the telephone conversation with the words "hello it's Strathclyde Police here, there's nothing to worry about, but ....."

So, back to the Royal Infirmary. I was lying on a trolley in a side room with my friends, who had by now arrived, and the police traffic officer who had been at the scene of the accident and was now looking for a statement from me. Once that was done he explained to me that the Transport Research Laboratory (TRL) was conducting a study into motorcycle accidents, looking at damage to bikes, equipment, clothing, rider etc, and now that I wouldn't be needing my helmet again would I consider donating it to the study. What? He was telling me I would never ride again, I thought. I queried this. He looked at me in mild surprise and asked me if I'd actually seen my helmet. I hadn't, but it was on the shelf under the trolley on which I was lying.

Now at this point I should explain that during the accident, which, as these things do, happened in slow motion, I was aware of traffic lights being fully green (i.e. not red and amber) and releasing the clutch. Then I remember seeing a car directly in front of me driving across my path from left to right. I braked hard but couldn't avoid my front wheel striking the rear offside of the car (a split second either way and she'd have T-Boned me straight into a coffin, or passed me before I reached her). I then saw sky ground sky ground sky ground as I flew through the air, and landed sort of on my left side just as though I'd tripped and fallen over. If it wasn't exactly a controlled landing, then it felt close to it.

The police officer reached under the trolley and picked up my helmet. I then saw that it had a 3 inch split in it, running vertically just behind where my left ear would be. I was not even aware that my head had made contact with the ground. If I had not been wearing a helmet, then the split would have been in the equivalent place in my skull. That, dear readers, is why I will never ever ride a motorcycle without wearing a helmet, even if I'm somewhere that it isn't a legal obligation. And I urge you to do likewise.

So I contributed my helmet to the study, and to my surprise and delight was given in return a voucher for an exact replacement. A BMW System 3 helmet at that time cost about £300, so that was a bonus!

Honda Revere post-crash

In the photo of the bike on the right the only obvious damage is to the screen, mudguard and clutch lever, but look at the way the front wheel's pointing, and then consider the fact that the handlebars are actually pointing straight ahead!

So that put paid to the Revere and to my career as a courier.

My next bike was a red BMW K75RT (this type of BMW engine, the K series, is known as the Flying Brick, because of the shape of the engine block) which I had for a few years and put a lot of miles on it travelling from Glasgow to Turriff (in Aberdeenshire, some 180 miles north of Glasgow) at every opportunity to see my then girlfriend.

BMW K75 RT

Much comfiness, with ABS, heated grips, and a radio cassette.

It had one or two adventures, including more than one occasion when some drunken bastard pushed it over on the street. I only hope they had tried to sit on it and it overbalanced, hurting them in the process!

A year or two later, and a different girlfriend having become a new wife, I then sold it when we needed a car and couldn't afford to run both.

After a gap of about 5 or 6 years, in September 2006 I bought a BMW R1100RT (this type of BMW engine, the R series, is known as a Boxer, because of its horizontally opposed engine, I believe), which is a fantastically comfortable bike which does everything I want it to. It also has ABS, heated grips, radio cassette, and an intercom so that I can speak to a pillion passenger, listen to the radio or my MP3 player, and answer my mobile phone if I choose to do so.

BMW R1100RT

In the photo on the right the bike is stopped in a passing place (naughty!) just above Rest and Be Thankful in Argyll.

It's the first time in my 12 years (so far) of motorcycling that I've had both a car and bike at the same time. In the past as long as I could dig it out the snow and make it to a major road I'd ride it! Now? Well lets just say I've turned into more of a fairer weather biker, although to be fair I do use it to travel to work most days.

In late 2007 I decided that it was time I got round to doing something I've been meaning to do for a long time, which is to become an Advanced driver and rider, so I joined Glasgow North Group of the Institute of Advanced Motorists.

I passed my Advanced Motorcycle test on Sunday 2nd December 2007, and my Advanced Car driving test on Saturday 19th January 2008. I then went on to pass my Qualified Motorcycle Observer test, so I could help others towards passing their own Advanced Motorycle tests, but recently I decided to take a break from the IAM local group so 2010 will be my last season with them.

So that's my motorcycling history up to the present. Right now the bike's off the road with a badly slipping clutch that needs replaced at a hefty cost, but plans are afoot to get that rectified and by early 2011 with a bit of luck and some help from a colleague I should be back on two wheels, hopefully.

One down, two to go

2010-11-13T13:43:00.000Z

The first of three Glasgow Chamber Choir concerts over successive nights took place last night in Canongate Kirk on Edinburgh's Royal Mile.

A slightly lopsided concert at first glance, the first half consisting of two motets by William Byrd (c1540-1633), Ne irascaris Domine and Civitas sancti tui, sandwiching the magnificent Take him, earth, for cherishing by Herbert Howells (1892-1983) written for the memorial service of President John F Kennedy, interspersed with the piano pieces Prelude from Suite for pianoforte duet by York Bowen (1884-1961) and Nocturne from the same suite, all of which lasted about half an hour. It seemed like no sooner were we walking on we were walking back off again, but it all made sense because the second half consisted solely of the comparatively lengthy Ein Deutsches Requeim (German Requiem) by Johannes Brahms (1833-1897), in the piano duet version arranged by Brahms himself soon after he composed the piece.

Having heard Bearsden Choir performing Brahms' full orchestral version of the Requiem just a couple of weeks ago in Thomas Coats Memorial Baptist Church in Paisley (coincidentally where the next performance of RSCM Scottish Voices is due to take place when we sing Choral Evensong there on 4th December) I definitely prefer the more intimate piano version. That's not to criticise Bearsden choir, it's personal preference for an alternative arrangement of the music.

I have to confess I think we just about nailed last night. I don't think a better performance of the Howells piece was possible (and in fact afterwards a musically knowledgeable member of the audience commented that he'd never heard a better sung recording of it) and in particular the first Byrd motet, which we sang spread out round the sides of the audience, was magical. The Brahms itself was powerful when needed, and beautifully quiet when appropriate. And the soloists, Emma Harper (soprano) and Anders Östberg (baritone) sang magnificently, accompanied by Ed Cohen and Jennifer Redmond on piano.

After the concert last night we went next door to the Tolbooth Tavern, where refreshments were consumed before the 2300hrs train back to Glasgow, some chips, and a bus trip back home. So it was about 2am before I manasged to get to bed, tired yet happy.

Unfortunately the performance last night was marred a bit for me by the fact that in the afternoon I pulled a muscle in my back when stupidly trying to lift a speaker stand while I was twisted round. It was a mild tweak, and if I hadn't thereafter been standing in one position holding a folder of music for hours I would have been fine by bedtime, but unfortunately that wasn't an option and it made the pain almost unbearable at times, taking my mind away from the singing. It's a bit better right now though, and hopefully fully dosed up with painkillers I'll be fine for tonight when we do it all again in St Margaret's Episcopal Church in Newlands, Glasgow at 7.30pm. And then again tomorrow evening at the earlier time of 7pm in The West Kirk in Helensburgh. All with appropriate alcoholic refreshment afterwards, naturally!

Tickets are available on the door, costing £10 for tonight's performance and £8 for the Helensburgh one. And there'll be a bar available at the Glasgow performance.

Remember

2010-11-11T00:01:00.003Z

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

From Laurence Binyon's poem For the Fallen, written September 1914

Anthem for doomed youth

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, -
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

Wilfred Owen
Owen was killed at Ors, near the French Belgian border, on 4 November 1918, at the age of 25.

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T00:01:00.002+01:00

Wear it Pink

2010-10-28T17:35:00.000+01:00

I've temporarily changed the theme colours of this Blog to reflect Wear it Pink day on Friday 29th October 2010 (tomorrow) when the nice people from the Breast Cancer Campaign make a worthy attempt at extracting money from the general public for this good cause.

At work on the day there are going to be cake stalls, and everyone has been encouraged to wear pink. The jury's out on whether I'll dress the part, but I'll sure as hell support the home baking! Why not click on this link to donate something to the cause?

And the colour scheme here will resume its normal hue in a day or two!

Glasgow Chamber Choir 2010-2011 season

2010-10-08T15:54:00.002+01:00

GLASGOW CHAMBER CHOIR
patron Karen Cargill musical director Michael Bawtree

2010-2011 season highlights include:

Brahms Requiem in Edinburgh, Glasgow and Helensburgh
Choir visits Holland in March 2011
Further joint concerts with St Joris Kamerkoor in Edinburgh and Glasgow
Haydn Nelson Mass in Glasgow in June 2011

Brahms Requiem

FRIDAY 12 NOVEMBER 2010 - 7.30pm
Canongate Kirk, Royal Mile, EDINBURGH
SATURDAY 13 NOVEMBER 2010 - 7.30pm
St Margaret's Episcopal Church, 353 Kilmarnock Road, Newlands, GLASGOW
SUNDAY 14 NOVEMBER 2010 - 7.00pm
The West Kirk, Colquhoun Square, HELENSBURGH

A moving evening of music from across the centuries for Remembrance-tide, featuring Brahms' own version of his beloved German Requiem for piano duet accompaniment alongside Howells' famous "Take him, earth, for cherishing", composed for John F Kennedy's memorial service.

JOHANNES BRAHMS - Ein Deutsches Requiem (version for piano duet accompaniment)
HERBERT HOWELLS - Take him, earth, for cherishing
WILLIAM BYRD - Ne Irascaris Domine

Emma Harper – soprano
Anders Ostberg – baritone
Ed Cohen, Jennifer Redmond – piano duo
Michael Bawtree – conductor

Tickets £10 (£7 concessions) (Edinburgh & Glasgow); £8 (Helensburgh)

Laudes Organi + Chori

SATURDAY 12 MARCH 2011 - 8.15pm
Martinuskerk, Hoogland, Amersfoort, NETHERLANDS
SUNDAY 13 MARCH 2011 - 3.00pm
St Catherine's Cathedral, Utrecht, NETHERLANDS
SATURDAY 7 MAY 2011 - 7.30pm
St Cuthbert's Parish Church, Lothian Road, EDINBURGH
SUNDAY 8 MAY 2011 – 2.30pm
St Bride's Episcopal Church, Hyndland Road, GLASGOW

In an exciting development, Glasgow Chamber Choir combines forces with the St Joris Kamerkoor from Amersfoort in the Netherlands for four concerts in March and May 2011. The St Joris Kamerkoor, directed by Bach specialist Bas Ramselaar, is almost exactly the same size as Glasgow Chamber Choir, and performs a similarly diverse repertoire of music from across the centuries. For these joint concerts, there will be a feast of music for double choir by Bach, Brahms, Bingham, Howells, Harris, Rheinberger and Bruckner in addition to Zoltan Kodaly's magnificent Laudes Organi and music from Holland and Scotland.

Glasgow Chamber Choir & St Joris Kamerkoor

Michael Bawtree & Bas Ramselaar – conductors

Franz Joseph Haydn

SATURDAY 11 JUNE 2011 - 7.30pm
Hyndland Parish Church, 79-81 Hyndland Road, GLASGOW

FRANZ JOSEPH HAYDN - Missa in angustiis ('Nelson' Mass)
JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH – Lobet den Herrn

The season is rounded off by our annual orchestral performance, this year based around Haydn’s magnificent ’Nelson Mass’. Continuing our series of Bach’s motets, the Choir also performs ‘Lobet den Herrn’. With the Glasgow Chamber Choir Orchestra

Tickets for Edinburgh and Glasgow concerts: £10 and £7 (concessions)
Available at the door, online (at www.glasgowchamberchoir.org.uk) and from choir members

For further information about any of this season's concerts, please see

www.glasgowchamberchoir.org.uk

or contact

administrator@glasgowchamberchoir.org.uk

Cheap Flights

2010-09-27T19:58:00.001+01:00

This. Is. Brilliant!

Arrrrr!

2010-09-19T00:01:00.008+01:00

It be Talk Like a Pirate Day again. Yarr. But in case ye need persuaded about ye benefits of being a pirate, see below!

Smells like Rockin Robin

2010-09-04T11:54:00.001+01:00

Ever wondered what would happen if Nirvana met the Jackson Five? Wonder no more. This is brilliant, in my humble opinion.

The stunts

2010-08-28T14:01:00.002+01:00

It's been a while since I've posted, and this post was originally typed onto Blogger for the first time ever from my mobile phone, while sitting in the Anchor Bar in Cambridge with a pint of Greene King Abbot ale on the table in front of me having just finished a tasty meal of whitebait followed by a bacon & cheese burger. That said, for some reason I couldn’t get the caps lock off, so I just saved it as a draft until such times as I could get home and edit it properly. This then is the edited version.

I’ve been in Cambridge for two weeks, on a training course, and I've enjoyed it all. Being a techno-anorak the fact that it was a database course didn’t trouble me, the first week being the user course, the second being the designer course. I managed to catch up with friends who live there, attend a recital by the world class Trinity College Chapel Choir (in which one of said friends sings and which two days later set off for a month long tour of Australia), try out quite a few bars and restaurants, and do a load of walking around the city every evening.

That was all in the first week, and the high spot of the fortnight was undoubtedly RE coming down for the weekend which was the best couple of days I've had for a while. All the touristy stuff including Kings, Trinity, St John's and Sidney Sussex colleges (the latter being choral evensong by an adequate but uninspiring choir made up of that college's chapel choir alumni, including a schadenfreude moment when the soprano soloist screwed up the top note in the Bob Chilcott anthem Be Thou my Vision which coincidentally I knew was being broadcast on BBC Songs of Praise the following evening performed much better by the choir of St Mary’s Cathedral in Glasgow (i.e. including me) when it was recorded some four years earlier and featuring a beautiful solo by said friend who now sings in Trinity College Choir!), and punting on the river Cam, or rather sitting back while the hired help punted and we made the effort to look right and left while lifting our cameras to our faces!

So on the first week the course attendees were a mixed bunch, mostly doing a similar job to me. We socialised a bit together, although understandably not everyone every night. The second week saw only two of us who were there on the first week, plus 8 new people, and there was almost no socialising done and no suggestion from anyone that we might eat or drink together, and I include myself in that. My excuse was that amongst others there was one guy who happens to be from the USA (that's not the issue, I have American friends) but the fact he said he works for the State Department, is currently working in Afghanistan, and was doing the course during his annual leave and paying for it himself rightly rang an alarm bell. On day one, as an intro to how databases are constructed we were designing, on paper, a basic one relating to user requirements to track their friends' contact details. That's contacts as in the well known terminology used in Microsoft Office to denote how one would contact someone. Simple, eh? During this session we were told to collaborate with the person next to us to come up with what entities we would need together with the links between them. When the instructor went round the room looking for input after the exercise, this fine chap admitted that he had problems understanding the concept of contacts as meant in this instance, as contact to him only meant engagement with the enemy followed closely by bringing in an air strike. He actually seemed slightly distressed that he couldn’t get his head around this seemingly new interpretation of the word, and he went on to say that he had problems with people. I personally thought at first he meant people as database entities, but when he went on to expand that he was happy looking at people through a scope but had problems otherwise I had the sudden, shocking realisation that he actually meant he was happy looking at people through the sights of a firearm but was uncomfortable interacting with others! Thankfully I wasn’t the one sitting next to this apparent 100% fruitloop, but unfortunately a former colleague, Rozie who now works in Birmingham (small world!) was. In any case, I decided that I wasn’t going to suggest out loud that we all meet to socialise, just in case this fuckwit decided to come too! But on day two there was, unnoticed by me, some interaction between fruitloop and a couple of others on the course concerning the room temperature, which developed into criticism of Europe and Europeans, and the voiced opinion that democracy was a bad thing! After lunch, the instructor announced that fruitloop had decided to quit the course and wouldn’t be returning. So being the grown ups we all are, he became a figure of fun for the rest of the week!

So that's what's been happening in my very recent life. I'll try to get back into the habit of posting more regularly again soon. Honest! Oh, and the title of this post is a very old joke along the lines of watching the stunts of the cunts on the punts, which is what I've been doing a bit of lately!

Dita von Teese

2010-07-19T00:03:00.000+01:00

Very classy, very sexy.

IAM = Imploding Advanced Motorists

2010-07-14T18:23:00.000+01:00

After my previous post I received another communication from the Glasgow North Group of the Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) and this time it's getting serious!

The Extraordinary General Meeting called for by some of the motorcycle section members has now been granted. I don't know how many people are involved in this, as I said previously I haven't been there this season, but I have to think it must be a significant number.

The whole problem surrounds the committee's decision to change the format of the Wednesday evening bike runs and instead of travelling to one of a wide variety of destinations, as of last year it was a choice of one of four McDonalds outlets only a few miles from the start point. The previous post has a bit more of the background.

So the previous letter from the IAM Regional Group Co-ordinator has obviously done nothing to quell the disquiet (unsurprisingly), and the committee have decided to grant the EGM and put it to the vote.

But here's the sting in the tail.

Instead of canvassing the voting opinions of the biking members who are affected directly by this, the committee has decided that the sole question to be voted upon is

Do you support the committee choice of the four destinations?

and in a breathtaking display of mass petted lip and sharp practice has announced that if the vote goes against them they will resign en-masse, and therefore since this would then affect the WHOLE of Glasgow North Group the vote should not be confined to bike section members but opened up to car members too, thus ensuring that they'll almost certainly win the vote since, let's be honest, car section members won't give a flying toss about the actual issue.

Call me cynical, but this strikes me as a blatant attempt to manipulate the system, worthy of the worst of the Westminster/Holyrood politicians themselves (or jumped-up local councillors and oxygen-thieves as I think of the Holyrood ones).

I really can't be arsed turning up to this bunfight, so it was a no brainer to use the postal vote offered, which is to be sent to an independant adjudicator from a different IAM local group. But it seems that although votes at the EGM may be anonymous, it states specifically on the voting paper that postal votes can not be anonymous to ensure that only those who have voting rights (full IAM members, not associates) can vote.

Since the committee have chosen the specific wording, and taken pains to point out that they did so to make it simple, I had no choice.

I have voted NO.

Quite simply I do not support the decision to change to less variety, and I never have done, even prior to this raising its head (remember, I haven't been to any meetings this year so I haven't influenced or been influenced by anyone else's opinion on the matter). The fact that the committee, in a blatant attempt to influence the voting, has decided to effectively make it a vote of no confidence in them while avoiding wording it as such is unfortunate, and I don't intend my NO vote as such a vote of no confidence, however in all conscience I can only answer the question posed, that I don't agree with the four destinations. So I also added words to that effect in the comments section of the voting form before I posted it.

Realistically there's no chance of those with a quite reasonable objection to this decision winning the vote because of the way it's been set up by the committee, and unfortunately now I'm likely to be seen as a trouble maker because my name's on a form supporting the dissenters, but the committee left me with no choice, and in any case since I was likely to be leaving the group after this year this might just be the final impetus to jump ship. I'll still remain a member of the IAM though, just probably not of a local group.

Watch this space for the official result, some time soon after the EGM on 29th July.

The natives are revolting

2010-06-22T22:31:00.000+01:00

I was amused to receive a letter today, out of the blue, from the Institute of Advanced Motorists Regional Group Co-ordinator sent to everyone at Glasgow North Group. He's been asked by IAM in London to investigate dissention in the ranks relating to the destinations chosen by the committee, for the Wednesday evening observed motorcycle runs.

It used to be that we'd meet in Glasgow and you'd be told where to head for, perhaps Largs, Loch Lomond, Arrochar, Lanarkshire, and you'd take whatever route suited you and more importantly your associate (i.e. "trainee") to take in appropriate roads for what they were looking for.

The final destination was often a pub, cafe, hotel or fast food restaurant who'd have been told you were all coming and who'd lay on cups of tea, chips, sandwiches or whatever. After the debrief over refreshments everyone would head home under their own steam, on their own or in groups of riders.

This was fun.

Last year it all changed and the new committee (well, it had new members in key roles anyway) decided for some reason that we'd only have four specified destinations, all in Glasgow, and all fast food places, so you could still take whatever route you wanted but you'd end up back at a McDonalds somewhere much nearer to the city so that on the run home no one would feel intimidated by a longer ride on perhaps unfamiliar roads.

Hang on a minute, I immediately thought, aren't we all, Advanced riders and those training to be such, grown ups who should be able to ride safely on any roads?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I didn't enjoy last year's observing, not only was it boring but they had more Qualified Observers than Associates so half the time I'd turn up and end up going for a ride with other surplus observers, so I haven't been back this year, although I have paid my £5 annual subscription for the Glasgow North Group as well as about £30 for membership with IAM London.

I get cheap bike and car insurance via IAM London and it's a requirement to keep up my membership, but it isn't a requirement to be a member of a local group, so a while ago I decided that this'll probably be my last year with Glasgow North Group, for various reasons.

Anyway, on reading the letter this evening, it seems it isn't just me who's disenchanted by Glasgow North Group, and generally it isn't a happy camp at the moment but the Extraordinary General Meeting called for by "some Observers" has been knocked back by the powers that be (i.e. the Regional Group Co-ordinator who sent the letter) on the basis that the committee are "acting in the best interests of the members", and the disputed decision "is within their remit". Interestingly, and perhaps controversially, the letter states that any Observer who cannot comply with the committee's requirements is "at liberty to leave the group". This appears to me to be overly confrontational, but then again I don't know what verbal exchanges have taken place up to now.

I genuinely make no comment on the fact that the Regional Group Co-ordinator also happens to be a member of Glasgow North Group, and while I believe he used to be on the committee, I have no idea if he still is, although he's listed on this year's membership card as the group's Chief Motorcycle Observer. I don't know the man very well, although he certainly comes across as being a good bloke, and it's for others in a better position of knowledge to comment on his impartiality.

I wasn't aware of this brewing, not having been there at all this year and although I'd already pretty much decided to quit Glasgow North Group after this year I'll hold off telling them for the moment lest it be thought I'm flouncing off in a huff because of this issue.

I have concerns regarding the group but they're personal ones (a bit of a clash of personalities perhaps), and while possibly linked to the root of the problem alluded to in the letter (or one of the roots) I'll keep my concerns to myself for the time being.

Happy days!

A 6 inch reach

2010-06-04T21:16:00.000+01:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Requiescat in Pace

2010-05-15T22:24:00.000+01:00

My late mum's only sister, my aunt Shirley, died suddenly this morning. Her death wasn't unexpected, but it was way earlier than had been predicted.

From left to right in the photo are my mum, who died in 1996 aged just 56, my papa who died in 1959 aged just 46, my aunt Shirley who died today aged 65, and my nana who died just over two years ago aged 87.

So today the last of that family unit passed away, and the happy faces in the photo, taken at Garrion Bridge in Lanarkshire probably not very long before my papa died, are no longer with us.

Rest eternal grant unto them O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon them.

Bach and Handel

2010-05-02T02:27:00.001+01:00

Glasgow Chamber Choir's next concert is on Saturday 5th and Sunday 6th June in Glasgow and Greenock respectively.

The music includes Bach's Singet Dem Herrn, Handel's Dixit Dominus and Handel's Ode on St Cecilia's day.

The Dixit Dominus is fairly long and reasonably well known, so I haven't bothered with that one, but the other two are below. The Bach is a recording by the very excellent Hilliard Ensemble, and the Handel, which is split into five parts, seems to be a recording of a rehearsal, with French subtitles!

Foxy

2010-05-01T23:11:00.002+01:00

Foxy, originally uploaded by Lay Clerk.

About to head to work a few mornings ago, I glanced out my back window and saw what I initially thought was a dog jumping up onto a half-demolished outbuilding in our backyard, but on a second look it was clearly Mr Urban Fox here, accompanied by his feathered friend.

It's become more often recently that I've seen urban foxes, but rarely do I see them in broad daylight and this close up.

Apologies for the quality of the image, it was taken in a bit of a hurry through a glass window with raindrops on it.

Anzac Day

2010-04-25T10:36:00.002+01:00

Tyne Cot cemetery, near Ypres, Belgium, originally uploaded by Lay Clerk.

The image is of Tyne Cot Cemetery, near Ypres in Belgium, which is a very moving place to visit, as I did three years ago when I took the photo.

Today is Anzac Day, national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand originally for members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps who fought and died at Gallipoli in Turkey during the Great War of 1914-18, but nowadays commemorating all those who died for those countries.

I note with some sadness that three members of the New Zealand Air Force died today when their helicopter crashed near Wellington when they were enroute to an Anzac Day memorial service. The story is on the BBC Website.

They shall grow not old as we who are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun, and in the morning, we will remember them.

Rest Eternal grant unto them O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon them.

On an unrelated matter, other than it's the same country, having left last night RE is currently in the air somewhere between the UK and New Zealand (via brief landings at Bangkok and Sydney) on her way to spend a month at home visiting her family and friends. I know she'll have a great time, particularly after the stress leading up to an exam just three days before she flew, and the stress of less than a week ago not knowing whether flights would be at all possible from the UK and Europe after the eruption of the Volcano in the Eyjafjallajoekull glacier in Iceland. There are some nice pictures on the BBC Website of the volcano, and Frikki, the Director of Music at St Mary's Cathedral in Glasgow who is Icelandic, has forwarded some REALLY spectacular ones from his brother who still lives there, but I don't want to post them because they aren't mine..

British Classics concert

2010-03-20T13:52:00.001Z

This weekend, i.e. today and tomorrow, Glasgow Chamber Choir is performing concerts in Glasgow and Edinburgh.

Today, at 7.30pm tonight, it's at St Mary's Cathedral, 300 Great Western Road, Glasgow G4 9JB, and tomorrow it's at the earlier time of 6pm in St Giles Cathedral, High St, Edinburgh EH1 1RE.

The music, as the title on the poster suggests, is all by British composers and includes

William Walton (1902-1983) - Coronation Te Deum; The Twelve
Jonathan Harvey (b. 1939) - Come, Holy Ghost; I love the Lord
Orlando Gibbons (1583-1625) - O clap your hands; Drop, drop slow tears; This is the record of John
Thomas Tomkins (1572-1656) - When David heard
Thomas Weelkes (d. 1623) - When David heard

I should have posted this earlier, but a variety of stuff has got in the way. Last weekend I was laid very low by what I thought was food poisoning but upon my return to work on Monday realised that 6 out of 8 of us had it too and we hadn't all been eating the same thing.

On Friday morning (i.e. yesterday) at 0320hrs I was woken by a huge crash from the kitchen, and thinking that Elmo my cat had knocked something over I rushed through in a dazed just-awake state, to be confronted by the sight of the floor littered with glass and other debris, and disappearing out the back door was the housebreaker who'd caused it (in the rest of the UK, and probably the world, they're called burglars, in Scotland the crime of Burglary doesn't exist, instead it's called Housebreaking). I'll probably describe that in more detail later, I don't have time right now as I need to head off to the rehearsal for today's concert, but suffice to say it has shaken me. A lot. An awful lot.

A dilemma

2010-03-15T20:56:00.001Z

Recently I had occasion to be thankful to an honest workman when my Washer/Dryer broke down and the engineer, who stood to gain a couple of hundred pounds in repair bill, looked at it and gave me the opinion that if it was his he wouldn't bother repairing it but instead would just buy a new one as it was near the end of its (ludicrously short) working life. So he gained nothing from it, because I took his advice.

Today I met another honest man.

Stevie Brierton is a motorcycle mechanic who has a workshop in the east end of Glasgow, not too far from Celtic Park, where Glasgow Celtic play football (that's soccer to our far flung cousins!) and he was recommended to me by a work colleague as being a good mechanic, and a nice guy.

My bike, my lovely thirteen year old BMW R1100RT with almost 68,000 miles on the clock, is well overdue a service. In fact to my shame it's been about two years since it was serviced, which is a bad thing. Recently, after the spell of bad weather over Christmas and New Year when it sat on the roadside gathering dirt, dampness, and God alone knows what, the clutch started sluipping and the revs seemed to stay too high, failing to drop when I closed the throttle, so it was clearly time to get it looked at.

I rang the local BMW dealer for a quote. Certainly sir, they replied, and proceeded to quote me the thick end of £500 just for the service, before they even looked at the clutch or revs. Ouch.

So I contacted Stevie. Certainly sir, he said, for that service it'll be £200 +vat including parts (including vat that's about £235) but he recommended taking it in so he can assess what's wrong with the clutch and therefore how much it'd be likely to cost before he embarked on doing anything else to it.

So that's where I went this evening, feeling much better after having 48 hours of a stomach bug, the symptoms of which I won't horrify you with, and having been forced to leave work at lunchtime after managing to keep down my food for almost a full 15 minutes!

Stevie came outside to look at it, fiddled about underneath, checked the play on the clutch lever, and gave me the bad news.

£1000

Yes, that's right, about £1000 to get a replacement clutch, as he in fact had suspected when I described the symptoms to him on the phone. On top of this there would be the £235 for the service, and he noticed that both tyres will need replacing very soon, so that'd be the thick end of another £200.

Since I don't have £1000 to spare I now have a choice. Well, two choices. I can sell the bike, or I can put it away off the road somewhere until such times as I feel I can spare the repair money.

The bike cost me about £3500 three years ago, but that was a private sale from a work colleague and I'm not really sure how much it'd be worth now. Stevie thinks that since BMW is a popular type of bike I'd have a queue of enthusiasts wanting to buy it if I advertised it, so they could do the work themselves rather than take it to a garage. He thinks in fact I should get about £2000 for it.

Or I could keep it until I can afford to fix the clutch, and anything else that goes wrong with it while it lies in a garage.

Hmmm.

Not sure.

Anyone reading this fancy a lovely 1997 BMW R1100RT, 68,000 miles, ABS, Radio Cassette, Electric Windscreen, Autocom, full BMW Luggage (panniers and topbox), two tyres on the borderline for needing replaced, needs a service, clutch slipping slightly?

What should I do?

Compliments of the season

2010-03-14T00:01:00.004Z

I wish you all a happy Steak and a Blowjob day! It's Valentine's day for men.

Boys' toys

2010-02-27T19:50:00.002Z

I haven't really been doing much posting recently, for reasons of which I'm not sure but perhaps real life is intruding a bit on virtual life!

Right now I'm off alcohol, ostensibly having given it up for Lent but really as an excuse to lose some weight and gain some health, although aware that Sundays don't actually count as Lent I've sort of decided that I won't drink during the week (on school nights as it were) but will allow myself some booze at the weekend. Having got royally pissed after the RSCM Scottish Voices singing day last week I haven't had a drink since last Saturday, but this evening I've enjoyed, thoroughly enjoyed, a bottle of red wine, so tomorrow after evensong I don't plan on drinking.

At Glasgow Chamber Choir rehearsals, the lighting in the church being pretty poor, we use a couple of sets of floodlights on tripods, and while I was setting them up and putting out chairs on Thursday I leaned against a chair which when I got home later realised broke the screen on my mobile handset which was in the pocket of my jeans. I was, to say the least, not pleased. With over a month to go until the earliest I can upgrade with Vodafone, and with a couple of months until the end of my contract and therefore when I could port my number to a different network, I was faced with the prospect of resurrecting an old handset and using it for a while. On the offchance though I researched mobile handsets at work (fortunately my job involves having a fair bit of technical knowledge of mobile telephones so I could justify this research, just about) and I had narrowed my choices down to an Apple i-Phone and a Nokia N97 Mini.

So yesterday after work I visited the Vodafone shop in Braehead shopping centre. The staff in the shop couldn't help, but told me that their customer services might be able to, and directed me towards a dedicated landline in the shop from where I could contact them. To cut a longer story slightly shorter, despite the quietest line in the world whereby I could almost not hear the guy in customer services, I was allowed to upgrade early and I am now the owner of a brand new Nokia N97, which won over the i-Phone mostly because the i-Phone got a fair number of negative reviews about its connectivity, and since I'm not a slave to fashion I decided that making and receiving calls on a mobile phone was paramount, with all the extras being secondary!

So one day later I'm fairly happy with my new phone, although to be brutally honest I like my broken Nokia E66 better. But the main thing is that I'm very impressed with Vodafone. I was fully expecting being told that they couldn't upgrade me early, and whilst I'm only doing so about two months early and those two months are being added to the end of my new 18 month contract, they demonstrated what for me was good customer relations. Well done Vodafone.

The best toy ever

2010-02-27T14:09:00.000Z

This is the latest, and best, thing in my house! Elmo is a BIG fan.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Wordle

2010-02-22T18:44:00.002Z

I'm obliged to Kelvin for reminding me about Wordle, which generates word clouds for various things, with the size of a word reflecting the number of times it's used.

The Wordle below was generated from my posts here between Halloween last year and today, or perhaps more accurately was generated from whatever was in my RSS feed today, I'm not sure how that all works!

Draw your own conclusions about my mind from what you can see.

Track your booze

2010-02-22T06:00:00.000Z

I'm grateful to Barry Coidan for directing me to the NHS online alcohol tracker widget which I've now downloaded to my desktop and will use when I start drinking again after Easter, and of course before then for the odd occasions during Lent when I fall off the wagon!

Incidentally, go and read Barry's Blog, it's very good.

2010-02-21T11:50:00.000Z

I'm obliged yet again to Andrew Mogendorff for the following easy to follow explanation of how the brain works:

Lenten promises

2010-02-20T08:17:00.000Z

I'm currently abstaining from alcohol.

I shall now give those who know me a moment to let that statement sink in.

It's notionally me giving it up for Lent (not that I've ever given anything up in the past), but in truth I'm using Lent as an excuse, well perhaps a prompt would be more accurate, to try to lose a bit of weight and get fitter. I'm not so stupid as to think I'll get all the way through the six weeks to Easter without having a drink, particularly since I have a few pre booked events/parties along the way, one of which is today when RSCM Scottish Voices will be singing Choral Evensong at St Mary's Cathedral in Glasgow, and then we're going to the Lansdowne Bar for a drink or three. If I get to Easter having had a 90-95% alcohol free Lent, then that's a good result in my book.

On another topic, we are getting new lockers at work soon and yesterday was the deadline to clear all the old crap from the current ones. Aside from my old SLR camera, in the bag for which were orders of service for weddings at which the camera was used, the most recent of which was 1994, the most interesting things I found lurking on the shelf were a magazine pull-out and a train ticket. Sounds boring, eh? Yes, probably.

The magazine pull-out was from Mens Health, which a while ago I sometimes read, called "The Complete Total Body Workboook - All the information you need to build an outstanding body" and it's basically a book of exercises, mostly using free weights or the machines you find in gyms.

The train ticket was from Partick in Glasgow to a station near my work. All very boring of course, but the point is that the ticket was lying on top of the magazine, and the ticket's dated 24th November 2000.

So here I am, almost 10 years on, and although I still haven't managed to build myself an outstanding body perhaps this is the year I'll properly get on the road towards it, starting with giving up alcohol for (most of) Lent. We can only wait and see.

Awwww, cute!

2010-02-14T08:47:00.002Z

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Embrace Life

2010-02-07T00:01:00.001Z

I'm indebted to Fr Kenny for the following very powerful short film.

Watch.

Enjoy.

Think.

Happy Waitangi Day

2010-02-06T00:01:00.014Z

On 6th February 1840, the Treaty of Waitangi was signed in a marquee in the grounds of James Busby's house (now known as the Treaty house) at Waitangi in the Bay of Islands. The Treaty made New Zealand a part of the British Empire, guaranteed Māori rights to their land and gave Māori the rights of British citizens.

Today I shall be celebrating Waitangi day with RE and some friends. It will involve good food and strong drink.

Happy Waitangi Day!

Master of all he surveyed

2010-02-05T12:57:00.003Z

Donald Dewar, originally uploaded by Lay Clerk.

I was out for a wander in Glasgow city centre yesterday before meeting a friend for lunch, when I decided it was time to take a photo of the statue of the Right Honourable Donald Dewar, former First Minister of Scotland, who died suddenly in 2000.

The statue is outside Glasgow Royal Concert Hall, and he faces due south down Buchanan Street. Rather that take a normal view of it (oh, OK then, I took a couple of them too, including this one!) I decided to see what it'd look like from a different perspective, and this image is the result. I'm quite pleased with it, I have to say!

Happy birthday to me!

2010-02-04T00:01:00.001Z

Ooh, it's now only a couple of years to a significant birthday. Time to stop counting, methinks!

Pubs of Lay Clerk #2

2010-02-01T08:00:00.000Z

Continuing the occasional series documenting all the pubs in which I've ever had a drink. See the initial post for the background to this quest.

Aragon, 131 Byres Rd, Glasgow G12 8TT

Unmistakeably part of the same chain as Hubbards in Great Western Road, this is a smallish bar tarted up to look authentically old, and it achieves the effect pretty well. Good real ale, but boringly ordinary yet kind of OK pub-food.

Decent place to have a small refreshment while shopping in Byres Rd. I like it.

Babbity Bowster, 16-18 Blackfriars St, Glasgow G1 1PF

Taking its name from an old Scottish courting dance, this fine town house is attributed to Robert Adam. It portrays itself as authentically Scottish, but the last few times I've been in it felt a bit touristy for some reason I can't put my finger on.

Good food, if a bit on the expensive side, and they used to have traditional folk music jam-sessions but again, the last few times I've been in I haven't seen them. Good selection of real ales, including usually something unusual as a guest.

There's a beer garden, but I don't recall ever seeing anyone sitting in it!

Blipfoto

2010-01-22T00:12:00.000Z

I was recommended a new Website by a work colleague this afternoon. Well I say a new site, but it's only new to me, it's been going for a while.

It's BlipFoto, and it's a very clean-looking uncluttered site where you upload a single photo each day which is added to your photojournal, and there's a calendar and, ooohhhh, it's just fun! Go look, and join, and post. I have.

Cider with Roadies

2010-01-11T19:51:00.000Z

In the past I have had some ups and downs in my life. Nothing surprising there, and it'd probably be more surprising if I hadn't, but every now and then something I read, or see, or hear, or smell, or taste sparks a memory, buried not too deeply, which elicits a automatic emotional response which might put a huge smile on my face, or make me laugh out loud, or make me smile inwardly, or cause me to wince, or make me go very quiet for a while, or make me sad, or make me burst into tears which last for only seconds.

Having previously read and thoroughly enjoyed two of his books I am currently reading what is pretty much an autobiography by Stuart Maconie, who can currently be heard as one half of the presenting team on a very good BBC Radio 2 evening show, and that book's rather wittily called Cider with Roadies.

I was lying in the bath while reading the book earlier this evening, warming myself after having been out for a bit of a run wearing shorts in the slowly melting snow, when one eight word phrase leapt off the page and in an instant had travelled through my eyes, passed into my brain, invaded my subconscious, and emerged again from those same eyes in the form of tears.

That eight word phrase is on page 168 (of the paperback edition anyway) and refers to his friend Jem having suddenly and unexpectedly taken his own life after losing his job, having marital problems, and being unsuccessful in achieving his ambitions.

That eight word phrase consists of the words

Crushed by the endless small defeats of life ........

Now I have never ever been anywhere near the psychological place which might have made me even remotely consider taking my own life, or even harming myself in any way shape or form, but Jem's problems struck a chord with me as they are not entirely dissimilar to some things which may have happened in my life, and that eight word phrase used by Stuart Maconie seemed to chime out to me and sum up a lot of how I used to feel a while ago. I only wish I'd thought of it first!

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

2010-01-08T08:00:00.010Z

It's Queen and the Muppets, what's not to like!

Thanks to Andy for bringing this to my attention a while back.

On a slightly related topic, I'm off to see the musical We Will Rock You in the Edinburgh Playhouse tomorrow. I've never been to any musical before, unless you count Riverdance in the same theatre several years ago, but I love Queen and I'm going with good friends so I'm really looking forward to it. Doubtless a report on the experience will follow! Oh, and it's the final day of the tour at the Playhouse before they go to Dublin, so hopefully it'll be a party atmosphere. Or alternatively the cast won't give a shit and it'll be crap!

A Musical Whore

2010-01-01T12:00:00.002Z

One of the joys of being a musical whore like me is that occasionally at short notice you get drafted in to sing in a concert without having to bother with rehearsals. This is I think particularly true if like me you're a tenor, which for the uninitiated is the least common voice part and therefore if you are one you are often in great demand.

Yes this is actually leading somewhere.

Yesterday afternoon along with five other tenors I received a message via Facebook asking if any of us was available to sing in a performance of Handel's Messiah in the Usher Hall in Edinburgh with the Edinburgh Royal Choral Union at mid day on Saturday 2nd January (i.e. tomorrow). Apparently the place is almost sold out and the audience will be in the region of 2000+ people. So, musical tart here said yes. It's been quite a few years since I sang that piece, but it's hopefully so ingrained into the consciousness that there won't be much sight reading required, if any, but there's a rehearsal at 10am anyway. And it helps that Michael Bawtree is the conductor and he also conducts Glasgow Chamber Choir so I know he's easy to follow.

So my musical holiday is cut short slightly. Oh well. At least I'll get my money's worth out of the cheap "wear it a couple of times and throw it away" machine-washable DJ which I bought for the Raymond Gubbay concerts a few weeks ago. Asda, £40 reduced to £30. You can't go wrong!

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T00:01:00.003Z

Happy Christmas

2009-12-25T00:01:00.004Z

Review of 2009

2009-12-24T18:29:00.002Z

Well the choir of King's College, Cambridge are on the radio performing Nine Lessons and Carols right now as I sit here starting to type this, so it must be time for my third annual review. How was Lay Clerk's 2009?

A bit mixed, to be honest, but then again such is life. Much of what occupied my mind throughout the whole year concerns another person and according to the unwritten rules of Blogging which are solely in my head, I choose to keep that topic to myself.

Another unwritten rule is that I won't Blog about work, so apart from saying that I'm still enjoying it and we continue to be as busy as ever, I'll leave it there.

On the subject of work, a close friend was unfortunately made redundant at the start of the year, a victim of the worldwide economic situation, and for a few months went through a difficult time during which I hope I was there to offer what little support or help I could, and thankfully a new, better job was secured after a while. Onwards and upwards.

I still sing with Glasgow Chamber Choir, mostly enjoying it but sometimes having to fight against my inner dislike of certain types of choral music. On the whole it continues to be good fun, good musically, and a good bunch of people.

In 2009 my presence in the choirstalls at the Cathedral occurred more frequently and more regularly, and more or less every week I sing Choral Evensong on the Sunday, which I am thoroughly enjoying.

In about May the administrator of RSCM Scottish Voices, which was started the previous summer, resigned, and I was subsequently asked to take over that role. It's been an interesting 6 months, most but not quite all of it interesting in a nice way. I've registered a Domain name for the choir, but haven't yet got round to uploading the website which is sitting on my laptop. In truth, this is mostly because I've forgotten how to go about having multiple websites hosted together but kept separate, since it's been such a long time since I did anything with any of my sites. At some point I'll get the finger out and do it. And if anyone familiar with creating and uploading websites to 1&1 using Microsoft Frontpage is reading this and wants to remind me how easy it is, I'd be obliged! In the meantime I've also started a Blog for the choir, which is linked from the sidebar on the left. If any RSCM Scottish Voices members are reading this for some reason, and they fancy having a go at sometimes adding choir-related content to our Blog, email me.

In May I sang with The Biggar Singers in an enjoyable performance of Morten Lauridsen's piece, Lux Aeterna, which involved about a hundred mile round trip every week to rehearse. The choir's conducted and accompanied respectively by two members of Glasgow Chamber Choir who live down that way, and my few weeks of excessive travel pale into insignificance when set against them doing it every week coming to Glasgow. And indeed two other GCC members travel from Dumfriesshire every week to rehearse!

A personal high point of the year was when I was asked to sing the tenor solo in a performance of Stainer's Crucifixion on Good Friday in Paisley. My initial reaction upon being asked was "no thanks, I'm a chorister, not a soloist" but when I thought about it, knowing that I can actually sing the notes if not necessarily perform them as a "proper" soloist would, I thought why the hell not. And so I did. And it went well. First time I've ever had my name on a poster! I have no ambitions to be a soloist, and while I'd possibly say yes if asked again, equally I am not at all bothered.

I paid another visit to Paisley later in April, but this time to the Paisley Beer Festival, which was most enjoyable and having been there two years ago is likely to become an annual pilgrimage, albeit I missed last year as I was in Calfornia. I only went on one evening, but a fellow Cathedral chorister, Neil, took holiday from work and went every day. Now that's dedication!

In July four of us from Glasgow Chamber Choir, having coincidentally and enjoyably sung solo parts together during a recent concert, decided to get together and sing together some more. We've met twice so far, it's as much a social event as a musical one, and despite some (hopefully tongue in cheek) remarks from another couple of friends about "the elite group" it's just a bunch of friends singing, drinking and eating together. We've performed together under the name The New Quartet in public once, a few days ago in a branch of a bank for charity, but who knows whether we'll do it again or whether it'll stay purely as a social event.

After a break of 29 years, I met up with former schoolfriends at a wee reunion in Motherwell in April. It was as though we'd only had a break of 6 months and we all got on great again. An unexpectedly tremendous evening. Another one, on a bigger scale, is planned for next year when it'll be 30 years since we left school. And I foolishly offered to co-ordinate it. It shouldn't involve much more than a few emails though, so should be OK.

On the subject of school, there is a sobering time in one's life when one's schoolfriends start dying. In August Kenny Stewart was the first of us to go. Admittedly the lovely, intelligent, caring person Catherine Fellowes died in a tragic diving accident soon after we left school, leaving her massive potential unfulfilled, but Kenny is the first to die without having an accident. He was one of my closest friends at school, and despite us having some differences in later years, you can't take away the fact that we grew up together.

In July RE and I made a weekend trip to the north east of Scotland to see friends, Stephanie and Martin, and to have a wee tour about. It's an area of the country I happen to really like, and it was good not only to show RE round it, but to catch up with old friends at their barbecue. I've known Stephanie since the mid 1980's when she was a student at Glasgow University and joined the Cathedral Choir, so she's probably one of my oldest friends and although we don't see each other terribly often, it's good to catch up when we can.

In August my brother, his wife and daughter moved back to Scotland. They've been living abroad for about a dozen years, first in Dubai and then in San Diego, California. For some reason they decided to come back to the Scottish climate, and it's great to have them here. My niece, Jess, has joined the Cathedral Choir trebles, and seems to enjoy it I'm glad to say. I was immensely proud to be asked to present her with her surplice at Evensong when she passed from being a probationer to being a chorister. They hosted a Halloween party in October (on the 30th, funnily enough!) and the fact that they live in a castle (yes, really) made it all the more spooky! Great fun.

August also saw a return visit to the World Pipe Band Championship at Glasgow Green, with RE, her cousin and his German girlfriend who were visiting Scotland. It rained. But it was a very enjoyable day despite the weather.

In September RE hosted one of her sisters, visiting from New Zealand, and I joined them for a trip to Linlithgow, their ancestral town. It was the first time I've been there, and I can now recommend the Four Mary's pub in the main street.

In a much previous life I was a roadie and mixed the sound for a local band. All very enjoyable, but in an amateur way. A friend, Ian, does it for a living though, well, the sound engineer bit anyway, and ages ago I mentioned to him that if he was ever needing some semi-skilled labour (i.e. really unskilled!) then I'd happily come and lift and carry stuff around for him. In September he called my bluff, and I found myself for two days being a roadie working on the sound crew at the Merchant City Festival in Glasgow. With three outdoor stages and an indoor venue to be covered, it was hard work, a bit physical sometimes, and a lot to take in, but it was great. I even ended up twiddling the knobs for one act, while Ian was called away to deal with a change of venue for another group. All very basic stuff of course, but I'm glad to say Ian trusted me enough to leave me on my own, and I'm even gladder to say I managed to avoid fucking it up! I'm looking forward to the next time, although I don't expect a change of career is due anytime soon!

The Institute of Advanced Motorists has taken more of a back seat this year, pardon the pun, although I did complete the necessary number of observed runs to continue as a Qualified Motorcycle Observer. It remains to be seen however whether I'll continue next year.

I've started to get the flat a bit more sorted. With the benefit of hindsight I realise that when I moved in I wasn't really in the right emotional frame of mind to do the decorating necessary, and as time went on I stopped seeing the faults. I have now got as far as getting a quote from a decorator, and getting the hallway replastered. Soon after Christmas I'll contact the decorator again and get him to come and do the business in the living room and hallway.

My general level of fitness continues to improve as I take advantage of the gym a few hundred yards from my house. I even made it onto a running track with RE a couple of times, but that was very hard going at that time! In the past few weeks I've slipped a bit, but my main New Year's resolution is to redouble my efforts. And I WILL do it.

On a fitness topic, in 2009 I did something I never thought I'd do. I climbed a hill. Not only a hill, but it was in fact a Munro. I've never ever ever been interested in hillwalking, and have been vocal about that opinion all through my life. But RE persuaded me to try it. Well I say persuaded me, but not proactively. I just mean that her influence, unbeknownst to her, made me want to do it. So she kindly agreed to "babysit me" up a hill. I'd be lying if I said there weren't bits I didn't enjoy. I slipped and fell up to my knees in a very cold stream; I slithered and slid my way down what was allegedly a "path"; I fell and staved my finger, but I bloody enjoyed it! And I know that thousands of people do it every weekend and think nothing of it. But this was me doing it. Me who about a year ago looked as though he was about to expire after a very short climb up a set of steps to a scenic viewpoint in the Scottish Borders. Me who a year ago hadn't taken any form of exercise for God knows how long, apart from when I tried badminton and spectacularly ruptured my achilles tendon. Me who is a city boy who has always said he didn't mind walking as long as it was on a pavement. This was me who walked up that Munro. And it is still me who is immensely proud of having done it, and proud of his friend RE for having the patience, skill and perseverance to help me all the way. Others may do it more often and with less effort, but we all have different abilities and different goals, and this particular achievement ranks highly for me.

So that's a potted history of Lay Clerk's 2009. A mixed year, but generally a good one and ending better than it started. Much of the above was Blogged about in depth at the time so if you've read this post in isolation it must seem pretty sparse of detail, and of course I've missed things out. Not just deliberately missed things to protect other people's privacy, but simply because things will have slipped my mind. Something which will hopefully never slip my mind though is to mention the love, friendship, and support of my closest friends, some of whom have been such for the thick end of 25 years, some for only a couple of years, but I value them all and thank them for their continuing friendship and support. I won't name them, but you know who you are. Thank you one and all.

Happy Christmas folks!

It's a surveillance world

2009-12-24T12:21:00.000Z

If you feel like tracking Santa, the nice people at NORAD can help you. The North American Aerospace Defense Command have been doing this for over 50 years now, and it's nice to know that the safety of a significant chunk of the western hemisphere is in the hands of people who actually have a heart!

Enjoy.

So far so good

2009-12-23T18:24:00.000Z

The music I mentioned previously has gone well so far, and now there remains only the midnight service and the one on Christmas morning.

The Glasgow Chamber Choir concert in Hyndland went well, and the 70 primary school kids were surprisingly well behaved and more importantly stayed out of my way!

The New Quartet's public debut in the Royal Bank of Scotland on Monday afternoon seemed well received and I think it made a pound or two for charity, which was the whole point.

Glasgow Chamber Choir's involvement in the Raymond Gubbay Carol Spectaculars, while inevitably a bit shouty, were a success and it seems we'll likely be asked to do them again next year. Interestingly, on the Sunday the Edinburgh area of the National Youth Choir of Scotland also performed a few pieces and on the Monday it was their Falkirk area counterparts, and both choirs were directed by ex Glasgow Chamber Choir members, Mark Evans and Kirsty Yeoman respectively (except I think Kirsty may have a new married name now, but I didn't catch it). Small world this musical choiry-stuff lark! The Sunday was a long day which ended with spectacular real deep crunchy crisp snow on the streets of Edinburgh as the last four of us battled through it from the pub across the road from the Usher Hall (All Bar One if you must know), where we'd indulged in a post concert fluid replacement session, to the Chinatown Restaurant in Atholl Place (near Haymarket Station) where we had a very tasty meal before catching the train back to Glasgow. I got back in the door a few minutes before midnight, having left to catch the bus a little after 7am. Long day.

The Monday concert in Glasgow was followed by a few drinks in La Bonne Auberge, across the road from the Royal Concert Hall. A bit pricy, but quiet unlike most of the other city centre Glasgow pubs this close to Christmas. This time I didn't get the bus home from the city centre until almost half past midnight, so it was another long day albeit not as bad as the previous one.

So just the two to go now.

Lord Blockflöte returns

2009-12-16T19:00:00.000Z

A warm welcome back to the Blogosphere to Lord Blockflöte, who in a previous Blogging incarnation impressed me much with his erudition, wit, musical knowledge, and not least his patience and forebearance when confronted by small minded people in his home town the other side of the pond from here. The persecution he suffered caused him not only to close down one Blog and start another under a different name, but to give up Blogging altogether. And that's not to mention the rather more important detail that he had to change jobs too. In the real world! Caused by tossers!

So anyway m'Lord, welcome back. I look forward to reacquainting myself with your work.

Oh, and perhaps he might choose to edit his comment on my previous post when he signs off with his real forename? Just for anonymity of course, but it's his choice if he doesn't change it.

Corroboration

2009-12-14T19:22:00.000Z

Well, what did I tell you. Pop over to Kelvin's Blog and read about how he cried at Elizabeth Poston's Jesus Christ the Apple Tree during Choral Evensong yesterday. Just like I said in my previous post, a fantastic piece and obviously beautifully performed on the night.

And I note with interest and some pleasure that he has praise for Choral Evensong in the Cathedral. I couldn't agree more. It's the best of services and has been sung relatively unchanged since the 17th century.

Oh, and the carol service with Glasgow Chamber Choir at Hyndland Parish Church went well, and all beautifully directed by our stand-in conductor Noel, a choir member and all round fantastic musician. We are lucky to have his skills on tap, both vocally and while waving his arms on occasions.

A Festive Public Information Announcement

2009-12-13T10:37:00.000Z

How very remiss of me, I've just realised I haven't publicised any of the Christmassy type stuff in which I'm involved this year. So here goes.

Sunday 13th December

Tonight at 6.30pm in Hyndland Parish Church at 79-81 Hyndland Road in Glasgow, there will be a carol service in which Glasgow Chamber Choir is taking part. In addition to GCC, there'll also be around 70 primary school children whose teacher is a member of GCC and they'll be singing some stuff on their own.

Also tonight St Mary's Cathedral in Glasgow has their regular Choral Evensong at 6.30pm. This isn't specifically a Christmas event, obviously, but is well worth mentioning because the introit they'll be singing is Jesus Christ the Apple Tree, an outstandingly lovely piece by Elizabeth Poston. Last year's performance of it in the Cathedral caused shivers in the spine when the sopranos sang their "solo" start and ending incredibly beautifully and tenderly, and I would expect tonight to be the same. Not that they don't normally sing beautifully, lest I get pelters from any of them for mentioning it as though it was out of the ordinary! The other music is by Orlando Gibbons, Thomas Ebdon, Tomas Luis da Victoria, and JS Bach. Anyway, I won't be singing Evensong tonight as I'll be in Hyndland with GCC.

Sunday 20th December

Next Sunday Glasgow Chamber Choir will be singing in the Usher Hall in Edinburgh at 3pm in the annual Christmas Classics - A Grand Christmas Gala extravaganza put on by the music entrepreneur Raymond Gubbay. It's not our own concert, which is good because we have no organising or selling of tickets for it, and we are effectively the main "chorus" along with the NYCoS Edinburgh Area Choir, the Scottish Concert Orchestra, and the tenor Iain Paton and trumpeter Mark O'Keefe, all conducted by Robert Howarth. Oh and we get paid for doing it, obviously. Not as individuals (lest a representative from Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs is reading this) but into choir funds. Tickets range from £13.50 to £30.

That night the Christmas Carol Concert at St Mary's Cathedral will take place at 6.30pm, and music includes The Lamb (John Tavener), Where riches is everlastingly (Bob Chilcott), Hail, happy morn (F. Walker), Cantemos a Maria (Dominican Republic traditional), Eg vil lofa eina þá (Bára Grímsdóttir), In the bleak mid-winter (Darke), and God to Adam came in Eden (John Barnard). Quite an eclectic selection and I'm sorry to be missing singing in it at least partially because having learned the Bára Grímsdóttir piece a couple of years ago it gives me a sense of smug satisfaction to sing in Icelandic even if I have no clue what the words mean!

Monday 21st December

Glasgow Chamber Choir will be doing it all again in the Raymond Gubbay Carols and Classics concert in the Royal Concert Hall in Glasgow at 7.30pm, this time with the NYCoS Falkirk Area Choir instead of the Edinburgh one, but everything else is the same. Tickets range from £17 to £29.50 for this one.

Much more importantly though, before the Monday evening concert, that afternoon between 1pm - 2pm you can hear a much less grand but no less worthy rendition of traditional carols in aid of Save the Children. This will take place inside the Royal Bank of Scotland branch at 10 Gordon St, Glasgow G1 3PL. Taking part will be a modest number of singers (four to be exact) including yours truly, and this will be the inaugural (and possibly only) public performance by The New Quartet which was "founded" earlier this year with the twin purposes of singing and socialising! So if you're in Glasgow city centre on Monday 21st December at lunchtime, please pop in to the bank (it's next to the TGI Friday which is on the corner of Buchanan Street and Gordon Street) and show your support for this worthy charity and for the four members of The New Quartet. And on the subject of the RBoS, they have received a hell of a lot of largely deserved bad press recently, but they actually offer an awful lot of support to charities, almost all behind the scenes and almost all unreported and unrecognised. So all credit to them for that.

Thursday 24th December

On Christmas Eve Choral Eucharist (aka the Midnight Service) will take place in St Mary's Cathedral at 11.15pm and the setting is the Festival Missa Brevis by Frikki Walker, who is the Director of Music at St Mary's Cathedral and also of RSCM Scottish Voices amongst others. The anthem is the hauntingly good O Magnum Mysterium by Morten Lauridsen who is one of the increasingly famous and popular group of American contemporary composers which also includes Eric Whitacre. I've sung O Magnum Mysterium a few times before, and also his larger scale piece Lux Aeterna, and if you haven't heard his style of music before you should make an effort to, because it's worth it. As is Whitacre's. And that's high praise from someone who generally dismisses much of what has been written since the 17th century!

Friday 25th December

Finally, well as far as Christmas stuff goes, Sung Eucharist will take place at 10.30am on Christmas Day in St Mary's Cathedral, and the setting is by Proulx & MacMillan, with other music being Cantemos a Maria (Dominican Republic traditional), and Hail, happy morn (F. Walker).

And then ....

And then begins a short break from singing. Well, a week anyway! The Cathedral choir gets back in harness on Sunday 3rd January 2010, and Glasgow Chamber Choir starts rehearsing on Thursday 14th January for our next concert of British Classics which is on Saturday 20th March 2010 in St Mary's Cathedral in Glasgow (small world!) and Sunday 21st March 2010 in St Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh, and music includes:

William Walton (1902-1983) - Coronation Te Deum; The Twelve
Jonathan Harvey (b. 1939) - Come, Holy Ghost; I love the Lord
Orlando Gibbons (1583-1625) - O clap your hands; Drop, drop slow tears

No doubt further adverts will appear before that though!

Other music things? Well RSCM Scottish Voices will next meet on Saturday 16th January to sing a service in St Mary's Parish Church in Haddington, just east of Edinburgh. Keep an eye on our Blog for more details of all our services, and of what to do if you feel you'd like to audition for the choir.

War Stories Part IX - What's the cubic capacity?

2009-12-10T08:00:00.000Z

Continuing the sagas and stories of my working life, up to now anyway. If you want to read the preamble, click here to go to the first posting in the series, which contains a short version of my CV.

Early in my career in a major Plumbers Merchant, but before the company had been taken over and became part of a major chain, I worked in a branch in Hamilton which had a window display of showers, both electric and mixers. One day when I was working on the Trade Counter a little old Italian man came in looking to buy a new electric shower. I say little and I use the term advisedly. He was about five feet tall and five feet wide.

I took him into the window to show him what we could offer and use my newly acquired selling techniques to make sure we got the sale. The showers were non-working displays and had been basically nailed to the wall at random heights. I showed him the first one, describing in detail the power rating, water flow rate, and all the lovely features. He listened intently, then lifted the shower head off its holder and brought it down as far as the length of the hose would allow, then said "No, s'no good" (you have to imagine the Italian accent).

We moved on to the next one, and I launched into full flow, detailing all the benefits it could offer at a most reasonable price. Again he lifted the shower head down and looked as though he was trying to get it to stretch all the way to the floor, then he said "No, s'no good".

We moved to the third option and repeated the scenario, only this time, after telling me again it was no good, he leaned close to me, lowered his voice, and explained conspiratorially in his thick Italian accent

"it's for my wife, she like to spray it up her fanny!".

I'd love to claim that I had the presence of mind to enquire further about the fanny in question and ask the question which heads this story in order that I could furnish him with something with a suitable flow rate, but I was so taken aback (I was innocent in them days) that I let him leave without closing the sale.

I don't know if his wife ever managed to partake in that simple pleasure with a new shower from somewhere else.

And no, I didn't think fast enough to suggest a longer hose.

Oh, and for our friends from beyond the pond, whereas in your country a fanny is the bit at the back, in ours it is a different bit, which is at the front, and only ladies have them, if you get my drift!

Sky Wan

2009-12-04T16:43:00.001Z

I am indebted to RE for forwarding the following. No doubt it's already been doing the rounds of t'InterWeb, but it's the first time I've seen it so here goes. Oh, and if there are enough requests I'll provide a translation in a future post!

Sky are rumoured to be close to launching their own dedicated Scottish Channel later this month, and have previewed what they are intending to broadcast. Here's a selection of the listed programmes:

9am News and whaur it's pishin doon

9.30am How clarty is yer hoose?
This week the ladies pay a visit to a man whose wife shot the craw only three days ago to find the entire hoose under five inches of stoor and the cludgy honkin o' pish

10am The Mags Hainey Show
Early mornin chat show hosted by big Mags Hainey in which neds and Sengas settle their petty differences by screaming obscenities and attacking each other with furniture for the amusement of the viewing public. This morning's episode is entitled "Whaur's ma effin hoosekeepin money disappeared tae?"

12.30pm News and whaur it's pishin doon

1pm Neeburs
Soap opera set in the village of Kinghorn in Fife. This week Archie accuses Morag of being in league with Lucifer and has her burned at the stake.

2pm Film
Angels wi Manky Coupons

4pm Tam the Tank Engine
Tam goes aff the rails and the Fat Controller is chuffed tae bits

4.15pm Boab the Builder
Reality show where Boab is investigated by the Inland Revenue

6pm News and whaur it's pishin doon

7pm Doaktir Whae
In this week's episode the Scottish time traveller takes the TARDIS back tae 1966 and breks Geoff Hurst's legs wae a sonic Glesca screwdriver

7.30pm Torn Faced Cockney Wankers
Eastenders wi' subtitles. In tonight's episode, Pauline gets her jotters fae the steamie while the rest o' the cast stoat aboot wi' faces the length o' Leith Walk

9pm Fitba Player's Burds
Drama surrounding the players of fourth division Auchtermuchty Rovers and their off-pitch antics. This week Boaby is worried that the club is facing relegation while Moira is gettin' it baw-deep from the Aberfeldy Academicals goalie.

10pm News and whaur it's pishin doon

12.30am Merrit Wi Weans
Re-make of the popular American sit-com 'Married With Children.' In this week's episode Al sits in front o' the telly scratchin his baws while Peg is still chokin' for her Nat King Cole.

1.30am The Beechgrove Back-Green
The boys plans tae dae up a gairdin in Niddrie are scuppered when local neds eff off wi the wheelbarra

2.15am Close Doon

RSCM Scottish Voices

2009-11-30T22:50:00.000Z

A new Blog's been created for RSCM Scottish Voices. The plan's to use it as an extra way of communicating within the choir (although clearly it will never replace email as the primary method) and also to publicise what's happening regarding our meetings and performances of services in various churches and cathedrals in Scotland.

I've included a link to the new Blog in the sidebar on the left so you should be able to see updates when they are posted.

OK, I'll reveal a wee secret here. I've already registered a Domain name for RSCM Scottish Voices, but it's been such a long time since I first uploaded my own Websites that I've forgotten how to alter the settings so that whichever one I update (I use Microsoft FrontPage) the updates are applied to the correct site, so although the site's actually created it will continue to live solely on my laptop for the moment, not on t'InterWeb.

So in the meantime, the Blog!

HSE guidance for singing festive songs

2009-11-27T23:30:00.000Z

Thanks to Phil for the following guidance issued by the Health & Safety Executive in relation to the singing of festive music:

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities For All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.